Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

[DJP]

As I'm sure you've been made aware by recent posts, the site has a variety of people, and opinions on here. We come from different places; from different backgrounds, and yet we share so much. In some ways, we further these ties by other online communities, LiveJournal, or MSN, for example.

It has been both interesting and saddening to meet people and to share in part of their lives. People who are talented, who are witty, and lovely company, people who are stunningly gorgeous, and who can do more things that I ever could; but who are not happy.

We all, at some stage, feel low. How many of us, for example, came here seeking support when we felt low, and stayed because we liked the place or the people?

Too many of the people I care about and count as friends are depressed, some of them to the extent of self harm. This is not something I know anything about, and I cannot help them.

So, what I would like to do is this. I would like to have this thread as a place where people can share experiences of self-harm, that they can talk to people who have been through it, and come out on the other side, and hopefully, advice can be given on how to help yourself, and what to say as a friend of someone who's self-harming.

Let me first establish a few ground rules. If they're broken, folks, I'll close and delete the thread before the mods get anywhere near it.

1. This is a sharing thread. You cannot judge other people, not criticise what they've done; it's their life, folks.
2. Please do not use this as an excuse for bitching at people.
3. Equally, please let's try not to turn this in to a game of oneupmanship of depressive events, or whatever. We're sharing, not competing
4. Finally, if anybody insults or puts people down on this thread, I swear to God I will come and make your life a living hell. Don't even think it, folks.

As a final note, I appreciate that this could equally be in health. However, I would like it to stay here for a while, and gather some replies and momentum before we move it in to another forum where it may prove slightly less useful to people.

Links which may help you;

What is depression?

The Site Guide to Mental Health

Self Harm details [Site Guide]

Self-Harm Resource page

We've had a tough time of late, both as a community, and as individuals, it would seem. Let's try and put a foot on the road to making what we can better.

DJP

[evilemsie]

I was uber depressed last night, and my mood was not improved by the fact the every pair of scissors in the house were blunt
Self harm = release, and I'd be pretty lost without it, which cannot be healthy.
Yeti suggested a pensil sharpener blade. So I'm going to try that.

It's worryign that slef harm has become more or less socially acceptable now.

[RubberSkin]

Originally posted by DJP
People who are talented, who are witty, and lovely company, people who are stunningly gorgeous, and who can do more things that I ever could; but who are not happy.

Stop it. You're embarrsing me

Edited to take out naughtyness

[BumbleBee]

During the summer I did an investigation into self harm that was very interesting and led me to make some conclusions, I dont really think this is the place to share them because they break the rules.

However, whilst I can never understand why people do it (I am of the firm belief that you simply cannot understand someone else's motivation for something unless you *are* them, you can only truely know your own experiences) and can appreciate why people feel the need to do it.

Like emsie said, it is starting to become socially acceptable, which worries me.

A few weeks ago my boyfriend did it to himself, with a pair of scissors, and he has a scar now. He says it hurt so much that he would never do it again, but he said he felt like the release of blood was the release of all his pent up feelings. It made me sad to know that, even after he had seen all of my research, he still did it.

[katchika]

Only done it a couple of times when with my ex and hugely frustrated and upset, usually cutting my hands or banging my head (know that makes me sound really deranged). I prefer to go out and exercise now, to go out on my bike far far and very fast, it works a lot better.

[RubberSkin]

Well, i can only speak personally, coz don't know anyone else who does it. With me its basically about power. No matter how shit my life gets, i can always make it worse by cutting my arm, leg or face to ribbons. Hurrah

[Smash]

It makes me feel better.
I don't appreciate other people commenting on it, or deciding that we have something in common and they need to tell me about their inner pain and why they felt the need to carve 'Jack' into their arm.

I do it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't see the big deal.

[Deeeeb]

Originally posted by PussyKatty
Only done it a couple of times when with my ex and hugely frustrated and upset.....banging my head (know that makes me sound really deranged).

Does that count as self harm?
Because i always seem to do that quite a lot when i am stressed - it went right through my bedroom wall once.

[RubberSkin]

Originally posted by Smash
It makes me feel better.
I don't appreciate other people commenting on it, or deciding that we have something in common and they need to tell me about their inner pain and why they felt the need to carve 'Jack' into their arm.

I do it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't see the big deal.

Hmmmmm someone didn't read DJP's rules did they?

[my name]

Originally posted by Smash
It makes me feel better.
I don't appreciate other people commenting on it, or deciding that we have something in common and they need to tell me about their inner pain and why they felt the need to carve 'Jack' into their arm.

I do it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't see the big deal.

i feel the same way, it is like peeing or something, though not as common, it is something that people do that, unless they want to and with somebody who cares, doesn't need to be discussed.

i see it all the time, people cut themsleves and go around and brag about it, when it is done like that, call me rude and cold, but i dont' give a fuck, if a person is truly looking for help then the situation is different. i dont' like it when people are like, oh, you cut yourself, and i hate people that do it in such obvious places, only looking for people to comment on it.

now i'm not bitching at people on here, i am talking about the people who i know, the people who i see on the streets, the ones that cut their forearms and walk around with the t-shirts and go up to people and are like, oh no, look what i did last night. the people who unless you mention their new cut, they seem to get angry.

people posting on here about their issues, that if fine, becasue people can help on here, that is the main reason why people do it, but its the others that bug me.

yea i do it, no i don't care and no i don't think it is a personal problem for me.

[evilemsie]

Originally posted by my_name
and i hate people that do it in such obvious places, only looking for people to comment on it.

tell me about it coughkatherinecough
I hate people seeing my scars...I dont mind you guys knowing cos...well let's be honest, you ain't gonan stop me, and I'm not looking for you to care unless you actually like me and care for that. I loathe people noticing, I can't wear short sleeves anymore, and I've started doing it in places people never see, like the tops of my thighs.

[Mr_Wobble]

Having been on quite a few BBS forums, and read quite a few blogs, such as Livejournal, it amazes me that so many people are into self harm. It also amazes me how many people are depressed too.
I don't think it's a case of self harm becoming "acceptable", I think the phrase "more widely known about" would be better. It can never be acceptable as it's not normal.

Mr_Wobble

[RubberSkin]

Originally posted by Mr_Wobble
It also amazes me how many people are depressed too.

Without seeming or wanting to be critical, depression seems to be the new bisexual/gay. Last year it was hip to be queer/bi, at the moment it seems to be hip to be depressed. Please note i'm not talking about here. I know peeps who continually go on about how depressed they are. Yeah depressed because they can't find sun dried tomatoes for their fafalle cabonara

Depression seems to be a buzz word in society at the moment, and you can't be a fully functioning unit, without a mental health problem. Well guys you don't get depressed because you're best friend is going to the pictures without you. It often annoys me the trivial things that people use as an excuse for being depressed. Yeah, i know different people react in different ways to things, but this flagrant use of the word depression really annoys me. Let's get one thing very clear. Depression is a seroius mental illness. It develops over months and years, not overnight. It can, in my case, take years to develop and takes many forms.

I'm certainly not trying to detract from anyone's problems, or make myself look more ill than them or even say they aren't depressed. But i've read some peoples problems here and seen/heard about other peoples problems, and they just seem to be caught up in the dynamic of depression, which unfortunately debases depression and makes it look like we're all a load of whingers. One thing i worry about, when i see my CPN or GP or psychiatrist, is that i won't be believed. My psychiatrist said 2 weeks ago that it's because of the generalisation and use of the word depression that suffers feel isolated and unbelieved.

Oooooooo long post. Stop now

Kevvy XxX

[evilemsie]

Originally posted by RubberSkin
One thing i worry about, when i see my CPN or GP or psychiatrist, is that i won't be believed.

when i first went to see my GP to tell ehr about it she said

"So you think you were raped?"
Like she thought I was making it up, it made me feel so horrible.

I'm now worried whether I'm one of the people you mean. I use depressed in the sense of the word unhappy, not serious mental illness. I'm sorry. I self harm and am on anti-depressants, insomnia, anorexia/bulimia. But....depressed? I'm not sure now.

[RubberSkin]

Originally posted by evilemsie
[b]"So you think you were raped?"
Like she thought I was making it up, it made me feel so horrible.[b]

Awwwwww hon. That's sooooooooo bad

I've read your posts and i know you're not a faker. I had a similar thing with my psychiatrist a few years ago. "so when were you first raped kevin?" "When i was 7" "Are you sure that's correct?" What a fucking wanker