Protecting the fragile male ego

[wheresmyplacebo]

Originally Posted by Thunderstruck

Either you could try to be the 'everyman' as described above, or you can come to terms with who you are and learn to be happy in your own skin. I gave up on the first one a long time ago and am content just to be me, warts and all.

don't normally agree with you but exactly, everyone has flaws and quirks about themselves, just make the most of what you have to be as happy as you can

[StrubbleS]

Originally Posted by ShyBoy

If society creates a construct of what you should be, what do you do if you don't meet that?

Not aspiring what society tells you to do. Or realizing (in the best care) or talking yourself into (in the worst case), that the Proto-Man, that society describes is just not attractive.

I came to terms that I am a geek and I enjoy the company of other geeks. When going out I am just the entertainer, joking around with my friends instead of being the suave guy flirting with the girls. It makes the evening just more pleasurable for me. I don't have a lot of physical strength and would rather run than fight. I don't do a lot of things that make me more attractive (like getting contact lenses. Had dozens of people tell me I look much better without glasses, but never the other way round), because simply I just don't care enough for that. If someone doesn't find me attractive because I have glasses or braces I don't even want to be involved with that person.

I am simply what I am and I don't feel like I am missing attributes or qualities that make me a better person.

[JavaKrypt]

I used to always be myself, never let society bring me down or mold me. But I think as with my brother, depression (though I've picked myself up and want to change my life) over the years has just changed me. I'm everything wheresmyplacebo has mentioned. My family doesn't help with saying most things I do are "gay" (though I have just as many manserisms than a straight man has) without actually knowing I am! This threads put me in a thoughtful mood about myself which I was SERIOUSLY needing. Mind you, it's also slightly depressing but I'm sure it'll help me, and help others I want to be more open with. I feel like I should thank TheSite for this thread.

[StrubbleS]

Originally Posted by Louisek

its just that men are less able to deal with these feelings combinded with raging testosterone that push's them over the edge.

Not to start a "My fate is tougher than yours!" type of discussion, but you can always do something against your ginger hair: dye them. You can always lose weight. You can always take more care of your skin, basically it is - in my opinion - easier to furbish your outside than to achieve what is expected of men. Success, wealth, emotional stability, etc etc.

Nobody cares if the girl is a Rambo inside or if she cries whenever she sees her favorite popsinger on MTV. It does make a huge difference on men, however, what kind of emotion they show.

[Franki]

Originally Posted by StrubbleS

Not aspiring what society tells you to do. Or realizing (in the best care) or talking yourself into (in the worst case), that the Proto-Man, that society describes is just not attractive.

I came to terms that I am a geek and I enjoy the company of other geeks. When going out I am just the entertainer, joking around with my friends instead of being the suave guy flirting with the girls. It makes the evening just more pleasurable for me. I don't have a lot of physical strength and would rather run than fight. I don't do a lot of things that make me more attractive (like getting contact lenses. Had dozens of people tell me I look much better without glasses, but never the other way round), because simply I just don't care enough for that. If someone doesn't find me attractive because I have glasses or braces I don't even want to be involved with that person.

I am simply what I am and I don't feel like I am missing attributes or qualities that make me a better person.

I love this post .

When I can be arsed to get out of bed and turn my laptop on, I will chuck a nomination for potw in.

[KiwiFruit]

Originally Posted by StrubbleS

As much as no males will hang around unshaved, untanned floozies, who have had a few sex partner changes in the past (slag, STIs zomg!).

Fun thing about stereotypes is, that they go both ways.

Yeah- reality not so clear cut

[KiwiFruit]

Originally Posted by katralla

Suicide in young men is the 'silent epidemic'. It's a gender specific problem and, I don't know why more people don't talk about it, seeing as it must affect so many of us.

men from family backgrounds where they were socialized to be strong and learnt to deny personal weakness are more prone to mental collapse and suicide attempts

many women share feelings appropiately with sources of social support and these people survive lifes turmoil better- their egos are nurtured and strong this way

Originally Posted by wheresmyplacebo

don't normally agree with you but exactly, everyone has flaws and quirks about themselves, just make the most of what you have to be as happy as you can

when I was younger I wanted to be the best and noticed many things lacking in my life. Now I have learnt to accept myself with flaws and live by philosophy of content not craving for more

[KiwiFruit]

Originally Posted by I'm With Stupid

..................particularly young men, are far more likely to become suicide bombers, for example. Incidentally, the female suicide bombers that do exist tend to be childless divorcees. In other words, women who are considered worthless (or perceive themselves to be considered worthless) in the society in which they live.

also women who lack a fit in society or money just find a man for herself- whilst a man who can't fend for himself others are more likely to be avoided

[I'm With Stupid]

Originally Posted by StrubbleS

Nobody cares if the girl is a Rambo inside or if she cries whenever she sees her favorite popsinger on MTV. It does make a huge difference on men, however, what kind of emotion they show.

I dunno, I think that goes both ways. It might be fine for women to cry at a film, but what about in the business world? Whereas getting outwardly angry, which you are probably more likely to see men doing, is often seen as a positive thing. Crying is a sign that you're not cut out for a high pressure job, whereas anger is a sign that you're passionate about the job you're doing. Both are essentially just letting your emotions get the better of you, yet the typical male reaction is the one that is considered a virtue.

Anyway, I keep wanting to write more on this thread, but I've got this stupid fucking job to go to. Ah well, 2 more days and counting. Think I'm the only person in the world leaving a job by choice atm.

[Namaste]

Originally Posted by KiwiFruit

Do men always have to be emotionally robust or make their way in life?

suicide is highest amongst men in their 20s when social pressures are intense

Things like unemployment, mental illness, not getting a woman or being without a car .......even being bad at DIY. All these shortcomings can erode a man's inner confidence

Will men lie, walk over others to get what they want or top themselves to protect a wounded ego inside

I think that people are responsible for making their own meaning and finding their own happiness (yes, this comes from somebody who has a mental illness and at times feels too bad and ugly to leave the house, go figure)...

I do feel for men however... I think that women cope better with a lot of pressures because it's socially acceptable to talk to each other, without being seen as weak... That is probably a big part of the reason for a higher suicide rate.

As for not having a car... Is that an issue?

Most people I know don't have cars and they are OK.

The job issue affects both genders, but I have noticed a huge amount of jobs which disappeared were traditionally 'male'. In Wales where I am from, the closures of the steel works and coal mines must've been awful for the men who had to provide for their families.

As for boys failing in schools... Why do people think that is?

[KiwiFruit]

Originally Posted by Namaste

I do feel for men however... I think that women cope better with a lot of pressures because it's socially acceptable to talk to each other, without being seen as weak... That is probably a big part of the reason for a higher suicide rate.

I didn't see the point of talking, feel much emotional impact from it nor gopt across to people the right way when a teenager. No its easy and as important as eating twice a day and sleeping

Originally Posted by Namaste

As for not having a car... Is that an issue?
Most people I know don't have cars and they are OK.

it is if a gf is fed up using the buses and finds another man with a car- how it makes him feel- happened to one of my friends

Originally Posted by Namaste

The job issue affects both genders, but I have noticed a huge amount of jobs which disappeared were traditionally 'male'. In Wales where I am from, the closures of the steel works and coal mines must've been awful for the men who had to provide for their families.

men out of work and with powerful male egos just join the army, especially in the US

[CptCoatHanger]

Originally Posted by KiwiFruit

it is if a gf is fed up using the buses and finds another man with a car- how it makes him feel- happened to one of my friends

If a girl becomes fed up of travelling on buses with the lowly proles, and decides to find another man - one with a car - to avoid the inconvenience of using public transport, then that woman is a vacuous fuck-wit and the man shouldn't trouble his "fragile ego" over it.

men out of work and with powerful male egos just join the army, especially in the US

What's a 'powerful ego'?

ETA: Strubbles & IWS: I cry at Field of Dreams every time.

[AllAmericanRageJunky]

This is all you need to know about how to act like a man.

[Captain Slog]

Originally Posted by StrubbleS

Not aspiring what society tells you to do. Or realizing (in the best care) or talking yourself into (in the worst case), that the Proto-Man, that society describes is just not attractive.

I came to terms that I am a geek and I enjoy the company of other geeks. When going out I am just the entertainer, joking around with my friends instead of being the suave guy flirting with the girls. It makes the evening just more pleasurable for me. I don't have a lot of physical strength and would rather run than fight. I don't do a lot of things that make me more attractive (like getting contact lenses. Had dozens of people tell me I look much better without glasses, but never the other way round), because simply I just don't care enough for that. If someone doesn't find me attractive because I have glasses or braces I don't even want to be involved with that person.

I am simply what I am and I don't feel like I am missing attributes or qualities that make me a better person.

That about sums it up for me.

I dunno, I think that goes both ways. It might be fine for women to cry at a film, but what about in the business world? Whereas getting outwardly angry, which you are probably more likely to see men doing, is often seen as a positive thing. Crying is a sign that you're not cut out for a high pressure job, whereas anger is a sign that you're passionate about the job you're doing. Both are essentially just letting your emotions get the better of you, yet the typical male reaction is the one that is considered a virtue.

That was the problem I had at work. It was expected that I should be in the bar drinking every night and that I should stand up for myself.
However, I have great difficulty standing up against others, particularly those more senior to myself. Eventually I cracked under the pressure. Fortunately I never went so far as to kill myself but I was scarily close.
Still looking for a job.