who is being selfish?

[Pan_chan_boo]

These past few days i seem to have had a hard time. Two close people have turned on me.

I thought my ex was my best friend, he currently looks after our two cats that we got when we were together. I can only have them one day a week because of my living situation and have been doing so for the past 6 weeks (although we've been split up for two years). Suddenly he has decided that i cant have them as it unsettles one of them slightly. He's said that i have to go round to his to see them and that if i take them home im being selfish. Naturaly i was a bit distraught by this, i love my cats and i saw red when i was told i couldnt have them. I fell apart slightly as the prick was stupid enough to let my cats out on bonfire night, i spent an hour running through the street trying to find one of them fearing the worst and this is what i was greated with the next day.

Because iv been preocuppied sorting this out, i cancelled on my brother for his full monty gig. I also cancelled because i fell out with him the night before over this situation with my ex and a comment he made about it which infuriated me, naturaly i dont want to support someone who wont give me the support i need when im in tears, and i dont particularly want to see my brother strip anyway tbh, even if it is for charity. I've come online to see him post a status update on facebook saying about how his family couldnt be bothered to turn up and i feel even more like crap, and i want to yell at him for being selfish as he's included my parents in this who have been busy preparing for a visit from our friends from france.

I'm starting to loose faith in the people im meant to be close to, they just seem to be pulling me apart, being selish and telling me its all me, and i dont know what im doing wrong. Last time i felt like this i fled to France for a month and lived out of my car, im tempted to do it again

[Big Gay]

It's not unreasonable to not want to see your brother naked, but it's also not unreasonable for him to want to feel his families support. Did you support the charity as a result of him doing this?

As for the cats... it's a lot of disruption - although it's probably good that they're kept so used to cat carriers. o you suspect he's trying to use the cats as an excuse to see more of you?

[Pan_chan_boo]

For my brother, we said we would give money to the charity because we couldnt make it. But that doesnt seem to be enough, he's annoyed that we wern't physicaly there to support him. We all went to see him do the same last year and as mentioned my parents had plans this year.

For the ex, its so complicated. There is a possibility that he wants me to be there more, I used to go and hang out with him a lot but iv stopped that lately as its weird, and i get extreemly bored of watching him play computer games. When we were talking (or should I say arguing) about the cats, he came out with "you walked out" to say that its my fault we are in this situation, but then he's got a girlfriend and he's trying for a baby with her. I dont understand it.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

i would never EVER watch my brother strip *vomits*
why why why would he want you to?

I think your ex is being perfectly reasonable saying for you to not take the cats to your house. Cats are territorial and i cant imagine a cat being fine with this. Theyre not like dogs

[clementine_the_tangerine]

I dont mean to sound horrible and unsympathetic but I think you're going to have to cut your losses with the cats. Like SCC said, cats are very territorial. It may feel like it but they aren't your kids. If this boyfriend is using the cats as a way to make you come over then you owe it to yourself to distance yourself from that situation however hard it may be. I know this sounds horrible and it isn't meant to sound horrible but you can get some cats again in the future. It doesnt seem rectifiable from this position.

[StrubbleS]

so does your brother really go totally nude in the strip scenes? I am not too fussed about nudity, but rather among friends etc. I don't really like it, when I see a family member naked or vice versa. So if my sister would go totally nude I would probably not go to the show out of principle. If she does not, I would go. It's a bit harsh that you cancelled on your brother, but at least you've got a point, maybe you should tell him that.

about the cats: I agree with scc and rach here.

[Pan_chan_boo]

Originally Posted by clementine_the_tangerine

I dont mean to sound horrible and unsympathetic but I think you're going to have to cut your losses with the cats. Like SCC said, cats are very territorial. It may feel like it but they aren't your kids. If this boyfriend is using the cats as a way to make you come over then you owe it to yourself to distance yourself from that situation however hard it may be. I know this sounds horrible and it isn't meant to sound horrible but you can get some cats again in the future. It doesnt seem rectifiable from this position.

To me my cats are not replaceable. I know that not everyone understands the love people can have for animals. To me they are like my children, I am the only person who can pick my cat up and cuddle him, he knows the sound of my car engine and comes running, when I first left two years ago my cat changed completly in behaviour, wouldnt go near my ex. so to me its seems cruel to just abandon them.

I know cats are territorial, but when I have them with me there seems to be no problem. They are content, do nothing but purr and sleep on my bed and follow me around, my house is only a 3 min walk away from my ex's flat. So its not as if its a long journey to an area that is completely different.

My answer to it was i will keep taking them each weekend, and when i find a new place to live i will take them off his hands completely. Obviously he wasn't happy, maybe its mean, but i dont feel i have a choice.

As for my brother, yep he went completely naked. As I said I went to see him last year. Felt like a right prat sat on my own while everyone flocked to the stage. This facebook status of his complaining that his family didnt show has created uproar, my parents are on the edge of arguement, and my dad is fragile as it is in these situations, he wants to pack up and leave.

Its weird, i just seem to be stood in the middle of everything falling apart and there isnt anything i can do.

[StrubbleS]

you could always try to be some mediator between your brother and your parents to try and defuse the situation.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

i do understand you love your cats, but it really isnt being fair to them to take them away from their home every few days. That isnt in their interest.
You either need to just take them full time or not at all. Hes already said it unsettled the cats. Youre not doing them any favours by moving them around like that

[Big Gay]

This isn't the first time he stripped for charity, and you were there for him the first time - he's lost my sympathy.

[Pan_chan_boo]

Originally Posted by SuzyCreamcheese

i do understand you love your cats, but it really isnt being fair to them to take them away from their home every few days. That isnt in their interest.
You either need to just take them full time or not at all. Hes already said it unsettled the cats. Youre not doing them any favours by moving them around like that

I know that perhaps it is unsettling for them, but I find it hard to see the problem, almost everything unsettles a cat. Moving furniture, new people, going the vets, the hoover etc. When I asked what my ex meant by they are unsettled, he said that they want to go outside more. I'm not being funny, but they always want to go out when they are with him, both him and his gf smoke and my cat has asthema (yes he even has a little cat inhaler) when they go out they wander into the neighbours houses and sleep on their beds and couches and get fed. I dont see why there is a problem for them doing the same at mine. Why do I have to deny myself access to my cats when my neighbours are free to have them anytime?

As I said I will find my own place and take them, but my ex is reluctant to give them to me completely. He wants them 100% of the time and for me to not have them at all. Its just seems so unfair.

[Pan_chan_boo]

Originally Posted by Big Gay

This isn't the first time he stripped for charity, and you were there for him the first time - he's lost my sympathy.

Exactly, we have been there for him on many occasions. I've picked my brother up from town at 2 am, my parents always lend him money, we give him lifts etc. But he has the nerve to post on facebook and make us all seem unsupportive.

I have the biggest urge to start beating people to death with their own shoes.

[skakitty]

No! don't ruin the shoes!

[clementine_the_tangerine]

I do understand love for animals, my own cat is treated like a little baby by myself. I guess if you can't cut away completely, at least distance yourself for the time being until and if your boyfriend calms down. Then either carry on taking them for part of the week or maybe he will have calmed down enough so it's easier for you to just pop over and see them. I hope it works out anyway.

[icey]

Am I the only person who read and thought "It's a fucking cat!? "
Are you sure the cats are the issue here and not wanting to get one over on your ex who is seemingly 'winning'?