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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
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    3

    Unhappy No sex for ten years?

    Somehow I've ended up in the position of not having had sex for nearly ten years. I've even had a couple of "girlfriends" in the last few years, but they always dumped me before we went all the way.

    It's basically turning into a nightmare, as I feel I'm basically back at square one, a virgin, and pretty much a complete loser. You hear friends and colleagues complaining that they haven't got laid for a month or two, and I daren't mention my situation, for fear of complete and utter embarrassment.

    In the last 12 months I've had a couple of what couple have been one night stands, but they both ended up with me failing to perform, I think probably due to complete terror. Most people think I'm fairly attractive and funny and all that, but my self-esteem, especially when thinking about being in bed with someone, is plunging quickly to zero.

    Anyway, just thought I throw this out there...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    1,214
    If thrown from a horse, you get back on and ride!

    Sex isn't at all important, now make yourself some female friends and, at the end of a wonderful evening, you'll soon forget what all the fuss was about.
    Quick with the tough love

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Crappy south croydon!!!
    Posts
    5,844
    Er... maybe pay for sex. Morally wrong? Perhaps, but might help you because it leaves you in charge and you are in control of what does or doesn't happen. I don't mean go with old whore or anything.

    If you did it once or twice it may give you back some confidence in the sack, cos if you get a floppy she wont care, she still gets paid. You get to have sex without any real pressure which is what you need!!

    Can't think of any short term answers to your problem. 10 years if bloody long time to go without, you've most likely thought of paying for it and disagree with it. In which case I do not know how you can overcome this without waiting for a woman who will understand your problem and respect for you it.
    Eat well, stay fit - Die anyway

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    236
    or you could wait for a nice gf
    The scientific believe what they prove, the religious try to prove what they already believe

    Stevie Wonder is AMAZING!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    143
    Quote Originally Posted by billybob87
    or you could wait for a nice gf
    Billybob has a point there

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    7
    One night stands are always a fucking nightmare - definatley alot of pressure. I'm sure when you find someone you really like, there won't be an issue.

    Maybe you just aint meeting enough women, get a hobby or something!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    236
    Quote Originally Posted by Boozy
    Billybob has a point there
    lol i just realised how stupid my username is
    The scientific believe what they prove, the religious try to prove what they already believe

    Stevie Wonder is AMAZING!!!!!!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    3

    Thumbs up

    Thanks for your comments, people.

    I would consider paying for sex to be crossing the line... I know it might be a good quick fix, but I'd like to be able to say in fifty years' time that I've never slept with a prostitute... call me old fashioned.

    The problem with one night stands, apart from my terrible success rate so far, is that, well they could just be for that one night, and if you haven't done it for ten years, it would be nice to meet someone that you could do it with, well, more than once. (I'm assuming the first time with me will be pretty rubbish for all concerned anyway.)

    It's difficult to balance not appearing to be desperate with the fear of sleeping with somone again and the pressure of ten years of unintentional abstinence. Sometimes it just gets too much, and whirls around in my head with no obvious conclusion, and I ended up posting to a web site!

    I appreciate the getting back on the horse if you fall off analogy - I was just thinking, you could see each new day as one day longer without sex, or alternatively view it as one day closer towards meeting somone new. Personally I find it easier to take the pessimistic view most of the time, but I know it's not for the best.

    Must try harder!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Edinburgh
    Posts
    1,514
    Iv been a year with out and almost a year another time, I think that this is fairrly commen evern normal, at the moment Im aproatching 6 months.
    When I broke that year I had 3 in 3 weeks thats what happens to me anyway,

    Anyway advice. 1stly dont beleive this everyones shagging but me thats bollox, I wouldnt go to a prostitute, youve managed to get someone to agree to have sex with you thats a start, quite a big start infact. the real loosers never get to that stage,

    Honestly Id say try a one night stand again take it easy dont feel under too much pressure and if you cant get it up take some viagra not used it my self but young guys who have tell me they get an erection with out trying or thinking, so thats 1st get some and pop one if youve got a one night stand happening. Once youve done it once then next time will be easier.

    Alternativly you might be alright with a girlfriend that way it can be taken slower and theres no prtessure to perform "now" it can be tomorrow after a long chat, so the build up with the relationship will make you more relaxed and you should be able to preform.

    I dont know your age how old you look or how many mates youve got, Im assuming your 30's theres plenty of clubs for those ages, If youve got the mated hit them each weekend and try your luck with the lessa ttractive ones once youve done one or two your confidence will return and then yu vcan reasses your situation and lok for somrething more permament.
    I don't want no problems cause I put you down
    In the ground where you can not be found

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    beneath my façade.
    Posts
    3,118
    I havent have sex for 14 years... now i realise lol
    "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Edinburgh
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    1,514
    Quote Originally Posted by quarfly
    I havent have sex for 14 years... now i realise lol
    Good point but not quite the same thing,
    I don't want no problems cause I put you down
    In the ground where you can not be found

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    beneath my façade.
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    3,118
    Quote Originally Posted by Iknowyourmum
    Good point but not quite the same thing,
    "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    Posts
    29,419
    Quote Originally Posted by ginner
    Sex isn't at all important
    It's only not important if you're getting it on a regular basis.

    If you go looking for sex you will find that the people you find are also needy and desperate, or that you won't find people at all. Needy and desperate isn't what you need. Needy and desperate isn't what other people need.

    You could do with starting by looking at your self-esteem, and working on that. Work up to being sociable again, particularly with women. Work up to meeting people. Work up to meeting people you want to have sex with. Work up to sex.

    You say you feel like you're a virgin again. Behave like a virgin, and take your time, and only have sex with someone who matters. It will help your performance as you won't be so desperate for the shag to be "the one".

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Midlands
    Posts
    4,191
    Quote Originally Posted by Kermit
    You could do with starting by looking at your self-esteem, and working on that. Work up to being sociable again, particularly with women. Work up to meeting people. Work up to meeting people you want to have sex with. Work up to sex.

    You say you feel like you're a virgin again. Behave like a virgin, and take your time, and only have sex with someone who matters. It will help your performance as you won't be so desperate for the shag to be "the one".
    yes. i agree. i think you need to take it slow. and you need to try and stop judging yourself on how much sex you've had; as beating yourself up in that way will undoubtably make the problem worse and your inability to perform won't improve.
    Good judgement comes from experience.
    Experience comes from bad judgement.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    1,496
    Quote Originally Posted by ginner
    If thrown from a horse, you get back on and ride!

    Sex isn't at all important, now make yourself some female friends and, at the end of a wonderful evening, you'll soon forget what all the fuss was about.

    ten years without sex and i would go nuts, its bad enough going ten days without. but as ginner said get some female friends and things will go the way you want it. you say the girls dump you before your moving on to it, do you think theres any particular reason for that or is it chance? do you come on too strong? etc

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