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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2005
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    20

    Can you ever regain trust in a relationship??

    is this possible?? If a guy you had been with for a couple of years lied thru the back teeth to your face on a number of occasions. Can you ever learn to trust him ever again?? Can you ever rebuild the trust or is it definately gone forever?? Thats my pet hate, i can not stand liars around me, then i realise im in a realtionship with the biggest one of all.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
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    i think the point is less can you, and more would you want to.

    if someone lies and lies and lies to you, and then you forgive him, what is to stop him lying again in the future? unless he had a bloody good reason to lie, surely the minimum requirement for a relationship is a level of trust, and of honesty?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2001
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    Newcastle upon Tyne
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    29,419
    It depends what he lied about, and why.

    If they're big lies, or lots and lots of pointless little lies, then no, I wouldn't trust.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
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    NW England
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    Yes you can
    Be offended, Be VERY offended

    http://spaces.msn.com/members/bomberman444/

  5. #5
    _guest Guest
    I have to echo again that it really hinges on what the lies were about, obviously there are different circumstances in every different situation/relationship.

    As a generic answer, and speaking from a personal point of view (as to what I'd do) I'd say I wouldn't be able to build up trust again once it had been broken. It seems a dreadful shame to just cut your losses on a relationship and a man that you've spent time and energy getting to know/presumably love. But in reality if he was lying consistently to you throughout then how genuine is the relationship, and is it worth all the heartache?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
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    1,420
    I think its very hard too!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    20
    thanks everyone. xx the things he used to lie to me about are big to me but he thinks that theyre not. he would basically deny he d been to places(where any female wouldnt like their blokes to be!) when i knew damn well he had been there! he would deny it and deny it. id never let the subject drop and after maybe a few days, in the end, he would confess. wtf is all that about?? it hurts to know he cant be straight with me and hurts even more when he keeps on doing what hes doing. we finished before xmas and since then hes never left me alone, hes always trying to get back with me. i love him to bits but I CANT trust him!!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    137
    Sounds to me like you'd do best to keep away from him.
    If there's no trust in a relationship there doens't seem much point as you'll always be worrying about whether he's lying again.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    20
    Quote Originally Posted by loveablesilence
    Sounds to me like you'd do best to keep away from him.
    If there's no trust in a relationship there doens't seem much point as you'll always be worrying about whether he's lying again.
    I know. ive told him i cant believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore,its sooo fucked up!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    New Jersey
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    338
    I think it depends on what is. Some larger issues like sleeping around etc I couldn't get over that, I wouldn't even put forth effort to try to work it out. Tho there are smaller more forgivable things that i could still hold trust for someone. It really depends on the guidelines set forth in your relationship

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
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    ooop north
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    12,716
    Quote Originally Posted by brownbarbie
    thanks everyone. xx the things he used to lie to me about are big to me but he thinks that theyre not. he would basically deny he d been to places(where any female wouldnt like their blokes to be!) when i knew damn well he had been there! he would deny it and deny it. id never let the subject drop and after maybe a few days, in the end, he would confess. wtf is all that about?? it hurts to know he cant be straight with me and hurts even more when he keeps on doing what hes doing. we finished before xmas and since then hes never left me alone, hes always trying to get back with me. i love him to bits but I CANT trust him!!!

    You've tried to leave him, now it's time to make it clear. Tell him to stop bothering you.
    Another quality post brought to you by Mr Mist, god of Moo.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Leeds
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    11,377
    Quote Originally Posted by brownbarbie
    is this possible?? If a guy you had been with for a couple of years lied thru the back teeth to your face on a number of occasions. Can you ever learn to trust him ever again??
    No
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  13. #13
    Definitely one can regain trust in a relationship.Here are some tips:

    Once damage has been healed it is of utmost importance to be truthful and honest with each other. This includes diplomacy, which means that it is however not necessary to tell your partner each tiny little detail of your affair as this only increases the hurt and is not helpful to regain trust.

    After a trust breaker your relationship needs time to heal. This means paying attention to your partner and making your relationship the main focus. In certain cases marriage counselling or coaching is a good way to help you get through it.

    If you are generally over-promising and under-delivering make sure that you ONLY make promises that you can keep. This is an ultra-sensitive period where you want to deliver what you promise.

    Where you might have held back before it is now time to make talking with your partner a priority. Help each other heal from the situation and gently build back your connection.
    Last edited by **helen**; 19-11-2010 at 09:15 AM. Reason: Link removed

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    At the bottom of the gard
    Posts
    258
    My answer to the original question is a big fat NO!!
    Even if u think u can trust again your kidding yourself.
    Relationships are wholey based on trust and if someone breaks that trust its broken forever . x
    Live life each day, life is short!

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    London
    Posts
    79
    I think you can't trust a guy that has lied that much.

    But you can , however, give him a chance if he does some treatment to stop lying.
    Tomorrow our seeds will grow. All we need is dedication.

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