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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    NJ USA www.capemay.com
    Posts
    4,134

    Automated Mental Health Hotline (joke)

    Machine at Mental Hospital





    "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline..."
    * If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
    repeatedly.

    * If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
    press 2 for you.

    * If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5,
    and 6.

    * If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
    you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    * If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will
    be transferred to the mother ship.

    * If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
    small voice will tell you which number to press.

    * If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
    which number you press; no one will answer.

    * If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name,
    address, telephone number, date of birth, social
    security number, and your mother's maiden name.

    * If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
    message after the beep or before the beep or after the
    beep. Please wait
    for the beep.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All
    of
    our operators are too busy to talk to you.

    * If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan,
    lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

    * If you are blonde, please don't press any buttons;
    you'll just mess it up.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    I live in North Wales and
    Posts
    34,621
    even though you are a brainwashed young american pissinthepot... you do make me laugh. i do like you, despite the crap you come out with in the polotics forum, or is it because of the crap? your not gonna take shit laying down.... that i do like.

    (_________________________O_______________________ __)

    woman goes to the antique road show and slaps a used tampon on the table. "tell me which period that came from you clever cunt!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    europe
    Posts
    24,860
    LOL,
    sorry to be pedantic though, but arent manic depression and bi-polar disorder the same thing????

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Crappy south croydon!!!
    Posts
    5,844
    Hehehe, very good :D

    *Although, I have seen it before*
    Eat well, stay fit - Die anyway

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    cana-duh
    Posts
    552
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    LOL,
    sorry to be pedantic though, but arent manic depression and bi-polar disorder the same thing????
    Ya! That's what I thought too! Learn something new every day I 'spose!

    Still a good joke though!
    "The heart has its own reasons, which the mind cannot understand."-osho.com
    PositivePain hosts BASHFUL PARTIES

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    NJ USA www.capemay.com
    Posts
    4,134
    I knew you liked me MR.

    And they could be the same thing seeings as I don't know what either is.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Dublin
    Posts
    299
    Still chuckling at that one... very good! Any more where they came from??

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Reading.
    Posts
    1,737
    I love that joke and the tampon one! LMFAO!:D
    *~Don't you just hate it when that happens?~*

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    South Coast
    Posts
    6,406

    Re: Automated Mental Health Hotline (joke)

    Originally posted by pnjsurferpoet
    * If you are blonde, please don't press any buttons;
    you'll just mess it up.
    that's the best bit!
    I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter

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