Hide this page

Local Advice Finder

Find local services

Subscribe to newsletter

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    22

    Do I go back to him?

    Today was the day I finally managed to break up with my boyfriend. Lets call him Dave? I had been thinking about ending things with him for a while. Here goes the hard bit of why... We had only been together a month or so when he told me that he had to move his ex back in with him. He said it was because he couldn't afford to pay the rent on his own and it meant he got to see more of his son. He convinced me it wouldn't be a long term thing and that he had no feelings for her and I was okay with it all. We wasnt really in a proper relationship at the time we had just been messing around. I would still go round to his everyday and he would be arguing with his ex the whole time I was there so i knew they wasn't getting back together. But now 6 months down the line she is still living there, I have found out they have been sleeping together every night, not as in having sex just sharing a bed... supposidly. When i'm there (not as often as I used to be because the ex started questioning Dave about why i was there so much since she doesnt know were dating) he will now kiss her on the lips to say goodbye and if she calls him he will say love you before he hangs up. Turns out she thinks they are in a relationship and he is playing happy familys.

    Anyway... Today I finally managed to tell him it was over and im not being with him if hes still with her. He told me that she means nothing and she is just a smoke screen so people dont find out about me and him (because its currently illegal for me and him to date). He said he will go and get his own 2 bedroom place that he can afford alone and he will only want me in his life. Do I believe him and give him a chance to? I dont know if he really will do that, I think he would but cant be sure. I told him it was over last night then met him this morning to explain why. I havent been able to stop crying since last night and evertime someone talks to me or i see a familer face i just burst into tears. I miss him already and am finding it really hard not to text him and go back to him. I think i might actually be in love with him? Someone please tell me what they would do?

    thanks.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    22
    Forgot to mention... he said the only reason he is being so nice to her at the moment it because her dad just passed away so he is being 'supportive' and publicly 'playing the game' so people think they are together and dont question about me and him.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,015
    Hmmm sounds dodgy to me. Can i ask how if your relationship illegal? It sounds a bit like he wants to have the happy family situation with mother and child, and have you as his bit on the side as well
    Love Is Not Love That Alters When It Alteration Finds

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    22
    Its confusing about the legal situation and im not really alowed to say to much but it is basically because of the place he works, when he leaves there in 8 months it will be fine. Does sound a bit like that :/ thanks

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    The Shire
    Posts
    464
    If she thinks they are in a relationship and they are sharing a bed then i'm personally not believing that he isn't having sex with her aswell.

    I assume from the "illegal" comment that this is the 28 year old guy who works in your school that you posted about a while ago?

    TBH he sounds like an all round dodgy geezer who you are well shot of. As Lexi says he wants his home life and he wants his 16 year old on the side (which is weird enough on it's own in my opinion)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    585
    Quote Originally Posted by Neddy View Post
    If she thinks they are in a relationship and they are sharing a bed then i'm personally not believing that he isn't having sex with her aswell.

    I assume from the "illegal" comment that this is the 28 year old guy who works in your school that you posted about a while ago?

    TBH he sounds like an all round dodgy geezer who you are well shot of. As Lexi says he wants his home life and he wants his 16 year old on the side (which is weird enough on it's own in my opinion)
    This, i think it's probably best for you to find someone who is much more worth your time
    sɹnoʎ uɐɥʇ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ʇsnظ sı ʎʇıןɐǝɹ ʎɯ 'ʎzɐɹɔ ʇou ɯ,ı

    Our domain, this kingdom come, now godless lands whose ways are lost.
    Without the strength to carry on. All values lost all virtue none.
    Did you think you would be saved?
    By burning flags to cleanse yourselves of shame?
    Or are you afraid as you stare back at your face?
    Are you ashamed, are you afraid, by destroying what the gods had made?
    Did you think you would be saved?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    3,132
    I would stay well clear of him, he sounds like he fell out with his other half and now things are possibly getting back on track again, and he might still want you on the side for a bit of fun. Although I'm unsure about the legalities, it might still cause you both hassle if you got together "officially" after he left where he works if people suspect things might have happened before hand.

    To be honest he sounds like a grade A idiot and as others have said, you deserve someone better than that.
    Geordie Bore - The musings of a (fake) Geordie.
    GarethMilner.co.uk - Personal site
    IndyReferendum.co.uk - Latest independence stories

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    454
    Hi Luciee,

    Well done for posting this must be a hard and upsetting situation for you.

    Perhaps the issue isn't whether you believe him when he says they are just sleeping together (and not having sex), but whether the sleeping together in the same bed bothers you? If this already does, then maybe it's a sign that everything else he's doing with her (kissing on lips, pretending to be together) is not acceptable for you?

    The legal issue might seem like a good excuse for him to allow this to be hidden - so is this something that you believe will really change when he leaves his job?

    Perhaps he doesn't want to hurt his ex by ending their relationship properly (as they also have a son) however this seems very unfair to you. Putting your feelings for him aside for a moment - could it be worth feeling that perhaps you deserve more? -Or at least his full attention?

    Have you been able to confide in some of your friends about this? (as it seems your parents are unaware of this relationship?)

    Do let us know how you get on
    have hope and faith, things will eventually fade or change

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Show site map

TheSite.org is delivered by YouthNet UK. Registered charity number: 1048995