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  1. #1
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    Feel Like I Missed It

    So I've been ill since January... Too ill to go out... Dealt with a shitty relationship, the possibility of being bipolar, plus other stuff...

    The past month or so, I've been well enough to socialise, but I feel stuck... One of my best mates seems to be avoiding me for some reason and I've moved teams in work... I am bored shitless... I can't chat to them like I could with my old team..

    I spend a lot of time alone down the gym, watching films, reading... I'm used to it, secure with it... But these past few weeks.... I think I'm lonely.

    It's weird 'cause I never normally feel it... I just feel like nobody wouls wanna chat anyway, as I'm a bit of a bore... I just feel that the past few months, especially being ill, that I can't relate to a lot of people anymore...

    I'm sure this is a phase... Can anybody relate?
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  2. #2
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    Hi,

    Well done for posting this. have u tried going to ur GP about what's going on. Maybe u can try and write a letter to ur friends/ family about how ur feeling or talking to them face to face. that's a good thing that ur going out and doing things that u enjoyed doing to try and cope. have u tried doing anything else that helps u cope. Will u be able to tell me how old u are so I can find u to talk to. ur welcome to keep posting on here. we are here for u too x ((Hugs))
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  3. #3
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    Namaste, I have a similar problem sometimes. I will often go months and months speaking to no-one (other than people I have to, like my mum), and when I do speak to someone it is very minimal. And then when I feel ready to join back in a group of friends, everyone seems to have forgotten about me, or seems to assume I wouldn't want to meet up/talk to them.

    It is hard work to get back into a friendship group... maybe you should arrange a meet up one weekend with a few people?

    Also, you aren't a bore at all, I've always thought you are a very interesting person.

    Mental illnesses is hard to cope with at the best of times, but when you feel lonely and isolated too it just adds to it all.
    Are there any group therapies you could join? I know they aren't for everyone, and maybe it'd be your idea of hell, but if not then it's worth discussing with your GP
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  4. #4
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    Gonna force myself to go to a queer bar 2moro... Maybe I'll meet new people...

    Yeah, been to a bipolar group. It was ok... I mean, people's experiences resonate at least in that respect, it's less lonely.

    You're right, it's like being forgotten... Like you've missed a train and been left behind...

    Think I am gonna ask psychiatrist for counselling... Had a tough year and dealt with a lot alone.
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  5. #5
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    When I withdrew from socialising for a long time and was very ill, I found that afterwards it took a long time to rebuild some relationships. They never settled quite back to normal and some have hardly recovered. But I realised that these are friends who rely on me being well enough to socialise and didn't want to support me on my terms (when I had a broken leg they didn't visit, either, so it wasn't just about the fact it was a mental health thing) and so I've focussed on the few fabulous people who did make the effort and rebuilt my life with them.

    Promise me you'll always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ― Winnie-the-Pooh

  6. #6
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    Heather, I'm 28 and already have a psychiatrist. The person who is avoiding me, I don't trust any more (it's a long story) and the only family I talk to is Mum and occasionally brother...

    I don't think people hate me, I just don't have any close relationships at the moment... I have people to chat normal stuff to, but nobody who understands what I've been through recently and nobody to talk to about things like homophobia (just straight people who say "who cares, if I were gay.." well you're not)....
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Namaste View Post
    I don't think people hate me, I just don't have any close relationships at the moment... I have people to chat normal stuff to, but nobody who understands what I've been through recently and nobody to talk to about things like homophobia (just straight people who say "who cares, if I were gay.." well you're not)....
    This might sound a little odd, but bear with me. Do you think your psychiatrist could get you into a CBT skills group? They don't exist everywhere but they're really good; the skills they teach are the same as individual CBT but being part of a group might help you to also get your social confidence up a bit.

    Promise me you'll always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ― Winnie-the-Pooh

  8. #8
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    If it's any reassurance, and it might not be, so feel free to ignore, in some ways I feel very similar. A year ago I moved from the greater london area up to the North of Scotland, and started a job with a really odd working pattern. 3 weeks ago I moved jobs (all with the same company) to another place where I don't know anyone.


    I've got used to my own company and doing things like you mentioned, and with the previous job a lot of the time that was the way things had to be because of my work pattern; but my colleagues were really friendly and we used to chat at work a reasonable amount and also socialise outside of work a bit so that was something. The new office is completely different and is deathly silent most of the day.

    I miss having people around who I know well, and know me well, who you can chat the easy chit chat or the less fun stuff with.

    I don't have any magic solutions I'm afraid, but thought might help to know that something similar happens to people who haven't been ill.

    Are there classes at the gym you go to? I started doing Zumba not that long before I moved, and was starting to make friends there - there were some people who went to the same class every week and started chatting before/after class. One to consider, as well as Picc's (far more practical) suggestions.
    Growls

  9. #9
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    Classes at my gym aren't social really... Though I'm hoping to go back and study next year up north... Maybe it'll be friendlier.

    ETA: I kinda wonder if part of my issue is that I have had very few conversations which don't involve work, or listening to people's problems recently... I love geeky conversations... Maybe I am bored.com
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  10. #10
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    I think I can relate to a little of what you are saying. Currently I feel like I have zilch to contribute to conversation other than 'I'm getting more pregnant'.

    It also sounds like your interests are changing slightly and you'd rather more meaningful conversation than the usual conversation fillers. If you've been out of the social loop recently; take time to introduce yourself back into it slowly. It doesn't make sense putting pressure on yourself to be a social butterfly so don't set your expectations too high. But suggesting meeting a friend in town for a coffee and a catch up can't hurt. True, it may not be the kind of friendship or interaction you're wanting right now but at least you're getting out there.

    Your move up north sounds really exciting. Is it January you're going? Maybe see this period between now and Christmas for a practice opportunity before you start a new chapter of your life. You'll probably be making lots of new friends whom ideally you can have a deeper relationship with but at the same time though you may have outgrown the friends you are now- it would be useful to still have those links however casual they might be.
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  11. #11
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    Well.... It's hopefully next September. I need to save up.

    Ugh... My 'friend' is being so weird with me... I contact them and tell them I wanna get involved with a project they're in again (I pulled out when I was sick), as they sent out an Email asking for help...

    They ignore my Emails for a month regarding it... I try and talk to them in person, they're "busy"... They're off work and people on their team don't know why... I call them and txt them to make sure they're ok, but no reply... We used to call and txt a lot.

    They get to me a month later, to tell me to go to a meeting... After the meeting they have a go at me for not being involved enough in front of other people... But they ignored and avoided me and I had to speak to another member of the group to know to go to the meeting...

    Then yesterday, I had to rush past them to grab something and they call me out loudky for being "rude" in front of people... wtf?

    I'm sick of only ever existing to people if they want something... Why do people ask if I have a problem with them, or get offended if I'm not always talkative when they want me to be.... Why not "are you ok? You've been quiet"

    I did go out last night and had a good time. I think I need to hang out with last night's social circle more.
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  12. #12
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    Feb 2006
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    Hi Namaste,

    There are some really good comments here from everyone. It's completely understandable that after feeling like you "disappeared" for a bit due to illness and to deal with all your problems, you come back and some things have changed, as well as your feelings, which make you notice that perhaps you feel lonelier that you expected.

    Time away can be good, but also sometimes it can make you feel distant to everyone else or like you said "forgotten" - as if they have had so much going on without you and you haven't (or don't know about it) - when probably nothing much has happened over that time for them, but a lot has for you. Sometimes also, a fresh start could be what you need - have a look at our article on Boosting your social life, which makes a good point on self-esteem (which can be low, especially when dealing with mental health) and how that can affect relationships and socialising;

    A lack of confidence in yourself can sap your social life. It can leave you reluctant to meet new people or confide in people you know because you're worried about how they'll react. The way forward is to identify one thing about yourself that others like and admire, and build on it
    It also seems like this "friend" who isn't responding and then having a go at you, isn't perhaps particularly adding anything positive to your life. As Piccolo said:
    I've focussed on the few fabulous people who did make the effort and rebuilt my life with them.
    As you suggest, sticking to those who you actually enjoy spending time with is a good idea

    Good luck and let us know how you get on
    have hope and faith, things will eventually fade or change

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