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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,555

    Break up - but not really



    I hope some of you relationship gurus may be able to help me out....I don't like giving loads of details out, but hopefully this will be enough.

    About a month ago I broke up (well he did the breaking-up) with my boyfriend of nearly a year. We had a few problems with our relationship - I have problems and he has problems which often just meant that whereas we probably could have got through the bad stuff if it was just one of us, things sometimes got really difficult. When things were good they were really good, I was (I am?) madly in love with him, we had some wonderful times together and I never thought I could feel that way about a person.

    So we had 3 weeks where we didn't see each other after we broke up. We didn't really use the time as a break (I wish we had) because it wasn't a break, he had made it sound permanent after all. After that 3 weeks we decided to "try again". So that was a couple of weeks ago, he came round to mine and we had a lovely day.

    However, the next day he said that it was too much for him right now, he can't cope and this isn't the time to try again - although he still loves me and does want to. I could tell he felt awful, and he kept apologising for hurting me and I just wanted to give him a big hug. Deep down, although it really really hurt, and was such a disappointment, I think I agree with him. I told him this and I think this made him feel better, and I think in some ways it made me feel better that it was more of a mutual decision. Although I'm home from uni at the moment, the plan is to continue seeing each other (because he's pretty much my best friend) and work out how to be friends, whilst the rest of the stuff in our lives (hopefully) gets sorted out.

    Right, but the reality of stuff now. I'm still just so heartbroken Sorry I know how lame it sounds. I can't stop thinking about him and I just miss all the things we did together and wahhhhh. It is really getting me down. I don't want to see my home friends because I'm dreading being asked about him, and I really wish it took up less of my time. I started to read a self-help book today after a supermarket trip with my mum which just triggered endless memories of my time with him. I mean really? But the basis of the book seems to be (should have got it from the title really) it's called a breakup because its broken.

    Hmm I don't know, I just feel a bit in limbo at the moment. One of my friend's said that it's not really fair of him to keep me hanging on like this, but I WANT to be. This guy means the world to me, and in theory if I could get my head round this, I'd happily wait for him. But on the other hand, I have this break up book which is sort of saying cut all contact, your new best friend is yourself, you won't feel any better until you can let go etc etc etc

    I don't really know what I'm asking. I'm really hoping that we meet up in a couple of weeks time, we start working on "being friends" and that makes me feel better about the whole situation. I am really looking forward to working on our friendship and doing stuff together that we enjoyed (as friends) - but then again I don't really know what I'm going to do if I still feel this crap about it. I want to get over him (temporarily) - but still have him in my life.... as don't know whether this is possible.

    Hmmm.
    There's only one way of life
    And that's your own, your own, your own

    One Way - The Levellers

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Waitrose
    Posts
    2,320
    You both need to work out what the problems are and why you cannot work through them together. If you're I'll and he's I'll that's no reason for it not to work. Basically you need him to be honest: is he trying to ditch you to prevent you hurting him, or is he simply too chickenshit to admit that, actually, he doesn't love you any more? If the former try reassuring him, if the latter work out if he feels like that because he's ill or if it's genuine.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Macclesfield
    Posts
    13
    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Roll View Post
    You both need to work out what the problems are and why you cannot work through them together. If you're I'll and he's I'll that's no reason for it not to work. Basically you need him to be honest: is he trying to ditch you to prevent you hurting him, or is he simply too chickenshit to admit that, actually, he doesn't love you any more? If the former try reassuring him, if the latter work out if he feels like that because he's ill or if it's genuine.
    it sounds really tough, but you obviously love the bones of each other.
    People can say huh, its only a year, but its what have you done in that year, you have had great times, maybe if you sat down, both talked about it, cards on the table, you might be able to get it back, them great times, having a real close friend may help also.
    Life is hard, yep I know, but it depends as to what kind of a person you are.
    If your not strong, this will seem really horrible, if your strong and want to pull threw this, if your boyfriend is strong also, you probably will do.
    I'm not trying to give you false hope, but dont give up, try everything together, maybe there will be a light at the end of that dark tunnel of yours ay.

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