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Thread: Such a mess

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    South East
    Posts
    8,104

    Such a mess

    Basically, the one thing I had left (school) that kept me in any sort of structure has been taken away. I've been off for 3 weeks already, with hardly any work to do or anything... I must have fallen so far behind I'm not going to be allowed back after Easter either, they're going to review the situation in the Summer half term. That's another 6 weeks off. In those 6 weeks I might be going to a school for people who are not able to cope in mainstream eduction due to "medical reasons". But I might not get a place. And if I do get a place, it's only for a few hours a week.
    School helped so much, because it meant I actually had to leave the house, I had to wash my hair and get dressed in the morning, I had to look presentable... now I just sit in my room all day, on my own, in the dark. I have no desire to get up or do anything.
    I overdosed the other day, just so I could feel something, my new meds have just turned me into a zombie.
    I just don't know what to do any more, without school I have no structure and no need to get out of bed. I've been told by my psych nurse and the crisis team that next time there's a meeting with school I have to lie to be allowed back in, and they'll lie as well. But then I'm scared, if I do have a problem in school I'm not going to be able to speak to any one... the one thing I was aiming for in life was to get into a college in Brighton, and now that's not going to happen because there's no way I'll get the grades for it.
    If I'm not allowed back to school for year 11 I don't know what I'm going to do
    The headlights from passing cars
    They illuminate my face then leave me the dark
    The voice of Nirvana says, "Come as you are"
    And I will
    My blog

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    3,734
    Quote Originally Posted by Broken-Angel View Post
    In those 6 weeks I might be going to a school for people who are not able to cope in mainstream eduction due to "medical reasons". But I might not get a place. And if I do get a place, it's only for a few hours a week.
    i went to a school just like that, and came out of it with better GCSEs than i probably would have got in mainstream because of the amount of personal attention i got. even if you think you are fine in school and it's the only thing that was going well, your school are probably completely out of their depth and don't know how to best support you. the staff in the new school will be trained to help young people with all kinds of problems, including mental health (if it's anything like mine was, all of the kids will have mental health/emotional problems and there will be one with a broken leg just for good measure). they will be able to give you an education whilst accommodating your difficulties which your mainstream school can't really do, and can help you catch up on the work you have missed. the part time hours can be really helpful when you have medical appointments etc but also consider that you can carry on learning at home and you might be able to extend the hours you spend there after you have settled in. i didn't have any problems at all getting into college after i left. i worked really hard for my grades but i think the safety of the school helped with that because i could be myself and tell the truth when i was having a bad time instead of hiding it.

    i really don't think lying to your school is a good idea. even if you manage to convince them that you are well enough to go back, you can't predict how your health is going to be in the future weeks and months and there will be more pressure on you as you get nearer to your exams. if you really want to be there then it's your choice to fight for it, but don't rule out the possibililty of the other school because you haven't got the right information about it. i really, really didn't want to go but i'm so glad i did. it was a difficult experience but it helped me get to where i needed to be.

    “I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.”

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Devon
    Posts
    191
    Hi Broken-Angel

    Sorry things seem so tough for you at the moment. It can't be an easy place to be.

    I know you've been off school and worried you might be far behind. Have you been in contact with them to see if there is any work you could be doing whilst your off. That in itself would show them how committed you are?

    You talked about overdosing the other day. Have you spoken to anyone about this? Even at this stage, speaking to someone at NHS direct might be advisable just to be certain. There number is below...

    08454647 (https://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/About/ContactUs.aspx)

    Regarding lying about your situation to the school sounds like dodgy ground to me. Regarding health etc it's always best to be upfront and honest as this is how you can get the right help/advice. It might be worthwhile discussing this again with your psychiatric nurse and the crisis team, or asking them to clarify what they meant.

    About the possibility of a new school, have you researched this at all yourself. Do you know academically what they might be able to offer you and what help and support you would be given. Change can be scary at times but its not always a bad thing.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how everything goes for you.

    Remember we are always here if you need someone to offload on to.

    Phil
    Last edited by phil01; 29-03-2012 at 08:11 PM.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    1,693
    Is there a particular reason why your school isn't giving you much work while you're off? Is it because they don't think you're up to it or because they're not very organised? If it's the latter, is there any way your friends could try and keep you updated and let you know what they're doing so you could try and keep up? Or your parents could go and collect some work from school for you? Obviously not the same as being at schiool but it sounds as though it might actually help you if you had work you could do at home and deadlines to meet and would give you a reason to get up if you knew you had something to work towards.
    You got to keep in the game
    Retaining mystique while facing forward
    I suggest a reading of a Lesson in Tightropes
    Or surfing Your High Hopes or adios Kansas

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    South East
    Posts
    8,104
    Thanks for the replies guys It looks like I haven't even got a place in this new school, because my school haven't contacted my mum at all about what's happening and they said they would. They also haven't responded to my mental health nurse or the crisis team I was supposed to be starting after easter but that looks like it isn't happening now.
    The headlights from passing cars
    They illuminate my face then leave me the dark
    The voice of Nirvana says, "Come as you are"
    And I will
    My blog

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Yorkshire
    Posts
    455
    Hi Broken-Angel, I miss you.

    Maybe there is still a chance of you getting into the new school, there is still one more week of holidays (if your holidays are the same as mine) for them to sort things out.
    I personally feel that you should take the initiative and make some calls, even though you probably dont feel up to doing it, you have the same rights as any of the other students at your previous school who dont have problems with their mental health. Its a very important couple of years for you in your school education and I know you care about your GCSE's and your future. If you put this across to whoever is in charge of all this business i'm sure they will try and make the swiftest arrangements for you.

    Hang in there please, i'm here for you even if you feel that nobody else is.
    and if anyone else were to kiss me all they would taste is your name

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    South East
    Posts
    8,104
    My mums tried phoning them, we don't even know what the new schools called so we can't get in touch with them. The crisis team are coming over on Tuesday so I'll speak to them but I doubt they'll know anything more... considering just giving up on education and becoming a crazy cat woman who lives in a bin.
    The headlights from passing cars
    They illuminate my face then leave me the dark
    The voice of Nirvana says, "Come as you are"
    And I will
    My blog

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Yorkshire
    Posts
    455
    Worst comes to worst, you come live with me and i'll pay for our trips to Benidorm and of course our motorised scooters.
    And my lion. Aslan. I need my lion.

    Chin up hunnie. Make sure you thouroughly talk to the crisis team about what you want doing and let us know how it goes. x
    and if anyone else were to kiss me all they would taste is your name

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