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Thread: Scared

  1. #1
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    Jul 2006
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    Scared

    Ok now before anyone gives me grief because mothers have it worse, how many of those out there when expecting their first child;

    1.) We are such proud parents before the birth
    2.) Immensely looking forward to the birth
    3.) Were also shit scared beyond belief.

    I've coped in some pretty hair raising conditions thus far in my life and I'm also reading anything and everything I can find to do with pregnancy. Whilst I understand that most advice is aimed at the generic average baby, and that I feel that so far I'm prepared enough as I can be (not that you can ever be prepared enough), I'm also having this god awful feeling of panic beyond belief and shitting bricks, and I've still got till June to go.

    Anytime I need or want to go to an appointment with the other half, work have let me cut away and go. I have time off for paternity leave and excess holiday that I can take, however I won't be there as much as your "average" new father could be, even if I do pop up every weekend.

    It's begining to get to me even though due date is in June, it's a combination of am I going to be good enough, is baby going to love daddy as much as daddy already loves him/her, is looking after a child and the sleepless nights going to break me where exercise and combat hasn't (yet).

    Etc etc I could go on for ever, I know the fact that its hard is going to make it all the more worth while, just meh
    Last edited by G-Raffe; 15-01-2011 at 12:57 PM.

  2. #2
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    Not only is it normal to be scared, I reckon it's a good sign. When people aren't at least a bit scared I wonder if they've really thought through the enormity of what they're about to do and how much their life will change. I still shit myself every minute of every day that some small, thoughtless action or inadequacy on my part will ruin this tiny life that I've created.

    It's the hardest thing I've ever done, by absolutely miles. But it is also the best.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaff View Post
    Not only is it normal to be scared, I reckon it's a good sign. When people aren't at least a bit scared I wonder if they've really thought through the enormity of what they're about to do and how much their life will change. I still shit myself every minute of every day that some small, thoughtless action or inadequacy on my part will ruin this tiny life that I've created.

    It's the hardest thing I've ever done, by absolutely miles. But it is also the best.

  4. #4
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    it sounds bizarre, but I'm glad that you're scared. If you're scared you a) understand the implications and b) really care about your partner and baby.

    It is scary, it is absolutely terrifying. There's the birth to get through first; much as we all know how safe childbirth is these days, things do go wrong, will baby get through OK, will mother get through OK? I thought everything would be fine, and it was, but I always had the old literary cliche of mum dying in childbirth wedged somewhere in the back of my mind. Even if things are OK, will I be supportive enough in the birthing room, or will I be one of those people off One Born Every Minute that Mumsnetters cluck about?

    If you haven't got it already, I'd really recommend that you go and buy the Haynes manual for babies. It is a wonderful book, it explains pregnancy, birthing and baby-raising in terms that us dads can understand; there's even diagrams on how to change a nappy or swaddle a baby. My mum bought it for me for Christmas and it was the best present I got last year thumb:
    Can you hold me like you held someone you shouldn't have let go?
    Can you keep me deep inside like the regrets that burned a hole?
    Can you love me like you loved someone you loved so long ago?

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Roll View Post
    it sounds bizarre, but I'm glad that you're scared. If you're scared you a) understand the implications and b) really care about your partner and baby.

    It is scary, it is absolutely terrifying. There's the birth to get through first; much as we all know how safe childbirth is these days, things do go wrong, will baby get through OK, will mother get through OK? I thought everything would be fine, and it was, but I always had the old literary cliche of mum dying in childbirth wedged somewhere in the back of my mind. Even if things are OK, will I be supportive enough in the birthing room, or will I be one of those people off One Born Every Minute that Mumsnetters cluck about?

    If you haven't got it already, I'd really recommend that you go and buy the Haynes manual for babies. It is a wonderful book, it explains pregnancy, birthing and baby-raising in terms that us dads can understand; there's even diagrams on how to change a nappy or swaddle a baby. My mum bought it for me for Christmas and it was the best present I got last year thumb:
    I'm looking on amazon as we speak!

  6. #6
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    awww, it sounds like youre going to be a really lovely daddy!! <3

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuzyCreamcheese View Post
    awww, it sounds like youre going to be a really lovely daddy!! <3
    I certainly hope I will be.

  8. #8
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    Congratulations!

    In my time working in childcare, I've seen all sorts of parents. Some are intensely paranoid and micromanaging, some just ditch the kids and run, some are grandparents, single mums, single dads, some look ready to throttle their kids, or cry, or both. Some work full time, or some not at all, and some don't get to see their kids very often.

    I think at one time or another every parent will be most of the above, but I'll tell you one thing. None of the above matters. The kids that are happiest belong to the parents that don't just go through the motions, but are those that really see these little people for the unique beings they are.

    Kids won't remember the time that time that Daddy forgot to bring the special blanket with them on holiday, or the time Mummy shouted because they were so badly behaved, but they sure as hell will remember the bedtime stories Daddy used to tell, how Mummy made teddy do a dance. Those little memories that are only made when a parent doesn't just love their child, but is in love, and look, well, a lot like Kaff. I know, because I hear about it every day from the horses mouth. You have nothing to worry about G. You're going to be fine
    Never say no to a HUG

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evenstar View Post
    Congratulations!

    In my time working in childcare, I've seen all sorts of parents. Some are intensely paranoid and micromanaging, some just ditch the kids and run, some are grandparents, single mums, single dads, some look ready to throttle their kids, or cry, or both. Some work full time, or some not at all, and some don't get to see their kids very often.

    I think at one time or another every parent will be most of the above, but I'll tell you one thing. None of the above matters. The kids that are happiest belong to the parents that don't just go through the motions, but are those that really see these little people for the unique beings they are.

    Kids won't remember the time that time that Daddy forgot to bring the special blanket with them on holiday, or the time Mummy shouted because they were so badly behaved, but they sure as hell will remember the bedtime stories Daddy used to tell, how Mummy made teddy do a dance. Those little memories that are only made when a parent doesn't just love their child, but is in love, and look, well, a lot like Kaff. I know, because I hear about it every day from the horses mouth. You have nothing to worry about G. You're going to be fine

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arctic Roll View Post
    it sounds bizarre, but I'm glad that you're scared. If you're scared you a) understand the implications and b) really care about your partner and baby.
    ^^^ This.

    What you feel G, is a perfectly normal healthy response. Becoming a parent is terrifying because you know that someone else is going to be completely dependant on you for the next few years. That feeling doesn't change after the first child either, you just feel a little more prepared for each subsequent birth.

    As I said in the other thread, people have been raising children for a millenia. Every parent has made mistakes, you will be no different. But they key is too house them, feed them and not abuse them. Do that and you have made a great start.

    There will be times when you would cheerfully strangle the little bastard but those are far outweighed by the good things.

    Trust me, the first cuddle you have will make the world a better place for you, for the rest of your life.
    Did you ever go to a place - I think it was called Norway?
    That was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges...

  11. #11
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    Yeah, tis good to be scared. But it's a good scared
    We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
    - Martin Luther King

    me

    pretty in purple

  12. #12
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    I guess a lot of it for me is feeling massively guilty. No matter how much my other half tells me she wont feel any bad feelings towards me, unless I get posted further up north, then im not going to see my young one unless its leave periods or at weekends.

    I'm looking at buying a house up north, and we all going to live as a family (when im there). The worry I have is that kid will grow up and remember that dad was hardly ever there. At the moment and in the current financial climate, until I have done some courses and other bits and bobs in my own time, I dont think I could get any job approaching what I earn now.

    Its all the kid related scared of being a parent things, and the having to deal with being the bigger person and putting my emotional pain behind me and earning money for the family.

    I'm sure it will all get much harder when said kid arrives, but easier in the sense that I can actually attempt to deal with a situation rather than hypotheticals.

  13. #13
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    Ah, guilt. I recognise that emotion only too well.

    Do I spend enough time with them, do I read enough stories, am I too hard on them when they do wrong, am I too soft on them when they do wrong... etc etc etc

    You do what you can to make their lives as comfortable as possible, to provide for them. Sometimes that means less time at home than you would want.

    You will always question yourself and your actions.
    Did you ever go to a place - I think it was called Norway?
    That was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges...

  14. #14
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    At least I know I'm not just imagining it all in this crazy head of mine.

  15. #15
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    Oh, I didn't say that
    Did you ever go to a place - I think it was called Norway?
    That was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges...

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