The last week I've been feeling really blah. I've been feeling unwell and been off work for 3 days (and I had a day holiday booked as well) but the thing is I don't think I'm really sick at all and my mind is just making me feel like it is.
I suffered with depression on and off from the age of 12 till about March last year. It varied from staying in my bedroom for 2 weeks straight to a bit of self abusive behaviour through drink and drugs but in the end I thought I had it sussed and for the last year or so my life has been really good and I've felt fulfilled.
I've got a good full-time job that I've been at for a year, I've got an amazing boyfriend who's away on holiday at the moment, money is tight but I've got money to spend but the last week I feel like I've been lapsing back into old habits.
I felt ok yesterday and was all ready to go back to work this morning but ended up having a horrendous night's sleep with an earache and was sick a couple of times. I only got about an hour's sleep. Called in sick and then as soon as I did that I felt fine again and have just spent all day doing bugger all and feeling bored.
I sort of enjoy my job and I sort of don't. I'm good at what I do but I'm constantly chasing targets and because I've proved myself I've been given a load of extra responsibilities and have been told I'm in line for a promotion when I pass my driving test. But a lot of the time I dread going in because no matter how hard I work it all amounts to bugger all in the end. I've spoken to my managers about getting stressed and they've pretty much said, suck it up and leave any stress at work.
I WILL go back to work tomorrow, but I feel guilty that I've been off sick and I don't think I'm actually sick.
Is it normal to get these short spans of feeling down after long-term depression? I'm used to the full on, won't come out of my room for a month at a time depression but this seems a lot milder but at the same time I feel crappy.
I'm just a bit worried that it might be the start of a downward spiral again.
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08-03-2010 06:15 PM #1
Feeling down in the dumps and I don't know why!
08-03-2010 08:54 PM #2
I think it's natural for people to get run down and worn out. It's also worth bearing in mind that people have different personalities - some people are pretty much straight down the line, always feel emotional just about the same unless something happens to change that. Other people are more up and down and sometimes just go through periods where things seem more difficult or stress can be harder to shake off.
Having been through a long period of depression it's probably going to be difficult to avoid feeling that it is the start of something worse - but it really doesn't have to be, it can just be feeling crappy or stressed.
There's an online CBT based course - Mood Gym - that I know some people have found really useful to help balance out dips in mood. It might be worth taking a look at.
There's also the old 'fishtank' view of emotional health and stress. That's the idea that sometimes even something really big can be easy to shake off because it's all you're dealing with - on the other hand if you've got lots of things stressing you out at once then even little things can seem a bit overwhelming or start to make you feel crappy... the 'fishtank' is overflowing. Err... chessy as hell, but it's a useful visualisation.
So maybe it would be worth thinking about everything that's adding stress or bringing you down. Even if you can't change the work situation you might find some small things you could change that may not seem that big, but they could give you some space to help deal with the bigger issues.
Anyway, I hope that might help a little, main thing was just to point out that, yeah, for many people it is normal to feel a bit crap at timesCellar Door
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08-03-2010 08:58 PM #3There's also the old 'fishtank' view of emotional health and stress. That's the idea that sometimes even something really big can be easy to shake off because it's all you're dealing with - on the other hand if you've got lots of things stressing you out at once then even little things can seem a bit overwhelming or start to make you feel crappy... the 'fishtank' is overflowing. Err... chessy as hell, but it's a useful visualisation.and if anyone else were to kiss me all they would taste is your name
08-03-2010 11:38 PM #4
Thanks so much for the advice. I've sat down tonight and done some list making, I sorted out a list of things I would like to do this year (pass my driving test, go on holiday etc) and good stuff in my life.
I think maybe the reason I'm having a bit of a bluesy week is that it's the first time I've spent on my own for quite a while (my dad's at his girlfriend's all the time and my boyfriend is on holiday, mates are all busy) and it's given me too much time to stress over crap.
Thanks so much guys Xxx