Hide this page

Local Advice Finder

Find local services

Closed Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    bottom of the garden
    Posts
    796

    Death of my best friend - sympathy card to the family

    My best friend died last Friday, she was only 27 and the cause of death is unknown as the inquest is still ongoing She was fit and well and there was no mention of an accident or anything. I get the idea that the family would like to keep themselves to themselves at the moment understandably.

    I'm devastated to say the least but I have a sympathy card that I would like to send to her family before the funeral next week. I want to write a few words to make it more personal but I'm stuck as where to start as it's all so raw at the moment. Although we had been best friends since we were 17 I have only met her family on a handful of occasions as she always lived away from home. I really don't know what to say - I'd like to say how sorry I am for their loss, what a wonderful friend she was, how much I will miss her and how life won't be the same again but could someone help me word it nicely? I've been staring at the card for ages but I can't even pick up the pen to write for fear of maybe being too emotional.

    Thanks
    Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

    www.faceparty.com/jooly

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    europe
    Posts
    24,861
    im so sorry to hear about your best friend Jooly. What a terrible loss.
    I wish I knew whatyou could write in the card, but im rubbish at that sort of thing. As long as it comes from the heart, I really wouldnt worry about it being too emotional. As long as its heartfelt, then thats all that matters.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    1,132
    Jooly- thats terrible. I'm so so sorry. It doesn't matter what you write to your friends family. I'm sure that at a time like this, knowing that their daughter had a friend like you who obviously cared immensely about her will be comforting. Just let them know how you felt about her, that you're sorry for their loss and that your thoughts are with them. *hugs*

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Never Neverland
    Posts
    4,402
    When my best friends sister died - we (there is a very close group of 6 of us) all thought long and hard and just couldn't think what to write to her family - so in the end we made a card - each person doing a different bit - and just wrote on the bottom of it "With All Our Love" and then signed it. Because there really wasn't anything else to say.

    However we did all know the family very well and maybe it was a little different. But if your too upset now to write everything you feel - then don't do it yet - the chances are that her family will be far to upset to read it at the moment as well. Instead maybe just send them a sympathy card and then follow it up with a letter later. That way you have more time to work out exactly what you want to say. Plus they will probably recieve loads of cards etc at the moment but a letter from you in a few weeks/ months time will be of even more comfort.

    Massive massive hugs though you must be really upset.
    DrPirate is technically my little brother apparently - even though hes like a bazillion foot taller than me (OK 6 inches)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Eastender
    Posts
    8,808
    Hi Jooly,
    I'm really sorry to hear this, what utterly devastating news.

    I think it's really lovely that you are planning on sending your friend's parents a card with more than just a brief sympathy note.

    What you've said in your post
    I'd like to say how sorry I am for their loss, what a wonderful friend she was, how much I will miss her and how life won't be the same again
    Already says a lot - and is exactly the kind of thing her parents would probably like to hear from her daughters close friends (although as Wyetry says, theres no rush) I think the wording you have is already put 'nicely' but what makes things like that really special is the specific detail, and mention of qualities that were unique to your friend - as Suzy says keeping it 'heartfelt' Perhaps you could write a rough draft with all the memories you'd like to include and then craft it into a letter when you're happy with the content.

    When I have known people lose a family member at a young age, the thing I have heard time and time again is that it really means a lot to hear things about their special persons lives they might not have known about -I think it can be both an overwhelming and inspiring experience.

    Big *hugs* to you. I'm sure she will be proud of you.
    Last edited by **helen**; 19-04-2007 at 11:46 AM.
    Become a fan of TheSite.org on facebook

    "I love standing on a crowded platform in a tube station and feeling like I'm insignificant in all of this. All these people and lives I have no idea about. Gives me a sense of better perspective."

    clementine_the_tangerine

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Midlands
    Posts
    4,191
    Quote Originally Posted by Joolyknockers View Post
    could someone help me word it nicely?
    it would be a lot better coming from you imo not some random stranger on a discussion board. sorry about your loss, you must be devastated. *hugs*
    Good judgement comes from experience.
    Experience comes from bad judgement.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    bottom of the garden
    Posts
    796
    Thanks for your help everyone, I really appreciate it. I like the idea of sending a card with a couple of lines in it now just to let them know I am thinking of them, but maybe leaving it until after the funeral to write a proper letter to her mum. I think I will be able to gather my thoughts properly then - everythings a bit of a mess in my poor brain at the moment.

    I've just had an email from another friend of hers asking for photos, a booklet of photos is going to be compiled and given out at the funeral which I think is lovely.
    Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

    www.faceparty.com/jooly

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Sussex, UK
    Posts
    561
    I'm so sorry Jooly... *hugs*

    Quote Originally Posted by **Helen** View Post
    When I have known people lose a family member at a young age, the thing I have heard time and time again is that it really means a lot to hear things about their special persons lives they might not have known about -I think it can be both an overwhelming and inspiring experience.
    When the time came for my Dad's funeral, in an odd way I was looking forward to it. I was looking forward to meeting all these people who were a part of my Dad's life who I didn't know. I wanted to take the oppurtunity to learn all about him from people that had seen him grow up... see him from other people's perspectives and learn from them...

    My suggestion would be to send a sympathy card for now with perhaps a note to say a letter will follow - maybe include a contact number in case they would like to get hold of you themselves.

    When the inquest and funeral are over, when you can clear your head and think, that would be the best time to write your feelings down. As Wyetry said, the family will be receiving so many cards at the moment that although they would no doubt appreciate it, they would probably not give the time to really understand what you are saying.

    Teach them about their daughter, show them the friendship she gave you and the experiences you shared. Show them a side of her that they wouldn't have known about... a letter like that will stay in their hearts forever.

    Good luck
    x

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    bottom of the garden
    Posts
    796
    Quote Originally Posted by otter View Post
    it would be a lot better coming from you imo not some random stranger on a discussion board. sorry about your loss, you must be devastated. *hugs*

    I know - wasn't looking for someone to write it word for word for me, just help me get what I want to say into some kind of order so that it provides some comfort to the family rather than just me spouting about my own grief.

    I'm just going to pop a couple of lines inside the card and add my contact details. I'm going to send a proper letter to her mum in a couple of weeks time once it has sunk in - like everyone has said I'm sure she would liked to have known about our friendship and the times we shared together - I could write a book about them
    Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

    www.faceparty.com/jooly

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Show site map

TheSite.org is delivered by YouthNet UK. Registered charity number: 1048995