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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    Sigh... I'm a fucking idiot

    So I have to get this off my chest and I need advice because I feel so let down, so lonely, so shitty after it. Yet again, I've been nice and royally fucked over... Just when I'd learned to trust people again (if anybody remembers, I was fucked around by people before uni).

    Basically the story starts last year when I was asked to go to Nepal, the majority of the money for the fights was raised, but because I was asked late then I was told that if I could find the money for my flight, I could go. I'm lucky because I have a few grand savings that was left to me by a relative who passed away and whch I am using when I'm desperate to help me through uni...

    I gave X the money upfront (Over £500), who was going to buy the ticket of Y's mother's credit card to get my flight.... And so we went to Nepal and things went shit for X. I always stuck up for him but in reptrospect I was just being nice, I never realised what a two faced glory-seeking sad little man he really is.

    Around a week or so after I returned he phoned me almost in tears, saying he's been a bastard and needs the same amount of money for the ticket again because Y needs it back on their credit card as they have to go abroad to see family. X claimed to have given his family the money I originally gave him because they were really hard up or something... He didn't explain. So I gave it to him and he said he'd pay it back.

    So... My flight was supposed to come out of the money the charity would raise next and the second half of the money will come from him.

    Needless to say he hasn't even set uo a charity meeting yet, he hasn't bothered and got angry at me for trying to set one up saying he wants it done his way (n.b. wait until the end of the the story if you think I wanted to get the charity back on its feet for selfish reasons, I didn't realise his family's real status), but I really wanted to get more people to Nepal to experience what I had done. Since August he hasn't bothered with anything and has lied to me several times, promised me this and that... Basically let me down on A LOT of things (including an event I set up he was supposed to help with).

    So... I was very upset and told one of the only people I trust my problem and found out X's family are off to Mexico this year.

    Isn't Mexico a really expensive holiday?

    So I confronted X, who hadn't really given me any info and told me his Dad was on the dole and they were keeping his wages as a lump sum payment so they could start a business. So he embezzled MY money for his family and didn't tell them it was from me.
    He says they aren't going abroad until later this year and haven't got to pay for a long time so I should mind my own fucking business.

    He's also appologised and said he did take advantage of me, he says he's trying to earn more money for me, looking for a second job, has opened a new bank account to put the money in (which I don't believe is possible). But now somebody else is after him for £200 his owes from a band night.

    Basically I've been screwed over by somebody who thought was my best mate and I don't know what to do. My savings aren't lasting as long as I thought and I really want that money backso I don't have to work a year or two in a shit factory job to be able to afford a Masters.

    I'm just royally pissed off... I feel so unhappy about it. I can't talk to people because he made me promise not to tell anyone. I feel really lonely. Even other people have said I seem down. I can't even tell my Mum because I am so ashamed of being an idiot.

    I know I probably deserved what has happened to me, I shouldn't have started to trust people again.
    Last edited by Namaste; 25-01-2007 at 01:21 PM.
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  2. #2
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    i really think you should tell your mum. you have nothing to be ashamed of, you just trusted a friend and tried to do the right thing. your mum will be able to help/support you which is obviously what you need when you're so upset.

    also.. it is possible to open another bank account.

  3. #3
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    New York City
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    you can open enough bank accounts as there are banks.

    Anyway I agree, you shouldnt be ashamed. It was not your fault this happened and you shouldnt let his actions or the others who hurt you effect your life in some a deterimental way. I am sure your mom has enough experience with life to know that things like that happen and that some people we trust might go wierd on us. One day you'll find some great friends though for life

  4. #4
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    Dec 2005
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    Oh MoonRat, that is utter utter shite... All I have to say is that you're entitled to talking about this to anyone you please, after what he did to you he has ABSOLUTELY NO CLAIM as to who you can and cannot tell. If you feel like venting to a friend or whomever you want do it, don't let his wishes on this stop you.

    And you aren't an idiot MoonRat, you only have a generous heart.
    "A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge."
    "If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music."


    -Thomas Carlyle

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by -[MoonRat]- View Post
    I really want that money backso I don't have to work a year or two in a shit factory job to be able to afford a Masters.
    Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself: how were you supposed to know that he was going to be such a tosser?

    I'm sure you'll get your money back in the end, but I just wanted to point out about the masters, although funding is tricky (unless you want to go onto a PhD and can apply for a ESRC 1+3 grant), you could get a Career Development Loan, which covers 80% of course fees plus some money for living expenses if it's full time. OR going part time with Birkbeck is another option...you'll do it somehow
    before there was rock you only had God...

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
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    Really sorry to hear about that Moonrat - needless to say I'd avoid even considering lending him anything more (I'd a bit concerned about the £200 reference around a band). It seems he's been taking the piss and will continue to try and do so.

    As other's have said - much as you may feel like an idiot now, you're not, and hindsight always seems 20/20 - you've been exploited and treated badly, by someone who is continuing to make excuses and lie. Everyone can be taken in - and I'd imagine your friends and family will be supportive, not judgemental.

    Obviously lending friends money means you may not have a lot of options in trying to recover it - but it's the kind of question askTheSite can answer without you needing to worry about anyone else ever hearing about the situation. I can't promise it'll be good news, but it will answer any legal questions you might have.

    Given how serious this situation is, have you consider, with hopefully some support from others, contacting his family directly. You may find that he's been as explotative with others, and them, as well as you.

    If he is saying he wants to pay the money back, then consider drawing up a full document to outline what he is promising detailing -

    *start date of repayments
    * amount to be repaid
    * any interest
    * total cost

    and get him, you, and at least one witness to sign it.

    But, fundamentally, I'd imagine the betrayal is one of the worst things you're facing here. So do talk to friends about it - and if you can't mention the amount of money involved for feeling silly, then why not consider just saying 'some money' without having to disclose how much. That way you can hopefully get some of the support for the way being treated like this has made you feel.

    I know it can be hard to ask for support, especially if it feels you've been treated badly all over again, but it can help you, and this isn't something you should ever feel you need to keep private - enless you really want to.
    Cellar Door

    You thought it was gold, but it was bronze

    'I ain't gonna study war... no more'

  7. #7
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    Oh and I did a part-time masters at Birkbeck whilst working full time - worked out great (and I'm sure there are alternatives to Birkbeck) - and meant not having even more debt on top of the cost of my degree.
    Cellar Door

    You thought it was gold, but it was bronze

    'I ain't gonna study war... no more'

  8. #8
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    The £200 was for lighting tech...

    And yeah, the biggest hurt is the betrayal.

    What's Birkbeck?
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  9. #9
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    Just looked up Birkbeck... It has courses in my field... Looks alright like
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  10. #10
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    ShyBoy is offline Born on Earth, raised on TheSite.org
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    Massive sympathy for you moonrat you know I think you're an amazingly generous and kind person, and it's awful that so much shit has to happen to the nice guys! As Jim said, get something in writing, and don't feel embarressed about telling people. It's his fault, not yours. Give him an ultimate time to give you a significant amount - even if he has to hollow out his overdraft, you shouldn't be emptying your savings.

    Best of luck really, I know people who you think are your friends can be awkward with cash but he's exploited you in the name of charity. I'm not sure if it's just an excuse really that his family were hard up... imagine if you had gone on a night out and spent someones cash - you'd probably be too embarresed to tell them the truth. From having a history of having an emotionally manipulative person close by in my life, it does make you feel like an idiot and also, that you're in the wrong somehow (sometimes). Just remember it's your money and he's done something with it, you have a right to know what.

    Best of luck, I really feel for you
    Richard xx
    Be happy, accept those you care for, and live your life in a manner true to yourself, those you care for, and the values you hold dear to your heart.
    -- Click To See More

  11. #11
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    Jul 2001
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    Hey, Sorry about that! Hope your not feeling too bad. You will have to go on a crazy night out and I am sure you will feel a bit better after

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
    Hey, Sorry about that! Hope your not feeling too bad. You will have to go on a crazy night out and I am sure you will feel a bit better after
    Yeah, I need a night out... Preferrably with people who won't let me down, say they're going and not turn up ect.
    Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

  13. #13
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    I am sorry about the money thing with your so called friend, I dont think you are an idiot, you come across as a very caring and considerate person. Perhaps sometimes people take advantage of your nice nature. I hope you get it sorted out anyway xx

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