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  • Hi all, thanks for your replies.

    Im not the type of person to ever hurt anyone else except myself - lets just get that straight.
    Dont know why i am having these thoughts, they are distressing to me. I have decided not to tell anyone, but will if it carries on. This person is wayyy older than me. I have just briefly spoken to my support worker about my relapse with binge eating...
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  • KaydenK
    started a topic Having thoughts of hurting someone..

    Having thoughts of hurting someone..

    Hello dont be alarmed. Ive been having thoughts tonight and the voice has been encouraging me to hurt someone, hurt someone who really deserves it. I am hesitant to discuss this with my workers as i dont know if they or the cmht have an obligation to inform the person i am having thoughts of hurting. I most very likely wont, they are just thoughts and encouragement from the voice. Thanks.
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  • KaydenK
    replied to Some GOOD news!!
    Thanks you all for your comments!! Although ive had a bad night. I havent purged in about 4 months. Tonight i broke that. I was on a high after all the good news i had, the normal high things happened, thinking about college, volunteering, joining animal rights groups, thought i was on top of the world!! Then i started drinking alcohol and binge eating, i kept on eating and eating until i found myself...
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  • KaydenK
    started a topic Some GOOD news!!

    Some GOOD news!!

    Ahhh i am so happy, not only do i get to move to a more permanent place soon but my support worker just phoned the community mental health team and they have said that they WILL care manage me, i will be allocated a care co-ordinater soon! I will finally get the support i need!!
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  • KaydenK
    replied to My recent decisions..
    No they didnt mention any services. I keep thinking the abuse was my fault. My mum would make sure i texted him. Went mad with me when i didnt so in the end i texted him whatever he wanted to hear to keep my mum happy. Is this my fault?
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  • KaydenK
    replied to My recent decisions..
    Nope never been offered it at all. On a waiting list for a private counsellor. But only have to pay 5 each session as im on benefits so its alright. Been waiting for specialist counselling for the sexual abuse i went through since october last year..
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  • KaydenK
    replied to My recent decisions..
    Its normal these days though isnt it. To be left on your own by services. Ive had a look at things related to bpd but there isnt a service in my city. My city is shit when it comes to the mental health services. I have never had any therapy or been offered therapy by the NHS. Just medication
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  • KaydenK
    replied to Drinking out of control
    Hi Drea,

    Thanks for those kind words. Thank you for the links too i will have a look. I just need alcohol to forget and feel numb again. Soo many worries. So many things going on. Not been on my anti psychotic meds. Loaing the plot. Alcohol takes it away.
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  • KaydenK
    replied to My recent decisions..
    I live in wales, down here its mon-fri before 5pm contact the cmht. If on weekends or after 5pm you contact the crisis team. They just wouldnt come out to me. I wasnt wasting bus fare for a 10 min chat. Yes they do seem the sort, they are always like it.
    Im not with any other service, i didnt even know there was a borderline personality disorder service. Nope, they have left me on my own. And...
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  • KaydenK
    replied to My recent decisions..
    Hey Shaunie,

    The crisis team have put in a request with the cmht to see if they will care manage me.. get this.. im on anti-psychotics but a normal gp cannot increase or change the meds, a psychiatrist would need to but they wouldnt care manage me in the past so my meds couldnt be increased. Makes sense doesnt it??

    I tried to talk to them after my outburst but they didnt...
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  • KaydenK
    replied to My recent decisions..
    So i really messed up today.. crisis team phoned me and said they wanted to meet me today at 2, i refused as the dissociation scared me on the weekend so i wont leave the house but i didnt tell them this. Then they were like "well how do we move forward, do you even want input from the crisis team" i said yes but i cant leave the house then she was like "do you want input from the crisis...
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  • KaydenK
    replied to Drinking out of control
    Hi everyone sorry i havent posted in a while.. my drinking is out of control, i drink 5 cans everynight and its increasing. I tried not to drink but i just cant stop thinking about it. My support workers dont know. I just feel nice and numb when i drink, it takes things away.. but i can see im getting too used to it.
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  • KaydenK
    replied to My recent decisions..
    Hi all thank you for your replies. Only now getting back to you as ive spent all weekend in bed and sleeping.. i dont like going out anymore, everytime im walking i feel like im not in my body and what happened the other day is going to happen again. I only go out to the shop to get alcohol, other than that i stay indoors. I dont want to tell my support worker as i know how mental it sounds, i dont...
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  • KaydenK
    started a topic My recent decisions..

    My recent decisions..

    Hello,

    As most of you know i have had a difficult time lately.. i did something stupid which has only left me in a lot of physical pain the last few days. I just wanted to take a minute to apologise to the members of themix and themix staff. I know i have been a handful lately. This is probably due to me not having my anti-psychotic meds for almost a week, you would probably think i...
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  • KaydenK
    replied to Last night.. :(
    Shaunie you are right a part of me doesnt but it seems like its my only option. Cant take it anymore
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  • KaydenK
    replied to Last night.. :(
    Just heard back.. isnt it funny when a psychologist who is also on call contacts the crisis team they actually do something instead of palming me off with "try sleep, try distract yourself".. crisis team said they are going to have a meeting tomorrow morning and discuss what they are going to do with my case then, and try and push for me to see a psychiatrist. Unless this on call worker...
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  • KaydenK
    replied to Last night.. :(
    Thanks all. Well.. i decided to take the bull by the horns. Spoke to the on call worker which turns out she is also a trained psychologist. She spoke to me about what was going on with the crisis team etc and said that the way they have treated me is wrong.. she said i need to be care managed and offered therapy. So she just phoned the crisis team and told them that i need to be care managed and told...
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  • KaydenK
    replied to Last night.. :(
    Well, just got home. The crisis team didnt really talk about my plans, all they said about the plans were ring us if you need us.
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    Last edited by The Mix; 14-03-2017, 05:37 PM. Reason: Removed some detail

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  • KaydenK
    replied to Last night.. :(
    Hi Drea,

    Heads all over the place. Down seeing the crisis team. Waiting for them to finish an appointment. Have my running shoes on incase they try to section me. Not having that on my record again.
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  • The crisis team phoned and i totally snapped on the phone to them. Told them how their useless service is, told them how ive been trying to talk to them about my voices and the medication isnt working but they wont listen, told them to stop shoving an activity centre down my throat when it isnt going to make everything perfect, told them how useless to me they were on the weekend. She said she wants...
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KaydenK
KaydenK
The Mix convert
Last activity: 23-03-2017, 01:21 PM
Joined: 23-01-2014
Location: UK

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