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Post of The Month (July)

Aidan is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Lucie,

You say you're still on medication and have had lots of therapy? Maybe it's a matter of revisiting old coping techniques and anything else like that, that therapy taught you?

And Drea is absolutely right! Even someone with everything material that they could ever want isn't insusceptible to mental illness. Any sex, race, age, class; it doesn't discriminate...
"
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Intimacy issues

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  • Intimacy issues

    I'm 21 and still haven't hadone sex. It's something I am very self conscious of and embarrassed about but anytime I get close enough people always just run away.

    They don't give me a chance to tell the full story. I suffer with anxiety and it especially flairs up in intimate situations and I always talk myself out of it and avoid meeting people out of embarrament.

    I don't know what to do

  • #2
    Hi Cookieshan, thanks for your post!

    Having not had sex is nothing to be ashamed about - at any age! It's common to be nervous around sex, even for experienced people.

    It can be very frustrating to be let down by anxiety during social encounters.and intimate situations. It often helps to give a partner notice about anything you may be nervous about (and vice versa) so you are both aware of what to expect. Sex should be a fun/pleasurable experience and you shouldn't be pressured into it by anyone - that includes peer pressure

    How are you with non=intimate social encounters?

    Kaze

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    • #3
      I second Kaze, it's nothing to be embarrassed about! And don't feel pressured into it cause it's the 'norm', cause it isn't.. there is no age someone should have sex by, it should just come naturally with someone you care about, and they care about you. Be honest about your anxiety about it, cause loads of people have anxiety around intimacy
      mosaics are made from broken pieces but they’re still works of art, and so are you.

      It's stormy now, but the suns gonna shine again, even the worst storms gotta end.

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      • #4
        Hi Cookieshan,

        The two posters above me are right, never feel ashamed because you haven't had sex. A lot more people than you might think haven't had sex at 21 (or older).

        It's frustrating when anxiety stops you from meeting people. Have you spoken to anyone about your anxiety? It often helps to speak to a professional.

        Perhaps taking things slow with someone might help, instead of thinking about how you might sleep with them one day in the future, think about what you might do with them tomorrow, think about the next date you might take them on and so on and slowly build yourself up to going further when you're both ready.

        Lals x

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        • #5
          Hi Cookieshan,

          Thanks for writing in, even just from this thread it looks like plenty of people can relate to your situation! No one is an expert at relationships, and it’s completely normal to be nervous about meeting new people and becoming intimate. Sex is a very personal subject, and if you don’t feel like sharing those details with someone, you don’t have to. Sex can be a nerve-wracking experience even for people that have already done it. Communication is an important key in relationships and sex.

          Understanding yourself first and what causes you to be anxious, could help you in feeling more comfortable with meeting new people. How do you feel about the other relationships in your life (non-intimate)? Do you ever feel anxiety in those relationships? I know you mentioned that you sometimes talk yourself out of meeting people and sometimes fear of the unknown can be the biggest obstacle for us. Have you tried meeting new people when you were with a group? Some people find it easier to interact with other people when the focus isn’t completely on them, it allows them to still meet new people but also have the comfort of faces they recognize.

          Overall, remember that nobody is perfect at meeting new people. Unfortunately, awkward moments do happen. But you are not alone in your experiences, it’s very normal to feel anxious before meeting someone or being intimate with someone for the first time!

          -Vidhya The Mix
          Last edited by vidhya; 20-09-2017, 02:36 PM.

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