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Aidan is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community for the following post:

"Hey Lucie,

You say you're still on medication and have had lots of therapy? Maybe it's a matter of revisiting old coping techniques and anything else like that, that therapy taught you?

And Drea is absolutely right! Even someone with everything material that they could ever want isn't insusceptible to mental illness. Any sex, race, age, class; it doesn't discriminate...
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How do you overcome commitment-phobia when dating?

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  • How do you overcome commitment-phobia when dating?



    For some people, relationships can feel natural and easy. However, for some others, relationships are not so easy. Relationships can be a challenge and some people can have relationship anxiety, a fear of relationships, or suffer from “commitment-phobia.” Research has found that people with a commitment phobia long and want a long-term connection with another person, but their overwhelming anxiety prevents them from staying in any relationship for too long.

    How do you think people can overcome commitment-phobia when dating?

    Look forward to hearing your thoughts

    - Aife

  • #2
    I think it is important to communicate with your partner and let them know that you struggle to commit mainly from the anxiety. That way you can take things at your own pace. Maybe try to not even put a label on anything to try to avoid anyone 'freaking out' and rather stick to the term 'seeing each other' until the person in the relationship feels comfortable to stay for the long run!

    Drea

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    • #3

      "Until I was 25 I thought that the only response to 'I love you' was 'Oh crap!" - Chandler Bing

      A fear of commitment is likely the result of past experiences. Consider what events in your life may have contributed to your fear. A close friend may be able to help you with this by being there to listen to you.You may also consider talking with family members to get more information on what took place during your childhood to gauge whether your commitment issues stem from your childhood.

      ​However to be able to discuss your commitment fears with someone else, first you need to figure out what it is about commitment that scares you. Different people may find different aspects of commitment frightening. Generally, most people are afraid of intimacy and genuine emotional connection, but there is often another aspect that is holding them back to pursuing a committed relationship. For example you may feel that you are losing your freedom or you may be scared due to past negative experiences. Whatever your fear(s) talk about them, write them down and work on them from there.

      ​If you are in a relationship, although it may upset your partner to know that you are afraid of committing to them, it is better than keeping them in the dark so always keep lines of communication open with your partner to avoid surprises/trust issues on both sides. Be honest about your fears so that your significant other can help you work through them. I had a bad experience in the past with an ex where I was emotionally abused and cheated on and at the start of my relationship with my current partner (4 years we've been together) I was insecure and scared that they would cheat on me/leave etc. However we always spoke about our fears and worked on them together. If you are dating, get yourself out there and be open about your issues, try to pursue someone that you are genuinely interested in, take a risk and put yourself out there for the person you really like. With dating comes rejection at times and while it can be painful and feel like a setback, you will learn it is not the end of the world. See the setback as a chance to make yourself braver and improve your skills in connecting with others.

      ​If Chandler Bing can commit to Monica, there's certainly hope for us all.

      - Sunny
      Last edited by SunshineSoul; 30-08-2017, 07:10 PM.

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      • #4
        Hi everyone!

        How do you think people can overcome commitment-phobia when dating?

        I definitely agree with everyone about communication:

        Drea:
        I think it is important to communicate with your partner and let them know that you struggle to commit mainly from the anxiety.
        SunshineSoul:
        If you are in a relationship, although it may upset your partner to know that you are afraid of committing to them, it is better than keeping them in the dark so always keep lines of communication open with your partner to avoid surprises/trust issues on both sides
        ​Letting the person know how you feel is so important and this gives them the opportunity to quell your worries and help you overcome it.
        ​In this situation, the thoughts and feelings that you have are all valid and the person that you are with may have them too.
        ​If not, at the least, it makes them aware of why you may act or say certain things and this can avoid any issues or problems in the future.

        ​Then you can both agree to take the relationship slow and at your pace, so that you can overcome anything and work through it as you go along.
        Life's all about learning, right?

        ​Every relationship is different and we don't need social pressures to rule our lives. Because a lot of the time anxiety stems from this. So ignore what others are doing and take the pressure out....this commitment-phobia may lessen immediately here.
        If people around you are committing to each other by doing things like getting a house and getting married, that's great and that's them but it doesn't mean that we all have to.

        ​If people are so different and relationships are so different, the ways that we commit and define a relationship are too.
        And that is up to you and your partner, so as long as you talk and agree then relax, enjoy each other and take it as it goes.

        ​And remember, you must be at the point where you have found someone and you like them, and they like you, right? You've already done the hardest part. You can do the next ones too.

        ​-PositiveAura.
        Last edited by PositiveAura; 30-08-2017, 07:14 PM.

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        • #5
          Finding the right person to spend your life with is a scary thing for most people, but I feel like once you truly love someone and allow yourself to be comfortable around them, commitment just comes naturally - at least in my opinion. I think communication can definitely be a barrier in some cases, whereby people are afraid to say the wrong things in fear of rejection of embarrassment; but in this situation it's crucial to try and look past that.

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