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Communication in relationships

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  • Communication in relationships



    Communication is often the bedrock to healthy relationships. This can mean being clear about your wants and needs, being open and honest about feelings, being mindful of theirs and a host of other things. When you and your partner aren't communicating properly, it's really easy to end up feeling frustrated and misunderstood.

    No matter how hard we try, however, there are always going to be moments where either we misunderstand our other half or we feel misunderstood ourselves. After all, mind-reading isn't really a thing...

    So, why is it so important to feel understood by your partner? What is it that makes us desire it so much?
    “But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
    "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
    "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
    "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”

  • #2
    Perhaps we want to be understood so much because our thoughts and feelings are part of who we are. If someone wants to be with us then we want them to get why we are the way we are and how we feel. In my experience, sometimes the hardest thing is really understanding yourself and your own feelings/desires. How do you communicate what you want when you don't know yourself? You might know how you feel but not truly understand why. Self reflection can be really important before you communicate how you feel to your partner.

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    • #3
      How can I avoid girls thinking of me as 'like a brother' to them?

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Robert View Post
        How can I avoid girls thinking of me as 'like a brother' to them?
        Don't get in the friendzone
        "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
        Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
        It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

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        • #5
          How can I avoid the friendzone? A lot of girls say that they want to be friends first.

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          • #6
            Heya all,

            emishere,good shout, you're definitely on to something there! There’s certainly a desire to be understood, and feelings of frustration when we are misunderstood, especially with someone who we care about.

            Like you said, self-reflection can be really important to organise and understand your thoughts before you try to articulate them to your partner—but perhaps another way to look at it would be to see your partner as someone to help you make sense of your thoughts/feelings/desires? Sometimes someone ‘further away’ from an issue can see things a little bit more clearly. Or maybe a combination of self-reflection and working things through with your partner’s help is best?

            Since being open and honest with each other and not being afraid to ask questions can cut out some guesswork and reduce stress in a relationship, what are some ways you can practice good communication as a couple?

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            • #7
              Hey Robert,

              The friend zone is definitely a tricky spot. This is actually a really great point to bring up during our conversation about communication! Since finding yourself in the friend zone can be frustrating (to say the least), perhaps working to communicate with the potential partner about your intentions and desires from the start could help clarify the nature of the relationship and keep you from falling into the friend zone that Shaunie mentioned.
              That’s not to say being friends first can’t happen, but like I said in my last post, it’s helpful to be open and honest to cut out guesswork!

              How would you feel about bring this topic up on the date?
              - Mica

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              • #8
                I agree that mentioning your intentions from day one should be best and is how I'd like girls to be towards me. The problem with that is that it often scares the girl off because she thinks I'm coming on too strong, too soon.
                Last edited by Robert; 22-03-2017, 10:55 AM.

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                • #9
                  I also agree that mentioning your intentions at the beginning of the 'talking stage' will help both partners understand where they are going with the relationship either as friends or more. You could always assume what your partner is thinking , and may end up being wrong, Which is why clarifying what you want beforehand will give you a heads up. Maybe asking questions like 'What are we in terms of relationship?'. Simple questions to get a straightforward answer.

                  Communication is key. You may misunderstand your partner and end up being wrong, which is why talking and having a better understanding with what they want will be better than being wrong. Communicating may be hard, and trying to get across with what you want however, it is better knowing what they want rather than assuming and getting hopes up!

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                  • #10
                    Robert Being in the friendzone position must be hard. I guess it does all start of as being friends first before anything gets serious. The partner may want to get to know you before taking things any further?

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                    • #11
                      Girls often say that they want to be friends first before entering a sexual relationship, but I usually don't get to the stage of kissing, let alone having regular sex.

                      I had a girl tell me that she had to go on many dates with someone and know him very well before even thinking about sex. I took her on several dates - but before we even got to the stage of kissing, she had a one-night stand with a stranger!
                      Last edited by Robert; 27-03-2017, 02:45 PM.

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                      • #12
                        Robert Different girls often want different things. Some dont want to get into a relationship straightaway and start of by being friends before anything gets serious.
                        During those dates, maybe you could have communicated and started a conversation of the topic ' where are we going from this' or 'what are we, and where do you think this is leading'. This may not have caused any confusion for you?

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                        • #13
                          I know that different girls want different things.

                          I did ask her those things. She said that we would have to take things slowly because she needs to know someone for a long time before she can even consider getting physical.

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