When i was 15 -16 I was in a relationship for first time. Few months went past and then things got bad. He wanted sex and did without my consent.
But what people aren't getting is that he was a nice person but because of me i made him into a rapist and then ruined his life. By showing texts to his friends of talking about me.not consenting and turning him into a horrible person - a rapist.
I've been told many times it wasn't my fault. And tell me to look at it from a different view, if it happened to my friend, would i still be thinking it was their fault.
But it was a clash of different people which turned him horrible. I'm a shy person and he wasn't. It's fact if I consented and faught more he wouldn't be a rapist. I feel so ashamed.
I had help from the NSPCC for a year because I didn't really understand and was more of a way to keep me safe and didn't really talk about the actual experience. But then that confuses me cause if I wasn't at risk of it In the first place and was more educated their saying it wouldn't of happened in the first place?
I get offered more help for it but it's not trauma. I helped someone become a bad person and I hate myself and cant live my life knowing that.