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What is Polyamory?

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  • What is Polyamory?

    So, most of us probably know the majority of relationships to be monogamous - a strong commitment and bond between two people. However, the flip side to this is polyamorous relationships - where multiple people engage in fully consensual romantic and sexual relationships. This FAQ page explains it well:

    A polyamorous person is someone who has or is open to having more than one romantic relationship at a time, with the knowledge and consent of all their partners. A polyamorous relationship is a romantic relationship where the people in the relationship agree that it’s okay for everyone to be open to or have other romantic partners. Polyamory is the idea or practice of being polyamorous or having polyamorous relationships.
    There are a lot of misconceptions around polyamory. It often gets confused with polygamy and swinging, for example, and a lot of people have never even heard the term. Buzzfeed Yellow have a great video Q&A with some poly folk clearing up what polyamory actually is:


    How much do/did you know about polyamory? Are you polyamorous yourself?

    I'd love to hear your thoughts!

    Mike
    Last edited by zaynah; 2 weeks ago.
    We're James, Steph & Mike: the staff team here at The Mix.
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  • #2
    It sounds great! How can I find a poly girl or successfully suggest to a girl that she and I have a poly relationship? When I've suggested it to girls they've bitten my head off.

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    • #3
      Robert, did you want a romantic relationship?
      Bubbles and glitter and rainbows.

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      • #4
        Yes, and having more than one with the knowledge and agreement of everyone involved sounds great. I've not personally known anyone who's openly poly, but I've watched documentaries about the subject.

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        • #5
          i can't even find one person to go out with me
          love, me

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          • #6
            Ella, do you go out often? Have you tried internet dating sites? What sort of person are you looking for?

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            • #7
              I think it's interesting and each to their own and all, but not something I could do personally (jealousy and the unfortunate belief of the 'starvation model' of love...although I am slowly working on seeing love as abundant).

              ​That said, I didn't realise how I was confusing polygamy with polyamory. Not only that but how polyamorous relationships have rules and that cheating is still looked down on. I like the fact that its more than just sex too. Pretty interesting way of life!
              Last edited by Maisy; 4 weeks ago.

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              • #8
                Polyamory is still frowned upon by most people, which is why few people are openly poly.

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                • #9
                  Check out morethantwo.com as a start. Then see what the alternative sexuality scene is like in your area. I think sometimes there are munches on poly- maybe called O.P.E.N but I'm not sure about that on a national setting.

                  I am not quite poly but also not monogamous. You have to be really self aware and prepared to sort through some negative emotions and communicate! Jealousy can be dealt with, but it isn't pleasant.
                  Bubbles and glitter and rainbows.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    ​Some really great discussion happening here.

                    Originally posted by Maisy View Post
                    I think it's interesting and each to their own and all, but not something I could do personally (jealousy and the unfortunate belief of the 'starvation model' of love...although I am slowly working on seeing love as abundant).

                    ​That said, I didn't realise how I was confusing polygamy with polyamory. Not only that but how polyamorous relationships have rules and that cheating is still looked down on. I like the fact that its more than just sex too. Pretty interesting way of life!
                    Maisy - I totally agree, and it's good to clear up those misconceptions. It's not something most people talk about very much, so I guess it's hard to know what's what! Interesting to hear about your own personal growth around the idea of love, too. Belief in that 'starvation mode' of love seems fairly common - what (if anything) would you say led you to that belief, out of curiosity?

                    Originally posted by Robert View Post
                    Polyamory is still frowned upon by most people, which is why few people are openly poly.
                    I think you've touched on a good point here, Robert. Why do you think it's frowned upon?

                    Originally posted by Purple_roo View Post
                    Check out morethantwo.com as a start. Then see what the alternative sexuality scene is like in your area. I think sometimes there are munches on poly- maybe called O.P.E.N but I'm not sure about that on a national setting.

                    I am not quite poly but also not monogamous. You have to be really self aware and prepared to sort through some negative emotions and communicate! Jealousy can be dealt with, but it isn't pleasant.
                    Thanks for sharing your insight here, Purple_roo! It's great to have you involved in the discussion. I'm very intrigued by your experiences with non-monogamy, and particularly the ways you overcome those challenges that can come with it. I would agree that communication - as the bedrock of most (if not all) healthy relationships - is super important. It would be interesting to hear a bit more about your experiences, if you feel comfortable sharing.
                    “But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
                    "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
                    "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
                    "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Polyamory is frowned upon because millions of people say that monogamy is the only way. Most people think that any form of non-monogamy is subversive, cheating, being greedy etc. Perhaps some people who couldn't handle it emotionally are jealous of those who can and do?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Mike I'm not too sure how I started to follow the starvation model of love. I know that, in the past, it has felt like no-one loves me, I'm unlovable, there's something wrong with me etc., so whenever someone has taken an interest in me, it has lead me to be clingy because I believe that the love and attention is so rare. It has felt like I have been begging for the smallest scraps of attention. But I have felt this way in many types of relationships, not just romantic. I would love to see love as abundance and have started feeling that way. It's lovely to feel that I have people who love me (I mean friends and family) and don't feel the need to be so clingy all the time. Still wouldn't fancy a polyamorous relationship though

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                        • #13
                          Maisy, how do you have friends and family who love you now, but in the past you didn't? How did you get your friends and family to love you when they previously didn't?

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Robert View Post
                            Maisy, how do you have friends and family who love you now, but in the past you didn't? How did you get your friends and family to love you when they previously didn't?

                            ​Short answer, made actual friends, and started opening up more, and being vulnerable to them and my family. Started being affectionate with them too even though we've all struggled with that. Gotta give a little love, to receive it

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                            • #15
                              How can you tell the difference between people who genuinely want to be your friends, compared to people who pretend to be your friends just to trick you into trusting them so that they can exploit you?

                              I did what you describe, but my family still don't care about me.
                              Last edited by Robert; 3 weeks ago.

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