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Gender & Sexuality forum: now open!

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You spoke and it was thus: due to popular demand and to celebrate Pride month, we're delighted to launch our new Gender & Sexuality forum!

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Post of The Month (April)

Maisy is our Post of The Month winner voted by the community:

"You're not bitchy at all. What this guy did to you, and how he invalidates it afterwards is horrific and you deserve justice. Rape can happen to anyone..."

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The Pro's and Con's of LDRs

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  • The Pro's and Con's of LDRs

    Itís the start of term Ė which mean that loved ones may be moving away to university or college.

    So letís talk continue talking about Long distances relationships.(LDRs)

    Research into long distance relationships concluded that:

    Overall the results were mixed, with neither relationship arrangement relating to a better relationship

    Relationship satisfaction did not differ across groups; however, individuals in proximal relationships reported:
    • better relationship maintenance
    • higher sexual frequency
    • lower relationship stress.

    Research also showed that:

    People in LDRs scored lower on:
    • anxiety
    • depression
    • fatigue

    Results indicated that being in a long distance relationship predicted more individual and relationship stress but better diet and exercise behaviours.

    So the research shows us that there are lots of positives to being in a long distance relationship!

    Here are buzzfeeds 20 top tips for anyone in a long distance relationship

    Tell us your experiences of long distance relationships?
    We're James, Aife & Mike: the staff team here at The Mix.
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  • #2
    After being in Long distance relationships before and currently being in one now, compared to relationships where I lived close to the person I definitely feel like being far away makes you value the other person more and you definitely appreciate the time you do get to spend with them.
    In reply to Steve, I don't think people in LDR's are any more likely to have sex with someone else than those who are in a relationship with someone close
    You're a ghost at most
    A set of empty bones
    Searching for anything and everything to make you feel whole


    • #3
      Happy to weigh in on this as I did this for 2 years of uni - and we're now married! So it can definitely work

      My big things on LDRs are...
      • Both sides know the deal. Are you exclusive? To Steve's point - this should remove the issue of being with other people if you both know where you stand. How frequently is reasonable to see each other? (i.e. if one thinks every week and one thinks every month - unlikely to work)
      • You're willing to make sacrifices. Both of you will have to give up weekends (or whenever works), are you ok with that? Are you ok that this means you will miss out on some stuff if you're travelling to see the other person? This isn't always easy when your uni flatmates don't understand why you won't be around.
      • Can your two lives mix? i.e. is your other half willing to hang out with your uni friends? and vice versa? If they clash, you may have difficulties, or end up missing out on other things which could make you resentful.This took some work for us as my OH is a couple of years older and never went to uni, so he found it hard to fit in at first.
      • Is there an end in sight? This doesn't need to be next year, or even 3 years, but is there a future you both agree on? If you eventually want to move in together and have more time together or anything like that, you need to both want that and understand how it could happen - even if it's a long time away. The friends of mine who didn't last are those who both wanted to move to different places, with neither ever willing to compromise. But, I also have some who are still LDR now 6 years on from Uni because one is in a very specialist job where she keeps moving around to train - however, in 2-3 years they will finally be able to be in the same place.
      And finally, it is tough. You will have many days where you miss the other person like mad. However, you will also have loads to time to explore new things and meet new people, without any temptation to stay safely with your OH. It pushes you out of your comfort zone and almost forces you to have some independence and enjoy the time you have away from your OH. If anything - this was a little shock for us when we eventually moved in together, and resulted in a bit of bickering whilst we got used to being around each other so much.

      Sorry that was a bit long, but having done this myself and had many friends do it - some successful and some not - it comes from experience if anyone has any questions I'd be happy to answer them.

      Last edited by Cat88; 16-09-2016, 08:19 AM.


      • #4
        I'm interested in the research

        I've not been in an LDR, but in the past, I have found it difficult only being able to talk to people I'm close to online, or not being able to see them much. In my mind, this would increase anxiety and depression. However, I now feel more comfortable with the idea that some of the people I'm closest too, I can't be with that often. I totally agree with that Buzzfeed link though- LDRs would need a lot of trust (something that I'm trying to work on!)


        • #5
          Love this topic!
          I am currently in a long distance myself and likewise to 'Hiccup' I feel that I also value the person a lot more!
          A lot of people assume relationships only work if the two of you are close by however I disagree. What do you think?
          Personally I think the main thing is that you talk, if you are upset about something no matter what the distance let the other one know!
          If you both want it to work it can!


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