I really hate the feeling of being gay, I feel like no one will accept me because I don't accept myself and I don't know if I even want to. But I am in love with this guy and he is in love with me, I love the feeling of sucking him off and I love being near and with him...but when I am away from him I hate myself I hate thinking I think that way...what should I do?
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
Hating being gay is all to easy to do, it has after all "ruined your life" - you're not going to follow the life plan that you and everyone else assumed you would. But the truth is what society tells us we should want from relationships very rarely actually matches up with what we do want, it's just you've found that out earlier than most, and so have the chance to think about it, and go into life knowing what you want, rather than realising after many years wasted in strangely unsatisfactory relationships.
But yes, you need to change yourself - you need to work out what you think is wrong with being a man who likes men, and see if that there really isn't anything wrong with it. you need to not hate yourself for being gay, but to embrace it - it's who you are, and it can bring you much happiness is you let it.
I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.
Just dont let the hatred ruin your life further, do your best to embrace it! i hid from it and tried to change myself for years.. and it got me into some really bad stuff. It is what you are, theres no way to change it, and its not a bad thing! Always remember that!
Life is a rollercoaster. One minute your excited, and the next, your squeezing your eyes shut, scared shitless.
But without the scares, how would you know the excitment??
Without out the lows of life, how would you recognise the highs, and the happy moments?
Like water settling in a jug...
it takes a long time, lots of ups and downs,
but they get smaller and smaller
until eventually they are gone.