basically, my home life is crap. im only 15 so i hav another 3 and a half years to go till i go to uni and move out.
my mum and dad are divorced and have both gotten engaged. The divorce was painful enough at the time, cos it was a pretty nasty one and my mum and dad still squabble over custody. Neither of them actually want me with them, they just want to get one over on the other one.
Then there`s my stepdad. Lets just say he would make a good Hitler.
If it was up to him i wouldnt be allowed to wear ANY makeup or nail polish and would only wear clothes that he "approves" of. Luckily, my mother is there. Instead she says to him to just leave it, and then makes a nasty remark about it later to try and get me to take it off/stop wearing it. For instance, the other day i decided to put on some nail polish. It cost a bomb and i chose it to suit my skin tone, so it wasnt like it didnt suit me. But when i came downstairs my stepdad was like, "take that crap off your nails right NOW." but then my mum said to him, "dont say anything, just let her go out looking like a whore."
she says things like that regularly, calls me fat (even though im much skinnier than her), insults me and tries to ignore me as best as possible. She pretty much thinks that im to be endured rather than loved.
I cant even describe how much of a tyrant my stepdad is. Im not allowed to have any food or drink unless i ask permission from him (which im not going to do cos its my bloody house and he aint my father) and things like that. Grr even thinking about him makes me grind my teeth.
So anyway, then there is my dad. I suppose he does kind of like me, he doesnt hate me like my mother does, but he just cant be bothered. I defend him in front of my mother, but i know that all the insults are true.
The thing is, im quite wealthy and i get all the material possessions that i want so everyone thinks im really happy, but im so not!
Compounded with the stress of school etc i self harm and have tried to commit suicide. They werent very successful attempts and no-one found out, but im convinced that soon im going to just snap and kill myself. Once i found out that you can kill yourself by drinking too much water, and i had to stop myself from collecting all the bottles in the house. i ALWAYS want to die, every single second of the day, but somehow i manage not to. I dont have the willpower to hold on for much longer though. Things arent going to get any better in my life, so whats the point?