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Friend homeless again and I don't know what to do

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  • Friend homeless again and I don't know what to do

    Hi guys my friend has just been evicted again. I'm not quite sure what she has done as she won't twll me. But when she was put there she told me she couldn't be evicted because it was like a home for people with mental health needs.

    I just don't know what I can say anymore I try and try and try but she is always getting into trouble. I would take her in myself but it's not my home as I live with my parents.

    She gets in trouble working the police a lot and really doesn't have a home because she flits between places. But I keep telling her she needs to start behaving herself, keep away from the wrong crowed and start taking things (life) more seriously. Shes 19 but everytime I think she's just about got somewhere, something always happens 😔.
    Wether it be something stupid like making a newsense of herself or something that could involve the police. It is normally stupid things that the police are involved for. But it's a lot of the time. To the point where if we are in the street all the police officers know her by sight and name.

    Because of her record there are many shelters that won't take her in. And the fact remains tonight she has literally got no where. I obviously don't want give up on her but I feel like I'm trying to help her out as much as I can but she just doesn't keep to what ive said, do what she is supposed to and persevere.

    She was with her aunt at one time but her dad is staying there. Because she doesn't quite get on with her dad she won't go there.

    A while ago her mum gave her a final chance to stay with her. I begged her to just behave and she had just come out of hospital after a suicide attempt. But not even a week later she fell out with her mum for being over protective and now her mum won't have her back.

    I seriously don't know what to do anymore 😔 I will admit I don't see her very often which I feel a bit guilty about. But my reason is due to all this, as horrible as it sounds I don't think I would cope.

    When I do see her I meet her straight from work, but because she doesn't have a job it's not like we can go somewhere for a coffee or anything so we go for a walk and by the time I get home I'm knackered. She is my friend and I love seeing her but sometimes it's hard.

    Her mum has told her that she should be thankful to me because I make sure she she behaves herself and help her out when I know she hasn't eaten for a day or two.
    (The fact her mum said thid, does make me feel slightly awkward tho)

    I just wish she'd listen to me; when she gets somewhere behave herself, stop getting in trouble with the police and focus on getting support.


    I want to help her tonight but I've run out of ways knowing how to help her. Sometimes I would go up to her but I couldn't tonight as I was helping my nan. I spoke to her on the phone and gave her an emergency placement number to call and see if they can help her tonight. Wether or not she called them, I don't know.

    I know she struggles with money but when she does get a bit she gets too tempted and ends up getting drunk :/
    Something else I know she is struggling with but doesn't know or won't admit it.

    It may seem selfish but is there anywhere I can get support? I'm trying my best to support her but I've seriously ran out of ideas. I'm starting to struggle with it all.


    I don't even know if any of this makes sense I just kinda wrote it down how it is in my head
    Last edited by zaynah; 22-05-2017, 02:35 PM.

  • #2
    Hey Million,

    I hope getting that down on paper (/screen?) helped. When you put a lot of mental and/or emotional energy into trying to help someone, it's only natural to get frustrated or worn down if you feel like you're hitting a bit of a wall with them. Even more so if you feel some degree of responsibility towards them.

    Originally posted by One-in-a-million View Post
    It may seem selfish but is there anywhere I can get support? I'm trying my best to support her but I've seriously ran out of ideas. I'm starting to struggle with it all.
    It doesn't seem selfish - we need to be equipped if we're going to support others. Mind have some amazing resources for helping and supporting someone else that might be worth a look. They have some stuff on self-care as well as what you can practically do depending on the situation.

    I wonder if your friend might benefit from getting in touch with our helpline? They're pros at finding organisations that can help people with their situations, and maybe they can provide some fresh ideas.

    It's good to bear in mind that no matter how hard you try, how much you can help someone is usually dependent on whether or they're able and willing to help themselves. Sometimes they aren't and that's okay, but in any case it's important not to hold yourself accountable or put yourself under any pressure to 'solve' their situation. We all have limitations, and just being there for her like you are is amazing.

    Make sure you're taking care of yourself in all this and let us know how things go.
    "You're familiar with the phrase "man's reach exceeds his grasp"? It's a lie: man's grasp exceeds his nerve."

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    • #3
      Some people are beyond help. They create toxic environments around themselves and drag everyone they love and care about down with them. Your friend sounds like one of these people i'm afraid.
      ​The best thing you can do, imo is be there but try and create some healthy detachment by realising that until she wants to make a positive change there isn't much you can do. It sounds ruthless, but you need to look out for number 1.

      ​If she decides she wants help and to change, then be there. Don't let her drag you down.
      Whowhere, neither here nor there.

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      • #4
        Hi guys thanks ,

        She managed to get put in a hotel (room only) for a night. But slept rough since.
        I've tried as many places as I can think of which aren't many as I'm not very good at knowing these services and most of them she has tried but they won't help. I'm starting to really worry about her safety. I know she has ben self harming for a while now and has been having trouble getting her medication.

        The counsil have said they won't help her out (I don't know why) as I thought they legally had to?

        Thank you mike I will take a look at their website.

        Hey whowhere I know what you mean and My friend has told me the same. I'm just scared of doing this. She doesn't actually ring me or anything but last time I left her too it. I hadn't heard anything for a week and then I couldn't get in touch with her and no one had seen her. I was terrified! But 10 days after I learnt she has been arested. But because I hadn't heard from her I was so scared something had happened.

        Thanks guys

        Comment


        • #5
          The authorities refuse to help house some people if they consider that the person has made himself/herself homeless or is refusing housing that has been offered to them. For example, on a Channel 4 documentary series, it showed the council of a London borough offer a young single homeless woman a rented flat in Birmingham. She initially refused it, because she wanted to live in London. They told her that if she didn't take the Birmingham flat, they'd deem her "homeless by choice" and would refuse to help house her.
          Last edited by Robert; 31-03-2017, 07:35 PM.

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