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Bullying has had a big impact on my confidence and self image

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  • Bullying has had a big impact on my confidence and self image

    Over my secondary school years I got bullied the whole way through the 5/6yrs and it has had an big impact on my confidence and self image. The worse thing that happened is in Jan of 2014 I got badly beaten up because they were bullying me about my weight and I was standing up for myself. it got to a stage when I was off school for 2 weeks because I couldn't go in knowing that it could happen again. One of my subject teachers were concerned because I was missing a lot of content and she didn't want me to fail my exams and also she was concerned because I don't normally miss school so she was wondering why I wasn't in. She was very concerned throughout the whole process and helpful at the same time when she knew what I was going through, she was the only one in the school that was concerned when I was off school for 2 weeks, no one questioned it apart from her and some of my class!!!! Anyway ever since this my confidence has been so low and I've been so worried abut my self image. It also got to a stage when in March 2014 I was off school for another 2 weeks because I was starving myself because of what they were saying to me and ended up in hospital due to my weight being extremely low. again one of my subject teachers were concerned and some of my peers. It actually got to the stage when in 2015 that I was so bad that I couldn't take my exams and I look back it now and feel bad and annoyed for letting the bullies effect me that much.. I have 3 tattoos now on my body because I'm trying to start an new image and forget about the past but its so hard. I also had 5/6inches of hair cut off because I wanted a new self image (mainly got my hair cut short because of the time when I got dragged along the floor with my hair!!!) and I've regretted that ever since. starting a new job in Nov 2015 was a huge step for me and at times my self confidence dropped significantly but thankfully my supervisor was able to help me get me back to where I needed to be to continue with my job in retail , I have recently though (this weekend) I will be handing in my notice at work because I'm physically and emotionally not stable enough to continue to work.

    ​Sorry for such a long post but needed to let it out because right now its stopping me sleeping!!!

    How can I stop myself from feeling bad about my self image and how to develop confidence?!

    ​Need some replies, need advice

  • #2
    Hi again,

    It takes time, you've probably be told that already, but it really does and sometimes there is no forgetting it, I was bullied through out my school life and all together I missed a few years of school, due to bullying and also due to my mother. The point is you will work it out, I would say you need to accept what happened, let it in and get it out and then try to let it settle, but different things work for different people, you can find your own way of moving on from it and it is hard but it helps for the future and presant. It also helps your mental health. When I realised what happened, happened and theres was nothing I could do to change it I began to look ahead, you can't move forward if you always looking back. I understand it's hard, it took me about 7 years and I still get caught up in stuff and if your not ready, don't push your self.

    Someone told me the best way to get confidence is to pretend you already have it and it is absolutely true, if you continue to concentrate on low confidence, your not going to get anywhere, give it a few tries and even it it doesn't work out you will learn from it, being afraid of fear it's self it the worst, so head it straight on be the person you want to be, it is only you who is stopping that happening.

    and please don't starve yourself. Look after yourself. You really need to in this world.

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    • #3
      Hi Laura,
      I was bullied loads in primary school, and hated how the teachers used to moan about how I never socialised with anyone. Why should I have? They'd just have hit me. It subsided though in secondary school, because you get put in with lots of people who don't know you and it felt like a fresh start. By now, the bullying and subsequent fear of others had already made me beyond painfully shy to the point where I still have social phobia. And from that stemmed depression.

      Confidence is something that takes a long time (and a good streak) to build up if you don't already have it, but once it's there it'll get you all sorts of places. Faking it can help, if you're any good at holding yourself in a self-assured manner and talking calmly but assertively. Make any sense? Probably not, but you know what I mean. Try to act as you'd imagine a confident person would act. Talk to yourself in the mirror. This is more sane than you think it is (or at least I hope so lol).

      As for sleep, you need to stop worrying and obsessing over things at night. It is harder than it sounds, but writing a list of to-do's for tomorrow etc. could help get it out of your head. Also, try breathing deeply and slowly with your abdomen when laid in bed, as this calms you and reduces anxiety. Look up 'progressive muscle relaxation', this helps too. There's evidence it even helps people with dementia with their thinking and communication- but mainly it's a relaxation thing. Don't intentionally try to sleep, as this never works, just try to relax- sleep will come after. Make sure you're comfy, it's dark, and don't look at bright screens before bed or whilst you're in it. And never use your bed for anything other than the 2 S's (sleep and sex) as you need to build a deep association with bed and sleep.

      If you've read this far, well done, I know it's a lot, but trust me it's easier to read than to write lol. Anyway, I hope this helps, good luck 😊

      And keep at it
      SUCCESS is not final, FAILURE is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts

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      • #4
        ​Thanks Distraction for the reply, sorry taken so long to get back to you. Yeh ive been told it takes time to get through the bullying but I need it to stop because its having a bad effect on my social life and my self confidence and self image. aww bless if you need to talk about what you went through then feel free I'm always here to listen, Thanks for the advice I will try it and see if its work. Ill try and be the person I want to be but right now its hard. Ill prvate message you tomorrow about a situation that is making it hard to be myself. Its a bit late to say that because at the moment I'm feeling sick because of my foot that I'm starving myself.

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        • #5

          Hi Aidan thanks for the reply and sorry its taken so long to get back to you. sorry to hear that you wen through bullied too. I feel the same that you did, teachers telling me to socialise when all I do is get hurt if I did. I'm always here if u need to chat and if you don't want to do it on the thread then private message me. Ill try and develop my confidence but its not easy because of the postion ive been in recently and in the past. I will try and use your techinques and see if it helps, thanks

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          • #6
            Hey Laura,

            I'm so sorry to hear you've been through such a difficult time, you've done so well to share your story. Distraction and Aidan have given some really great advice, especially around confidence and it taking time to build up. I just wanted to check up on you and see how things are going?

            All the best,
            - Aife

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            • #7
              Hi Aife thanks for the reply. Yeah ive been through some difficult things in the past and I'm grateful for the replies and advice ive been given. I'm not good at the moment, my self confidence is really low especially after what a manager said to me at work on Friday

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