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Friend is Self-Harming - Advice? [May Trigger]

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  • Friend is Self-Harming - Advice? [May Trigger]

    Hi Boards,

    Recently I've become aware my boyfriend is self-harming. I don't know what to do. I suffer with self-harm myself, and frankly whilst I've managed to mostly keep on top of it, I'm still not the best and I feel my advice may not be suitable/the best. His parents are not suitable to tell for various reasons. He's selective mute and aspie, so he finds communication difficult at the best of times. I'm just, struggling to find advice? Any suggestions are welcome.

  • #2
    Hey TKD, and welcome to the community.

    It really sucks to hear about your boyfriend (and you of course). It sounds like your instinct is a healthy one - knowing that you might not be best placed to support him. It can be really difficult to give someone advice when you're struggling with things yourself, but the one thing you may be able to do that others can't is empathise.

    Listening to someone without judgement and just being there can be huge for people. Whether or not you're able to give advice and help him in a problem-solving kind of way, helping him to feel less alone and have someone to truly relate to might do the world of good.

    Of course, it depends a lot on the kind of support he wants (if anything) and where he's at with his own recovery. Sometimes asking someone how they'd like us to support them is the best way to know - perhaps that's a conversation you can have with him if/when he's ready?

    If some online support services (given the selective mutism) are something he'd like to look in to then we can give you/him some places to look into.

    How are you feeling in all of this? Supporting someone on your own can come with a lot of challenges even when you're not struggling yourself, so it's important to make sure you're getting the care that you need too.
    "You're familiar with the phrase "man's reach exceeds his grasp"? It's a lie: man's grasp exceeds his nerve."


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