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Can anyone relate Ptw

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  • Can anyone relate Ptw

    (Ive tried my best to stay within the guidelines). I can't even tell if im suicidal. But i was in hospital for 2 nights. And both mornings I woke up, being really agitated and upset it didn't work. Its the worst feeling ever.

    But I dont think i want to die? I just really want to die Now but not Forever?. I Just want to wake up to the time - where everyone says everything will be better. I feel like i need a break from life. I cant take it. I'm to sensitive for it. I can't even explain it. I'm just so overwhelmed with different emotions and tired. Like phsycially It's to much to handle. I just keep crying. Im pathetic.

    It's frustrating because it's just in my head but it feels so phsyical. Like how can you cry so much just for from pain you cant even see. It doesn't stop and feel so broken.

    College is to much stress for me and i know i won't be a student forever but it still stresses me out to the point I dont want to be here.

    I dont want to live with myself and live my life anymore. I Feel no point in my existence and a burden to my family and the NHS. And just an extra body that's not need. And no one woukd care if I left. nothing drastic would happen.

    I know it's not possible to die just for now but then i think - is it even worth it. Like even if it does get better would going through all this pain be worth it. Then that's when i start thinking I do actually want to die.

    And it's pathetic that i feel so sorry for myself. Cause tbh - i do & im literally drowning in self pity. But it's really draining me so much .

    I'm sitting here at nearly 3am. And right now I dont want to leave the house again. What even is life. It's to loud and people are sickos. It's a big place and it really scares me so much.

    This isn't even life its just torture how is it fair I'm meant to live with so much suffering. And why is it selfish for me to not want to be in pain. Of corse it would come across my mind when it feels like the only peace i will get.

    Thanks for reading
    Last edited by Shaunie; 17-04-2017, 03:07 AM.
    "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
    Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
    It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

  • #2
    Hey Shaunie,

    It sounds like you have it so hard right now. I think I know how you feel too, I don't want to be alive right now either (maybe I'm hoping for a cure in the future, but I know it's unlikely). Getting up, dressing, washing, cooking, breathing- all the basics are too hard because I know deep down that there's no point.

    Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone, there are people in the same boat and there are people who want to help you. Me included. Don't feel like a burden, it's not your own fault you're like this, and people do really want to help I think. There'll always be some who do it just because it's their job, but I find most really do care.

    I know I sound really hypocritical, but that little bit of hope that things will get better has kept me going for a long time.

    Sorry you feel like this, please don't kill yourself, and let me know how you're doing now?
    SUCCESS is not final, FAILURE is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts

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    • #3
      Hi shaunie,

      Sounds like you are going through a really hard time at the moment. I understand the way you are feeling completely. I also understand that you are feeling a lot of confusion with all these different thoughts and feelings. We have to try and stay strong for the future and try and think it could get better as we can change it. I also wish I didn't have to be here at this moment in time and could come back when everything have cleared up a bit. We can beat this.

      The stress of collage is a lot, with exams coming up it can all get to much but try and take some time for yourself. I will be hard but you can push through it not too much longer to go.

      Your not pathetic and you would be missed if you weren't here, you are strong. This will get better even if it looks like it is getting worse.

      Stay strong you can do this. How you feeling now?
      Last edited by Charlotte; 17-04-2017, 11:48 PM.

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      • #4
        Hey Shaunie,

        It sounds like you're going through such a difficult time at the moment. I just wanted to say how brave you are for opening up about everything that you're going through, this is often such a difficult step to take. It's really great you're looking for advice from other's who might be able to relate to what you're going through. Life can be so difficult sometimes and can often feel like things won't ever get better, but like Aidan said holding onto that hope, even if it's small, can help keep you going. You're not alone at all we're all here for you whenever you need to talk things through.

        You mentioned that college is stressful at the moment, like Charlotte mentioned taking time for yourself can often help when things are getting too much. Sometimes doing more of what we love can help through these stressful and difficult times. Is there something you really enjoy doing that you'd like to do more of?

        If you ever feel like things are getting too much or overwhelming, Samaritans or Papyrus are there to talk through anything you're going through and offer you advice and support.

        How are you feeling today?

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you all. That does mean a lot. I was going to say I still feel the same. But rereading what i wrote, reminds me how low i was feeling and feel tiny bit better then that.

          But i really need help right now. Ive been really sick from what I did and im really scared. I dont know what to do. It's only hitting me how much damage I'm doing. But I've been really sick and dont know if that's helps it be less damaging. ?
          "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
          Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
          It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey Shaunie,

            Glad to hear that you're feeling that tiny bit better! Have you tried getting advice from any of the places Aife has hyperlinked you?

            Just remember that it is never too late to start afresh! The fact that you are acknowledging that you have done some damage is a good step in overcoming it! You're doing really well and remember you have all of us here at the mix to help support you!

            Drea

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you drea.
              They use phone calls and i wouldn't ring.
              And forgot to put. I can't take time out for myself a way from college. I'm in my second year, and basically have done no work. I have two years of work to do in a few weeks. No one will help me because they don't know how to talk to me. And im to shy for any of this. I'm going to get no where in life. There's no point
              "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
              Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
              It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

              Comment


              • #8
                Glad your feeling a little better. Would you be able to go to hospital or the doctors so that they would be able to give you more advice and make sure your ok. Message me if you need to anytime.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank you Charlotte.
                  I know someone who knows someone who did what i did and after a few hours he got help but it was to late he was dying in the next few days,and there was nothing they could do. And ive basically convinced myself, with the help of Google, I've done a lot of damage and probably passed it. I don't know if im scared or happy. I'm either paranoid or right. But i still feel sick
                  "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
                  Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
                  It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    shaunie, I think I know what might have happened but I might be wrong. I would really recommend checking in with a doctor as they will be able to give you more advice and may be able to help reverse the effects of what you have done. there are options out there and if you are still feeling sick then this might be the best plan. sometimes google can be wrong but the doctor is the only thing which might be able to help.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I think im gunna ring 111
                      "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
                      Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
                      It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        ok well done, you can do this stay strong here if you need me

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I couldnt bring myself to ring it. But my sisters were wanting to know why im so ill and I just admitted. Now they are taking me. I hate going to hospital for my mental health. They're so judgy:'(
                          "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
                          Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
                          It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Sorry to here you don't want to go and that they are judgy I have never been for mental health so I am unable to comment. Well done for reaching out and telling them even if you weren't able to phone. Well done

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I'm feeling a lot physically better now thank you
                              "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
                              Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
                              It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

                              Comment

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