But I dont think i want to die? I just really want to die Now but not Forever?. I Just want to wake up to the time - where everyone says everything will be better. I feel like i need a break from life. I cant take it. I'm to sensitive for it. I can't even explain it. I'm just so overwhelmed with different emotions and tired. Like phsycially It's to much to handle. I just keep crying. Im pathetic.
It's frustrating because it's just in my head but it feels so phsyical. Like how can you cry so much just for from pain you cant even see. It doesn't stop and feel so broken.
College is to much stress for me and i know i won't be a student forever but it still stresses me out to the point I dont want to be here.
I dont want to live with myself and live my life anymore. I Feel no point in my existence and a burden to my family and the NHS. And just an extra body that's not need. And no one woukd care if I left. nothing drastic would happen.
I know it's not possible to die just for now but then i think - is it even worth it. Like even if it does get better would going through all this pain be worth it. Then that's when i start thinking I do actually want to die.
And it's pathetic that i feel so sorry for myself. Cause tbh - i do & im literally drowning in self pity. But it's really draining me so much .
I'm sitting here at nearly 3am. And right now I dont want to leave the house again. What even is life. It's to loud and people are sickos. It's a big place and it really scares me so much.
This isn't even life its just torture how is it fair I'm meant to live with so much suffering. And why is it selfish for me to not want to be in pain. Of corse it would come across my mind when it feels like the only peace i will get.
Thanks for reading