As most of you know i have had a difficult time lately.. i did something stupid which has only left me in a lot of physical pain the last few days. I just wanted to take a minute to apologise to the members of themix and themix staff. I know i have been a handful lately. This is probably due to me not having my anti-psychotic meds for almost a week, you would probably think i was stupid if i told you why.. it was a mistake, i had 3 assessments and so much on my mind that i forgot to pick up a prescription.
Im ready to accept any backlash for the pain and upset i have caused.. i deserve it. Ive now been put on anti-depressants aswell as my anti-psychotic meds. I have BPD and i dont know how to deal with it.. i have been so very angry recently because if my family didnt put me through abuse for most of my life i probably wouldnt be suffering with mental health..
My symptoms got worse today, i was walking to the shop and for the first time ever i felt like i had left my body, i went very light and couldnt control any of my body, all i could see was me falling.. i managed to snap out of it before i hit the ground.. but i was almost in the road and i dont know how it happened.
My alcohol usage has gotten out of control, im still drinking everynight but havent felt able to discuss it with my support worker.. it helps me keep going. Ive lost all family due to the domestic violence i went through, i have no friends, its a very lonely world for me at the moment.. its just me and the voices.
Again, i want to apologise for my suicidal behaviour, i shouldnt of brought it to themix i should of kept it to myself. I understand if you are all annoyed at me, you have every right to be.. i understand if you hate me, because at the moment i hate myself.