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  • How do you keep going

    How do you keep going when the worst thing has happened ....

    I wake up every morning and wish and wonder why I'm not dead ,i can sleep for ages but still wake up exhausted , i carnt be open with anyone because i feel like they don't care and when they say they do they really don't that's why i keep it to myself. I've started drinking soo much recently and it should bother me but it doesn't it just helps numb the pain. I see everyone one moving on with there life's and I'm stuck here standing still and it hurts what do i need to do to make it stop.


    I feel so alone. unwanted used . Messed up , unworthy , dead inside , crushed , drowning , hurt ,lost and beyond help . I close my eyes and i can see him raping me over and over again how is that fair i can feel him , hear him , smell him its touture and I'm done with it , i wish i kept quiet about it because it would be easier to let it carry on than deal with this now

    If i could leave this world with no questions asked i would but i guess I'll just keep it to myself from now on 😭😭😭😭
    Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
    Dr. Seuss

  • #2
    .
    Last edited by horsemad; 13-03-2017, 06:32 PM. Reason: No one cares any way
    Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
    Dr. Seuss

    Comment


    • #3
      Hey Horsemad

      I care I really do 💜💙

      Unfortunately though I don't know how you keep going on when the worst has happened.

      Lovely I too see him the person who raped me when I close my eyes and often go round in my head that I wish he would of killed me instead.

      I really don't know what to say because I feel all them words too but I just wanted to drop by and send some gentle hugs and say that I do care about you.
      You are enough

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi horsemad.
        I also dont have the answer to your question. But I get and hear every word your saying. So your not alone.
        And there's a reason your here otherwise you wouldn't be here. You just have to wait til everything gets a bit easier. Which I agree - none of how you feel is fair. And it's sucks and upsetting that you feel that low. But you're still here which shows you're a very strong person.
        Even if you can't see a reason to live. Find one. Even as little as eating your faviourate food. Or live for someone ekse and carrying on living for them because they would be devastated without you. And then when things get easier you'll be living because you want to. Not saying life will be completely easy later but they wont be completely shit.
        And you're not beyond help. And there is help out there. Not the best but it helps a lot of people.
        "To me where the wild things are is a place that exists in our minds.
        Its a place of liberty and shamelessness.
        It can take a split second of a life time to find it, but once you do, you'll be free" - Alessia Cara

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Lostsense View Post
          Hey Horsemad

          I care I really do 💜💙

          Unfortunately though I don't know how you keep going on when the worst has happened.

          Lovely I too see him the person who raped me when I close my eyes and often go round in my head that I wish he would of killed me instead.

          I really don't know what to say because I feel all them words too but I just wanted to drop by and send some gentle hugs and say that I do care about you.
          Hey lost sense

          Thanks for replying , thank you I'm finding it hard to feel like people care when I know they do..

          Flash backs are awful and there never ending the abuse hasn't stopped it's still on going i just want o give up xx
          Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
          Dr. Seuss

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Shaunie View Post
            Hi horsemad.
            I also dont have the answer to your question. But I get and hear every word your saying. So your not alone.
            And there's a reason your here otherwise you wouldn't be here. You just have to wait til everything gets a bit easier. Which I agree - none of how you feel is fair. And it's sucks and upsetting that you feel that low. But you're still here which shows you're a very strong person.
            Even if you can't see a reason to live. Find one. Even as little as eating your faviourate food. Or live for someone ekse and carrying on living for them because they would be devastated without you. And then when things get easier you'll be living because you want to. Not saying life will be completely easy later but they wont be completely shit.
            And you're not beyond help. And there is help out there. Not the best but it helps a lot of people.
            Hey shaunie

            Everything is just getting to me
            Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
            Dr. Seuss

            Comment


            • #7
              Don't give up horsemad!

              I've not long been put on paroxetine for flashbacks. Are you any meds to help with the flashbacks?

              Why haven't you reported it to the police? It's probably an easy thing for me to say because I reported it the same night not a doubt in my mind was not to because I didn't want him to do it to anyone else.

              Stay strong xxx
              You are enough

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Lostsense View Post
                Don't give up horsemad!

                I've not long been put on paroxetine for flashbacks. Are you any meds to help with the flashbacks?

                Why haven't you reported it to the police? It's probably an easy thing for me to say because I reported it the same night not a doubt in my mind was not to because I didn't want him to do it to anyone else.

                Stay strong xxx
                It's soo hard not to give up

                I've not told anyone one about them I'm scared they won't understand ..

                I have a ISVA who can help me go through the reporting process but it's his word against mine
                Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
                Dr. Seuss

                Comment


                • #9
                  I know it is.

                  Yeah I had an ISVA.

                  His word is wrong though and they will see that.
                  You are enough

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm soo scared to meet my isva she's going to come to my house next Wednesday but i just want to cancel it xx
                    Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
                    Dr. Seuss

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      NOOOOO don't cancel it! My ISVA was lovely xx
                      You are enough

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Lostsense View Post
                        NOOOOO don't cancel it! My ISVA was lovely xx
                        I'm soo scared
                        Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
                        Dr. Seuss

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          It's okay to feel scared. I was scared too xx
                          You are enough

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Lostsense View Post
                            It's okay to feel scared. I was scared too xx
                            I just wish i wasn't always so scared
                            Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
                            Dr. Seuss

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Have you talked to RAINN before?xx
                              You are enough

                              Comment

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