So, a lot of shit has happened recently.. i feel obliged to carry someones baby because he said he would kill himself if he didnt have another son and said he wanted it with me. To be honest, with my mental health i probably wouldnt even be allowed a kid... im even thinking of going on heroin.. ive tried cocaine etc but didnt get that much of a buzz but ive heard people saying how great heroin is and if it gets rid of my pain i would happily try it.. i stupidly re activated my fb to see if there was anyone else i could add on my new one.. soon as i re activated ive had my mum contact me etc.. the issue is i cannot stop responding to her messages.. the voices are so bad.. last night was the illest ive been so far, ive been drinking a lot and starting to consider prostitution i mean why not others take advantage of my body why not get paid during the process.. i cant even phone the crisis team because ive had a drink, dont know what they would say to be honest.. probs the same ones i got assessed by today so wouldnt go there tbh.. if i tell my worker about the guy she is going to think im a slut!! I wrote down everything thats ever happened to me on the pc and sent it to her except one thing. Ive never spoke about this because its too deep.. when i was 11 years old i attended sea cadets in my city.. i was sleeping over there for 2 nights and we were all playing hide and seek, there was a boy there who was maybe a year older than me, he was weird very hyper.. he ran up to me during the game and put his hand down the back of my trousers and underwear and kept going till he gropped my thingy.. ive briefly spoke about that once but didnt go into detail like i have just done.. ive been carrying that around for 10 years. People say im strong but im dragging myself through the days.. i want to continue living for my brother but at the same time its hard. Losing the will and still trying to respond to family..
No announcement yet.
Let's be real here.. (may be triggering)