I realised today that because I'm not entitled to help because I'm “fine”, things aren't going to be resolved; they're just going to sit being painful and unmanageable. I'm trying so hard to not destroy myself. I've stopped drinking to numb the pain and I'm trying to pretend I'm fine because maybe if I do that then I really will be but it's not working. I am really unhappy. I'm scared. I don't feel safe. I don't feel like I have a future anymore. Honestly, I want to be in hospital but I can't be. I don't know what else to say, I wanted to get everything out but I don't know how to, it's ended with me crying hysterically and feeling worse than I did before. I’m not well.
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