I suffered with depression on and off from the age of 12 till about March last year. It varied from staying in my bedroom for 2 weeks straight to a bit of self abusive behaviour through drink and drugs but in the end I thought I had it sussed and for the last year or so my life has been really good and I've felt fulfilled.
I've got a good full-time job that I've been at for a year, I've got an amazing boyfriend who's away on holiday at the moment, money is tight but I've got money to spend but the last week I feel like I've been lapsing back into old habits.
I felt ok yesterday and was all ready to go back to work this morning but ended up having a horrendous night's sleep with an earache and was sick a couple of times. I only got about an hour's sleep. Called in sick and then as soon as I did that I felt fine again and have just spent all day doing bugger all and feeling bored.
I sort of enjoy my job and I sort of don't. I'm good at what I do but I'm constantly chasing targets and because I've proved myself I've been given a load of extra responsibilities and have been told I'm in line for a promotion when I pass my driving test. But a lot of the time I dread going in because no matter how hard I work it all amounts to bugger all in the end. I've spoken to my managers about getting stressed and they've pretty much said, suck it up and leave any stress at work.
I WILL go back to work tomorrow, but I feel guilty that I've been off sick and I don't think I'm actually sick.
Is it normal to get these short spans of feeling down after long-term depression? I'm used to the full on, won't come out of my room for a month at a time depression but this seems a lot milder but at the same time I feel crappy.
I'm just a bit worried that it might be the start of a downward spiral again.