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  • Laura12345 needs support

    Laura has been through a lot, recently and not so recently, and she wanted to make a post about everything but didn't feel that she could. She's really struggling to go on. So I said I'd do it for her instead if she wanted. As much as this is for her, it's for me as well as I know I alone can't help her, and I want to get her help after everything she's done for me too. Hope you don't mind this, Laura.

    ​She was adopted when she was two. She can't remember her parents, but knows that one was alcoholic and one was mentally ill. She doesn't even know who they are, or where they are now. Obviously, around her birthday she thinks a lot about her birth parents, and I know it pains her a lot- not knowing where she comes doesn't help, and I think she feels inadequate because she thinks her parents abandoned her (though she won't ever admit it, this is just the feeling I get).
    There's another reason her birthday is hard.

    ​The day after her birthday will always be the anniversary of a car crash she was in after her 18th birthday. At the time, she was pregnant. Sadly, her unborn child didn't survive. It hurt me to hear this. I know it hurts her even more to tell me. She's the one who has to live through it though.
    The child doesn't have a grave.
    They don't even have a name.
    ​I think she's tortured every year by the thought of what could have become of her child. And I know she feels guilty and thinks it's her fault, though I've told her otherwise.
    ​I'll never understand it fully, but losing a child is THE worst pain I think anyone can feel, and it hurts her to bring it up, and she feels bad for keeping it from me. It's fine Laura . If anyone else knows what it's like and has been through it too, please post something or PM her. It's really difficult. And I feel like that's an understatement.

    Whilst she was pregnant then, she was also anorexic. It's why she feels it was her own fault. She's since been diagnosed with anorexia again. I'm worried about her. She's terrified about it though. She has to go to hospital every week to be force fed. She hates it. She hates the feeling afterwards of being full. But she can't help it. And she can't eat even a little without throwing up. I can't help her with this, I have a binge eating disorder, completely the opposite. It'd be great if anyone could help her with that too. It's a complicated illness, and 1 in every 5 times is a fatal one too, as I understand it.

    ​It's complicated by her anxiety and depression too, which just makes everything that much harder for her. Particularly with work, where it's scary to talk to managers and confront customers for hours on end. I know because I have severe depression and (unlike her) self harm often to cope with it, and have social phobia which is a type of anxiety.

    ​Just want to mention her cousin too, though you probably know about them because she posts about him. In case you don't know, he has cancer and is going through chemo to treat it. He's on his second round now I think, but having had relatives with cancer I know that even though chemo is bad, cancer is worse- although knowing that doesn't help. ​How can she be strong in front of her family whilst really she's in so much pain because she could lose her cousin?​ But also because of everything else.

    ​I know this is a very long post, and it was hard for me to write, but it would've been harder for Laura to write, so I did it for her. It isn't that she's lazy, it's just that she's finding it really, really hard at this time of year. She's says it's okay to PM her or to reply to this post if you can help her in any way, even if just to listen. Anyway, thanks for reading this, I've wanted to get this off of my chest and so has she.

    ​Thank you everyone

    ​Hope this is good enough for you Laura
    Last edited by Mike; 21-03-2017, 10:38 AM. Reason: Just removed some detail around specific weights/numbers
    SUCCESS is not final, FAILURE is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts

  • #2
    Hey Aidan,

    Thank you for sharing this. Laura is very strong to want to post this and it's great that she's opening up! This is what the forum is for and we can provide as much support and signpost her as best as possible. We aren't experts here s we can't give advice for things like depression etc... But we do have a few links which really help! Laura what you are going through seems very difficult, but you seem like such a strong individual and you should be insanely proud of yourself for opening up about such things! In the meantime someone at the mix may PM you to ask how you're doing as you may be more comfortable talking about things one on one perhaps! Otherwise for now here are some links where you can ask for help or speak to real experts who could help you at this hard time.

    And Aidan well done for doing this for Laura, you're a really good friend

    Here are some links which could help you:
    - http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can...you/contact-us
    - http://www.mind.org.uk/
    - http://childbereavementuk.org/ypag/

    Hope you're doing okay today and speak soon
    Drea

    Comment


    • #3
      That's a lot of links, I hope she finds something that works for her. And I do try to be a good friend, though I know it isnt my job to try and 'fix' anybody.

      Anyway, thank you very much for the reply.
      SUCCESS is not final, FAILURE is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey Aidan,

        Likewise! We are always here for a chat! Your wellbeing is important too so if you ever need anything do not hesitate to write a thread either

        Drea

        Comment


        • #5
          ​Hi Drea. Thanks for replying to this thread means a lot. It was hard to open up about things but I thought I needed to because it was taking over my life emotionally!!! thanks for saying u can offer some support and I know there is some things you cant help with but I appreciate all the help that you can. Thanks for the links I will have a look at them. Although it may seem like I'm a strong individual I am far from it too be honest. Yeh if someone at the mix can PM me then I would appreciate it as I would feel more comfortable talking about things one to one.

          ​Hi Aidan thank you so much for posting this for me it means a lot and I'm glad we have got some response!!! Aidan I'm always here for you too and as Drea said make sure you post anything if you have any issues.

          ​Thanks both for the help

          Comment


          • #6
            No problem Laura! There is a strong individual in every person and you definitely are! Posting your concerns on the threads can be daunting especially when you're having to re-live it sometimes by thinking about it is really hard but you managed to push through it all. That's the first sign of a strong individual! I will ask a supervisor asap to PM you. As it is a little late at the moment, they may not do it today but they will respond as soon as they can

            Hugs from Drea

            Comment


            • #7
              No problem Laura, glad to help! You owe me one now, my fingers hurt after that! Nah, just kidding, but thanks for saying you'd help me if I needed it too.

              Hi Drea, I know my wellbeing's important too, I'll probably have something to say about it tomorrow after I see my counselor. They want an emergency meeting, they aren't too happy at the drinking or the self-harm. I'm probably in trouble, but ah well. My body, my choice and whatnot.

              Actually, I might take the p**s and get Laura to write it, sorry Laura.

              Anyway, thanks a lot, and glad to have been helpful for once
              Last edited by The Mix; 21-03-2017, 12:02 PM. Reason: Removed some detail
              SUCCESS is not final, FAILURE is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts

              Comment


              • #8
                Hey Aidan,
                Unfortunately I won't be around tomorrow but I will be this time next week so I will make sure I pop back up to see how you're doing! Hope it all goes well! Remember they are all there to help you
                Drea

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Drea. Thanks for saying I'm strong although I don't think I am. Yeh I just felt I needed to express whats going on for me at the moment and with some things hopefully it will encourage others to speak out more about any concerns. Thanks for that and it doesn't matter if its not tonight just get someone to PM me when they can. Thanks for that x

                  ​Hi Aidan. It has helped by you posting this as I knew I couldn't bring myself to post it. Always here for you Aidan. Even if Drea isn't able to help you tomorrow after you have seen your counsellor you know I will help. You can make me write it if you want, I owe you one. You have always helped me Aidan.

                  Comment

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