She was adopted when she was two. She can't remember her parents, but knows that one was alcoholic and one was mentally ill. She doesn't even know who they are, or where they are now. Obviously, around her birthday she thinks a lot about her birth parents, and I know it pains her a lot- not knowing where she comes doesn't help, and I think she feels inadequate because she thinks her parents abandoned her (though she won't ever admit it, this is just the feeling I get).
There's another reason her birthday is hard.
The day after her birthday will always be the anniversary of a car crash she was in after her 18th birthday. At the time, she was pregnant. Sadly, her unborn child didn't survive. It hurt me to hear this. I know it hurts her even more to tell me. She's the one who has to live through it though.
The child doesn't have a grave.
They don't even have a name.
I think she's tortured every year by the thought of what could have become of her child. And I know she feels guilty and thinks it's her fault, though I've told her otherwise.
I'll never understand it fully, but losing a child is THE worst pain I think anyone can feel, and it hurts her to bring it up, and she feels bad for keeping it from me. It's fine Laura . If anyone else knows what it's like and has been through it too, please post something or PM her. It's really difficult. And I feel like that's an understatement.
Whilst she was pregnant then, she was also anorexic. It's why she feels it was her own fault. She's since been diagnosed with anorexia again. I'm worried about her. She's terrified about it though. She has to go to hospital every week to be force fed. She hates it. She hates the feeling afterwards of being full. But she can't help it. And she can't eat even a little without throwing up. I can't help her with this, I have a binge eating disorder, completely the opposite. It'd be great if anyone could help her with that too. It's a complicated illness, and 1 in every 5 times is a fatal one too, as I understand it.
It's complicated by her anxiety and depression too, which just makes everything that much harder for her. Particularly with work, where it's scary to talk to managers and confront customers for hours on end. I know because I have severe depression and (unlike her) self harm often to cope with it, and have social phobia which is a type of anxiety.
Just want to mention her cousin too, though you probably know about them because she posts about him. In case you don't know, he has cancer and is going through chemo to treat it. He's on his second round now I think, but having had relatives with cancer I know that even though chemo is bad, cancer is worse- although knowing that doesn't help. How can she be strong in front of her family whilst really she's in so much pain because she could lose her cousin? But also because of everything else.
I know this is a very long post, and it was hard for me to write, but it would've been harder for Laura to write, so I did it for her. It isn't that she's lazy, it's just that she's finding it really, really hard at this time of year. She's says it's okay to PM her or to reply to this post if you can help her in any way, even if just to listen. Anyway, thanks for reading this, I've wanted to get this off of my chest and so has she.
Thank you everyone
Hope this is good enough for you Laura