Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Automated Mental Health Hotline (joke)

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Automated Mental Health Hotline (joke)

    Machine at Mental Hospital





    "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline..."
    * If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
    repeatedly.

    * If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
    press 2 for you.

    * If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5,
    and 6.

    * If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
    you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    * If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will
    be transferred to the mother ship.

    * If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
    small voice will tell you which number to press.

    * If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
    which number you press; no one will answer.

    * If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name,
    address, telephone number, date of birth, social
    security number, and your mother's maiden name.

    * If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
    message after the beep or before the beep or after the
    beep. Please wait
    for the beep.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    * If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All
    of
    our operators are too busy to talk to you.

    * If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan,
    lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

    * If you are blonde, please don't press any buttons;
    you'll just mess it up.

  • #2
    even though you are a brainwashed young american pissinthepot... you do make me laugh. i do like you, despite the crap you come out with in the polotics forum, or is it because of the crap? your not gonna take shit laying down.... that i do like.

    (_________________________O_______________________ __)

    woman goes to the antique road show and slaps a used tampon on the table. "tell me which period that came from you clever cunt!"

    Comment


    • #3
      LOL,
      sorry to be pedantic though, but arent manic depression and bi-polar disorder the same thing????

      Comment


      • #4
        Hehehe, very good :D

        *Although, I have seen it before*
        Eat well, stay fit - Die anyway

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by rainbow brite
          LOL,
          sorry to be pedantic though, but arent manic depression and bi-polar disorder the same thing????
          Ya! That's what I thought too! Learn something new every day I 'spose!

          Still a good joke though!
          "The heart has its own reasons, which the mind cannot understand."-osho.com
          PositivePain hosts BASHFUL PARTIES

          Comment


          • #6
            I knew you liked me MR.

            And they could be the same thing seeings as I don't know what either is.

            Comment


            • #7
              Still chuckling at that one... very good! Any more where they came from??

              Comment


              • #8
                I love that joke and the tampon one! LMFAO!:D
                *~Don't you just hate it when that happens?~*

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Automated Mental Health Hotline (joke)

                  Originally posted by pnjsurferpoet
                  * If you are blonde, please don't press any buttons;
                  you'll just mess it up.
                  that's the best bit!
                  I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter

                  Comment

                  Hide this page

                  Local Advice Finder

                  Find local services

                  TheSite.org is delivered by YouthNet UK. Registered charity number: 1048995

                  Working...
                  X

                  A short TheSite survey: to help us help you

                  Hi there! Please take a minute to answer this short survey. The information you give us will only be used to help us better understand our users and improve our services. The survey is anonymous. Thank you for helping us out.

                  Click to take the survey >