Nobody is as happy as their facebook would suggest they are....!!
all facebook shows you is what people want to show you. You very rarely see the crap people go through, and instead you see all the wonderful photo's and statuses. It's a bit deceiving when looking at a snapshot of peoples lives.
My rant: I think I am falling again. I feel like I am loosing control of the things I had control over.
For example, it seems like I am in a constant battle with my parents even though I've moved out. They are negative about 95% of what I do/think. I just want them to support me instead.
I feel like my boyfriend sometimes makes things worse. But I know the problem is me and my stupid head. I self harmed a bit yesterday for the first time in ages.
"The planet is fine.... the people are fucked. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great."
Everyone on my facebook is saying how awesome the body painting I did at college looks. But what they can't see is the cracking paint because I did it too thickly, and how messy the fine detail is. The house is a total mess, and my mother is back tomorrow. I feel like crap and need to go to the doctors about lower chest/upper tummy pain everytime I'm doing almost anything. I want to spend some time with friends, but I don't really have many and the ones I do have are scattered accross the country. And most of all I am sick and tired of searching for somewhere else to live and having to deal with my shit of a landlady and all of the bits and bobs that are falling apart today - like the outside tap breaking 10 mins before I needed to be out the door this morning, and then having to find the stopcock and then having to find something to turn it off with because it had no tap...
ITS NOT FAIR!
Life is a hard race
Its an uphill battle
Like being shackled to a rock, struggling up the mountain
But the elation at the top of every peak
Is worth all the heart ache and every tear
people dragging up ancient threads is really getting on my wick
I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.