Lawyer Jokes

[Guest]

what is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?



one is a scum sucking bottom feeder...



and the other one is a fish!!!!

[Guest]

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

Three

one to turn the bulb
one to shake him off the ladder
one to sue the ladder company

[Guest]

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 10?

A lawyer.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 15?

Your honor.

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What do you call a judge gone bad?

Senator.

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A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

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The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer.

"I can arrange some things for you" the devil said.

"I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment and asked

"What's the catch?"

[Indrid Cold]

A lawyer had just won a trial, so he was happy. He unlocked his car, got in, and put his hand on the door to pull it close. Just then, a truck passed by and hit the door, tearing it off the car. The lawyer was pissed off and called the police. A couple of minutes later, a policeman was there to take his statement.
The lawyer was enraged and shouting: "Look what they did to my car! A brand new BMW! I'm going to sue them! I'm going to give them the death penalty! They'll pay for what they did to my car!"
The policeman frowned and said "You lawyers are such materialists. You care so much about your car and I doubt you've even noticed that half your arm was torn off along with the door!"
Indeed, the lawyer looked at his arm and saw that it ended in a bloody mess at the elbow. He was absolutely shocked and shouted "Oh my God, no! No! Where the hell is my rolex???"

[Teh_Gerbil]

I only know one and it involves Jews, and may be interpreted by some as being Anti-semetic. Will I get punished for it? Or can I tell it?

[Guest]

I only know one and it involves Jews, and may be interpreted by some as being Anti-semetic. Will I get punished for it? Or can I tell it?

Just tell if it is just a joke after all...