Staying together for the sake of the kids?

[Guest]

In my opinion it really depends on what the environment provided at home is like. I think if a couple don't love each other anymore, but can still live together in harmony then it might bebest to stay for the kids...

But if there is a lot of tension it might be best to split up the family as kids will be affected by the tension between the parents...

My parents split up when I was 3 and I know that my mum would have stay with my dad because I was there even so he was and still is a cheating cunt. I am glad she they did split up tho, my mum had a lot of guilt because of it tho...

At the end I am 100% sure that my step-dad bring me up better than my dad could have ever done and probably help me be a better person...

But then again my dad is a irresponsible ass hole and even so he is twice my age I am more responsible that he is and ever was and I owe all of that to my step-dad...

Anyway, kind of went ranting about my dad a bit here... But...

What's your opinion on it? Should parents stay together for the sake of the kid(s)?

[Tweety]

No they shouldn't as from experience its the kids that are suffering as the parents argue lots etc.

[Guest]

No they shouldn't as from experience its the kids that are suffering as the parents argue lots etc.

Yes but if the parents don't argue and live in harmony, when love is gone it doesn't always mean you hate the other one, don't you think it might be best for the kids?

[Tweety]

Kids aren't stupid, they will feel the love isn't there and will grow up to think that its "normal" to be with someone without the love and i don't think it is.

[Guest]

Kids aren't stupid, they will feel the love isn't there and will grow up to think that its "normal" to be with someone without the love and i don't think it is.

Good point.

[mystifymysoul]

I don't think they should stay together. I mean obviously it is highly dependent upon the different situations. But if a kid experiences their parents separation/divorce, despite it being a horrible experience, it will prepare them for later life. They will probably understand more about relationships and making them work and also will know more about how to deal with their own divorce if it occurs.

[littlemidgetsarah]

My parents split up before I can remember as I was only a few months old and I am glad that they did split up. I am lucky in the fact that they are perfectly civil to each other now and buy each other, and each other's families christmas pressies etc but both are remarried and everyone gets on. I guess if they hadn't split up and stayed together for me and my older brother, it would be very different. They would probably not get on at all and would create a horrible atmosphere for everyone and no one would be happy. Because they divorced and moved on etc then everyone is happy.

This is not the same for everyone though and does depend very much on the situation. My Mum is now having another affair and if my stepdad found out and they decided to split up and he was to move out it would have a far worse effect. My mum wouldn't be able to afford to keep the house/car (which she needs for her job) and live comfortably and as the guy she is having an affair with is disabled, lives ina small council house and is dying then he couldn't support her and my younger half sister. But then if my stepdad did stay and he knew about it, living in the house would be hell for everyone but especially me or my siblings.

[_guest]

In my opinion it really depends on what the environment provided at home is like. I think if a couple don't love each other anymore, but can still live together in harmony then it might bebest to stay for the kids...

But if there is a lot of tension it might be best to split up the family as kids will be affected by the tension between the parents...

I agree.

My parents aren't "in love", I wouldn't say...but they still care about each other and have almost 40 years of shared history (and investments, ha). Neither of them wants to be with someone else, they have a very comfortable lifestyle that they've worked incredibly hard for and yes...it's probably more trouble than it's worth for them to split at this point.

They probably did stay together for the children, if they'd been childless I'm sure they'd be off travelling the world, living on a commune...god knows, since they'd have saved so much money. I don't think it has impacted me negatively at all - growing up without my parents being "lovey dovey" (though they are very occasionally) and in fact I'd go as far as to say it's given me a far more practical outlook on the responsibilities that come hand in hand with all the romance etc. Marriages end in divorce, it's a fact and I'd never judge anyone who got divorced (in fact, in many situations I'd be more inclined to pat them on the back and commend their good judgement) but a lot of people go into a marriage these days with the attitude "oh, we can always get divorced".

Another note on my parents' circumstances is that I reckon my Dad wouldn't be able to cope if my mum upped sticks and left, but I also know that she doesn't believe in getting a divorce unless there is some mitigating factor like spousal abuse, dishonesty, infidelity etc. So, I think they'll be together until they're old and grey/one of them pops their clogs. ;)

[Mad Mac]

absolutely not imo.
my mum stayed with my dad for 30 years for the sake of me and my brother.she left him for another man when i was 21,but that was far too late as far as i'm concerned.
i had to witness my mum being desperately unhappy for as far back as i can remember.
my older brother had alot more years of it than i did,and i believe it has left him permanently scarred for life.

if my mum had have left him,then me and my brother would never have had both our noses broken in our early teens by my violent alcoholic dad.we would never have had to see our mum get beaten up,and would never have had to see the endless streams of tears when she found out he had cheated once again.

kids need to see a happy loving relationship between two adults,that have respect for each other.pretending for the kids is just not on imo.
kids are not stupid,and what they see in their formative years is what will shape the adult.
my case is a bad one,but there still needs to be love in the house imo

[wooooooooah]

No way. I can't imagine how bad my life would be now if my parents had stayed together...as it is, I have two sets of parents who both love me and treat me well, and I wouldn't change it for anything.

[SuzyCreamcheese]

no way. Everyone deserves to be happy and have love, even if they have children.
Children can adapt and thrive in stepfamilies or even with single parents.

[littlemidgetsarah]

absolutely not imo.
my mum stayed with my dad for 30 years for the sake of me and my brother.she left him for another man when i was 21,but that was far too late as far as i'm concerned.
i had to witness my mum being desperately unhappy for as far back as i can remember.
my older brother had alot more years of it than i did,and i believe it has left him permanently scarred for life.

if my mum had have left him,then me and my brother would never have had both our noses broken in our early teens by my violent alcoholic dad.we would never have had to see our mum get beaten up,and would never have had to see the endless streams of tears when she found out he had cheated once again.

kids need to see a happy loving relationship between two adults,that have respect for each other.pretending for the kids is just not on imo.
kids are not stupid,and what they see in their formative years is what will shape the adult.
my case is a bad one,but there still needs to be love in the house imo

I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you and your family. I think that you are dead right about kids needing to see happy and loving relationships etc

[stargalaxy]

I'm not a parent of a child, I should declare that first. However, I was going out with a single mum for a while last year. The relationship wasn't working, entirely my fault. For the sake of her kid, we decided not to tell him. Far as he was concerned, we were still together. I'm not going into details here, but late last year, there was an accident and he died. Me and her still feel guilty about lying to him in such a way.

All I would say is, whatever you do decide, don't lie to the kids about any decision.

[Guest]

I'm not a parent of a child, I should declare that first. However, I was going out with a single mum for a while last year. The relationship wasn't working, entirely my fault. For the sake of her kid, we decided not to tell him. Far as he was concerned, we were still together. I'm not going into details here, but late last year, there was an accident and he died. Me and her still feel guilty about lying to him in such a way.

All I would say is, whatever you do decide, don't lie to the kids about any decision.

I'm sorry to hear that he died, it is really sad, but at the end don't you think it's better it didn't get hurt by the fact you were not together anymore before he passed? At least his feelings were not hurt before the accident, which probably let him enjoy his last moments with less worries and stress. Really sorry he died, it's awful when the kids go first, it should be the other way around...

[stargalaxy]

I'm sorry to hear that he died, it is really sad, but at the end don't you think it's better it didn't get hurt by the fact you were not together anymore before he passed? At least his feelings were not hurt before the accident, which probably let him enjoy his last moments with less worries and stress. That's why we made the decision. His father had died several years before, and several blokes had come and gone since. I didn't want to do that to him yet again. But yet I still feel guilty we lied.Really sorry he died, it's awful when the kids go first, it should be the other way around...As his mum has said every single day since it happened. :crying:

[Guest]

That's why we made the decision. His father had died several years before, and several blokes had come and gone since. I didn't want to do that to him yet again. But yet I still feel guilty we lied.As his mum has said every single day since it happened. :crying:

I know we had differences in the past, mainly opinions and personality based, but I have to say you are a good man stargalaxy...

[stargalaxy]

I know we had differences in the past, mainly opinions and personality based, but I have to say you are a good man stargalaxy... What differences? All due respect, I can't even remember! :p

All I thought of, "well, he's seen all these blokes disappearing out of his life. Do I really want to see him growing up thinking he can treat women and kids in the same way?". At times, I effectively felt I was his father. I never thought I could get so attached to someone else's child.

[Guest]

What differences? All due respect, I can't even remember! :p

Frankly I don't remember for say what either and hey, who cares ;)

All I thought of, "well, he's seen all these blokes disappearing out of his life. Do I really want to see him growing up thinking he can treat women and kids in the same way?". At times, I effectively felt I was his father. I never thought I could get so attached to someone else's child.

I know what you mean by that, I love SCC kid like a son and did straight away, I would do anything in my power to protect him of aything that could hurt him physically and mentally. Tbh I would give my life for him without an instant of doubt...

You are right about the fact that for him seeing his mum with blokes that just come and go would have give him a bad example of what relationship are supposed to be...

Some blokes just don't care about other people kids even if they are involved with their mum, I think it's just wrong, if they don't want to have a kids to take care of and they know they can't love them, then they should leave single mother alone as the mum and the kids deserve better...

Some blokes just have no morals and are way to selfish unfortunatly...

[stargalaxy]

Some blokes just don't care about other people kids even if they are involved with their mum, I think it's just wrong, if they don't want to have a kids to take care of and they know they can't love them, then they should leave single mother alone as the mum and the kids deserve better. Some blokes just have no morals and are way to selfish unfortunately...It was made clear to me that, if I wanted a relationship with "Miss X", I would have to accept her son as well. I met him, quite nervously, and things went extremely well. I fell in love with him there and then. I never thought I could relate to a six-year old child, but we got on far better than I could ever have expected.

I also had to bear in mind that some of the guys he'd seen before had treated her quite violently. Did I really want him thinking he could walk in and out again, tearing apart families and hurting people in his midst? Frankly, no. We made the decision not to tell him. Truth is, all we wanted for him was stability. I'd have practically adopted him as a son if I could have.

[Guest]

I am glad that he had at least a bit of stability and happiness before he passed away...

[stargalaxy]

I am glad that he had at least a bit of stability and happiness before he passed away... Me too.