bluewisdom
30-03-2006, 07:47 AM
Hi everyone. This is a long story, so I'll break it up in pieces.
Chapter 1 - the beginning: I met this guy when I was 18. We were best friends for 2 years, until he declared that he liked me as more than a friend. At that time I didn't correspond his feelings, but nevertheless after a few months we continued being friends.
Chapter 2 - falling in love: from ages 20 to 21. During this year, our friendship grew closer and closer, and tbh, the boundaries of friendship and being a couple were somewhat blurred. We never kissed, but acted like a couple in pretty much every other way, sharing a certain complicity if you know what I mean. We share a large group of friends, and all of them kept teasing us as to when were we going to start going out, etc. What I felt at that time was that he was the most important person of my life, that he new me better than anyone, that he'd always be there for me no matter what, I admired the hell out of him, and I trusted him completely - but - that I wasn't attracted to him in a sexual way. (I was kidding myself, I know). Eventually things got to a point where it was obvious we had to move on to being a couple... and I panicked. I totally freaked and brushed him away completely.
Chapter 3 - realising it: from ages 21-23 I still saw a lot of him (we share lots of common activities and friends), but there was understandably a lot of distance between us, as I had left him hurt and not understanding what had happened. When I was 23 I started going to therapy (for other reasons) and eventually we got round to talking about him. And thanks to my therapist I was -only then- able to understand what had happened to me during our friendship together: I had been totally and completely in love with him (and still was), but I had never been able to admit it to myself because I was too scared of what it meant. Well, I was so incredibly overwhelmed by the power of the feelings I had just discovered and had been keeping repressed all that time, that I went and told him everything. Yup, just like that, out of the blue, I confessed everything I had felt and was feeling.
Chapter 4 - moving on: Needless to say, it was a great shock to him, he wasn't expecting it at all, and while he was fairly cool about it, he said that his feelings for me had subsided a long time ago. It was too late for me. So of course, I was completely shattered. But really had nothing more to do than pick the pieces of my broken heart and get on with life. After that he started acting distant and cold towards me, and I could tell he was uncomfortable around me. I also tried to stay as far away from him as possible to be able to get over my feelings for him and just move on. This was from ages 23 to 26. During these years, though, he began developing feelings for my best mate (they were also good friends between themselves), and he confessed how he felt for her, but she didn't feel the same way about him, so nothing happened. After this he finally found a gf but ended it after 6 months because he really wasn't into her.
Chapter 5 - The present : age 26. As much as i have tried staying apart from him, circumstances in life just seem to bring us together again and again. And finally, after 3 years, he began to change towards me and he finally relaxed, and he's treating me like a good friend again, which is great. But, at the same time, I get the impression that he really isn't over my friend, I can tell by the way he acts around her and how he looks at her. And in spite of having rejected him once she seems to really be enjoying the attention, which is killing me. But is this really happening or is this just my imagination, my own jealousy playing tricks on me? (My mate knows all my history with this guy, but I don't think she's aware of her own behaviour). So now 2 things have happened: I realise I'm not entirely over him (I'm beginning to think I'll never be)... and i live in constant fear that he and my best mate will end up together... I can cope with him finding another gf, but just not my best mate! That I really really couldn't cope with.
Chapter 6 -the future. Please, please, any advice as to what to do? I think I have enough strength to do whatever is best for me, I just don't know what it is, I don't know in which direction to start walking. I have assumed by now that he will never be indifferent to me, and I can truly say he has been the love of my life. I would be ready to marry him. I'd love to have his children, to grow old together. I just know him too well to not want this. Do I try to seduce him all over again? Do you think I've got any chance after all this? A small part of me still feels I've got a chance, is it stupid to hope? Is it stupid to cling to that hope? On the other hand, if I try to forget about him forever, should I cut him off completely in order to achieve it? In order to cut him off I feel I would have to slice half of my life off as well, as ours are so closely knit together. This would be incredibly hard to do, as I love my life and the people who are in it. Do I do nothing and just watch from the sidelines how he looks at my best mate?
What do you do when you have been in love with someone for 6 years?
What I'm also really scared about is, if things don't work out with him, will I ever feel this strongly about anyone else? I'm afraid I never will :crying:
Chapter 1 - the beginning: I met this guy when I was 18. We were best friends for 2 years, until he declared that he liked me as more than a friend. At that time I didn't correspond his feelings, but nevertheless after a few months we continued being friends.
Chapter 2 - falling in love: from ages 20 to 21. During this year, our friendship grew closer and closer, and tbh, the boundaries of friendship and being a couple were somewhat blurred. We never kissed, but acted like a couple in pretty much every other way, sharing a certain complicity if you know what I mean. We share a large group of friends, and all of them kept teasing us as to when were we going to start going out, etc. What I felt at that time was that he was the most important person of my life, that he new me better than anyone, that he'd always be there for me no matter what, I admired the hell out of him, and I trusted him completely - but - that I wasn't attracted to him in a sexual way. (I was kidding myself, I know). Eventually things got to a point where it was obvious we had to move on to being a couple... and I panicked. I totally freaked and brushed him away completely.
Chapter 3 - realising it: from ages 21-23 I still saw a lot of him (we share lots of common activities and friends), but there was understandably a lot of distance between us, as I had left him hurt and not understanding what had happened. When I was 23 I started going to therapy (for other reasons) and eventually we got round to talking about him. And thanks to my therapist I was -only then- able to understand what had happened to me during our friendship together: I had been totally and completely in love with him (and still was), but I had never been able to admit it to myself because I was too scared of what it meant. Well, I was so incredibly overwhelmed by the power of the feelings I had just discovered and had been keeping repressed all that time, that I went and told him everything. Yup, just like that, out of the blue, I confessed everything I had felt and was feeling.
Chapter 4 - moving on: Needless to say, it was a great shock to him, he wasn't expecting it at all, and while he was fairly cool about it, he said that his feelings for me had subsided a long time ago. It was too late for me. So of course, I was completely shattered. But really had nothing more to do than pick the pieces of my broken heart and get on with life. After that he started acting distant and cold towards me, and I could tell he was uncomfortable around me. I also tried to stay as far away from him as possible to be able to get over my feelings for him and just move on. This was from ages 23 to 26. During these years, though, he began developing feelings for my best mate (they were also good friends between themselves), and he confessed how he felt for her, but she didn't feel the same way about him, so nothing happened. After this he finally found a gf but ended it after 6 months because he really wasn't into her.
Chapter 5 - The present : age 26. As much as i have tried staying apart from him, circumstances in life just seem to bring us together again and again. And finally, after 3 years, he began to change towards me and he finally relaxed, and he's treating me like a good friend again, which is great. But, at the same time, I get the impression that he really isn't over my friend, I can tell by the way he acts around her and how he looks at her. And in spite of having rejected him once she seems to really be enjoying the attention, which is killing me. But is this really happening or is this just my imagination, my own jealousy playing tricks on me? (My mate knows all my history with this guy, but I don't think she's aware of her own behaviour). So now 2 things have happened: I realise I'm not entirely over him (I'm beginning to think I'll never be)... and i live in constant fear that he and my best mate will end up together... I can cope with him finding another gf, but just not my best mate! That I really really couldn't cope with.
Chapter 6 -the future. Please, please, any advice as to what to do? I think I have enough strength to do whatever is best for me, I just don't know what it is, I don't know in which direction to start walking. I have assumed by now that he will never be indifferent to me, and I can truly say he has been the love of my life. I would be ready to marry him. I'd love to have his children, to grow old together. I just know him too well to not want this. Do I try to seduce him all over again? Do you think I've got any chance after all this? A small part of me still feels I've got a chance, is it stupid to hope? Is it stupid to cling to that hope? On the other hand, if I try to forget about him forever, should I cut him off completely in order to achieve it? In order to cut him off I feel I would have to slice half of my life off as well, as ours are so closely knit together. This would be incredibly hard to do, as I love my life and the people who are in it. Do I do nothing and just watch from the sidelines how he looks at my best mate?
What do you do when you have been in love with someone for 6 years?
What I'm also really scared about is, if things don't work out with him, will I ever feel this strongly about anyone else? I'm afraid I never will :crying: