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View Full Version : Uncle & Niece - Limits?



Crystal Tipps
14-02-2006, 09:37 AM
My friend is 27. His niece (his, much older, half brother's daughter) is 16. They've always had a close uncle/niece relationship - he's always been the one who's hand she's held as they've gone on family outings as she's been growing up and now they often share a sofa, leaning on each other when watching tv or a film.

Just lately, she seems to have 'taken a shine to him' in a different manner, and has kissed him several times as they've been watching tv and once when she went into his room to wake him up. Thing is, he's not exactly stopped her immediately either..

I've told him time and time again that it's wrong (isn't it?!) and that he wouldn't live much longer if his brother found out, but he still won't stop seeing her. I've told him to distant himself from her etc etc.

Any more advice or thoughts? :( I need something to make him see sense!!

Click to see more
14-02-2006, 10:03 AM
It's probably just a crush. He should nip it in the bud though...

Miffy
14-02-2006, 10:09 AM
That's covered by something called forbidden degrees of relationship and I'm sure he'd be in a lot of shit if it came to light. Basically it's illegal.

stargalaxy
14-02-2006, 11:13 AM
Nothing wrong with an uncle or niece holding hands, or maybe kissing each other on the cheek every now and then. But there are limits, and if they haven't been crossed already, they are periliously close to doing so.

Crystal Tipps
14-02-2006, 11:45 AM
That's covered by something called forbidden degrees of relationship... Basically it's illegal.

Ah ha, thank you! I thought it must have a name or something!


..kissing each other on the cheek..

Oh yes, it was more than just on the cheek!

stargalaxy
14-02-2006, 11:52 AM
Oh yes, it was more than just on the cheek! Now that is definitely crossing the line.

Jon_UK
14-02-2006, 11:52 AM
ewwww! :yuck:

Sorry ... I have nothing constructive to say :p

katralla
14-02-2006, 12:15 PM
It is officially incest, because of what Miff said.

myhumps
14-02-2006, 12:35 PM
Oh dear God, this is just awful and creepy and sick! I'm sorry for being such a child about it but it creeps me out.

Yep its incest, she is a blood relative after all, hell I wouldn't even act like that with my non-blood relatives.

:yuck:

katralla
14-02-2006, 12:38 PM
well, it's not as simple as blood-relatives. Incest extends to step-families in sme circumstances but not to cousins.

myhumps
14-02-2006, 12:43 PM
R u sure? I always thought it was only incest if you were blood related because I'm sure you can marry your step brother etc.

Oh well, its all a bit creepy to me. x

.
14-02-2006, 12:56 PM
R u sure? I always thought it was only incest if you were blood related because I'm sure you can marry your step brother etc.

Oh well, its all a bit creepy to me. x

I don't think you can marry them/have a relationship if you have lived together when you were younger as brother and sister, but say your parents split up and remarried when you were like 20 or something and you just happend to take a shine to your parents parteners kid, thats all legal and what not, but i'm not 100% sure.

**helen**
14-02-2006, 01:36 PM
R u sure? I always thought it was only incest if you were blood related because I'm sure you can marry your step brother etc.

Oh well, its all a bit creepy to me. x

Here's TheSite's lowdown on fancying a family member (http://www.thesite.org.uk/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/family/fancyingafamilymember).

lausie
14-02-2006, 01:56 PM
R u sure? I always thought it was only incest if you were blood related because I'm sure you can marry your step brother etc.
x

It is incest because its "half" uncle and not "step" uncle.
Basically "half"uncle means the two brothers share 1 parent. A "step" uncle would mean the two brothers would instead mean 1 parents from each married.
So, half uncle means they are blood related.

Walkindude
14-02-2006, 01:58 PM
half brother eh? hmmmm I guess there is some blood there.

its interesting as a woman I know who I talk to on the next had sex with her uncle and another girl on a confessions website admitted to sleeping with her uncle. In these cases they thought it wa sok, tho they did both keep it secret obviously as it was taboo and family wouldnt approve.

The whole thing about incest is weird. I mean in the case of biological reproduction its worng, because it produces deftective offspring. Although we are always being told nowadays that sex isn't about or just about reproduction.

religion dictated alot of our sexual taboos, although interestingly in the Bible, incest between father and daughter goes unpunished.

the girl is 16, legal age and the guy is 27, big age gap but not like he's an old man and plenty of people on here hav ebeen champoining big age gaps.

I guess its their decision although legally I am sure it probably is illegal.

I dont agree with the new law that makes relations between step bors/sis illegal mind.

myhumps
14-02-2006, 02:10 PM
It is incest because its "half" uncle and not "step" uncle.
Basically "half"uncle means the two brothers share 1 parent. A "step" uncle would mean the two brothers would instead mean 1 parents from each married.
So, half uncle means they are blood related.

Yeah I know, thats what I was saying. I was going off topic a bit because of something katralla said, I just never thought of incest as being non-blood relatives too.

I read the link Helen posted and it seems in some circumstances 'steps' are out of bounds too, see I learn something new every day here!lol.

But like I said before I just can't imagine get kinky with any family members, step, half, or full blood anyway. :yuck:

Randomgirl
14-02-2006, 05:43 PM
well, it's not as simple as blood-relatives. Incest extends to step-families in sme circumstances but not to cousins.
I've read this vague "in some cases" before and have tried to look it up without much luck. Does anybody know the actual law of which step-relatives are illegal?

Click to see more
14-02-2006, 05:53 PM
I don't think it is as simple as a straight line. It depends on whether they have grown up in the same household, as brother and sister. What age they were when introduced, etc, etc.

Miffy
14-02-2006, 07:48 PM
I've read this vague "in some cases" before and have tried to look it up without much luck. Does anybody know the actual law of which step-relatives are illegal?


Step-relatives may marry provided they are at least 21 years of age. The younger of the couple must at no time before the age of 18 have lived in the same household as the older person. Neither must they have been treated as a child of the older person's family.

talia
14-02-2006, 08:30 PM
I dont agree with the new law that makes relations between step bors/sis illegal mind.

Uhoh :nervous:

Randomgirl
14-02-2006, 09:03 PM
I dont agree with the new law that makes relations between step bors/sis illegal mind.
I'm not sure if I agree with it or not to be honest. I wonder why it was passed.

Some people never truely accept their step relatives as being relatives and therefore it makes sense that they could marry.

But then sometimes things are just weird and stuff with step-brothers and sisters. With my step-brother he wanted me in that way and thought that us not being blood relatives made it okay. But until then I had thought of him as my brother. It confused me the whole situation really.

Crystal Tipps
15-02-2006, 08:27 AM
I just read the link Helen posted (thanks!). The CAB page reads ".. men may not marry.. [long list].. half brother's daughter".

Obviously marriage doesn't actually come into it, but it still gives me proof that the whole thing's wrong!

Randomgirl
15-02-2006, 12:28 PM
I just read the link Helen posted (thanks!). The CAB page reads ".. men may not marry.. [long list].. half brother's daughter".

Obviously marriage doesn't actually come into it, but it still gives me proof that the whole thing's wrong!
Great-grandfather isn't on the list though :shocking:

And it is okay to marry your adoptive brothers and sisters (which is surprising given the step-brother/ step-sister laws as you would think the same logic applies)

ShyBoy
15-02-2006, 12:33 PM
regardless of the legality, she's his brothers daughter, and he should treat her like a niece and not a girlfriend!!

Walkindude
15-02-2006, 01:48 PM
Well there no blood there so I se eno probs with step siblings.

We all live in incest risk society.

I mean how many millions of anyomous sperm donation shas there been and anyomous adoptions?? How do you or anyone know i fthey could be getting it on with a relative?

take me. My mums biological father left when she was young and we never stayed in touch with his family. Last year or the year before my granmother did get back in touch with them and we met my mothers father, his brother and his son. My grandfathers, brothers son told me that I have hundres of cousins all over leeds and the uk. Now due to some incidences we have no lost touch aain with that side of the family.

But I could go out on the town or wherever, pull g agirl or even fall for her and be having a relationship with ehr and she might be my cousin. I wouldnt know at all.

Its all a risk.

Wasn't there an epidsode of Kilroy where they did blood relations having relationships??

Incest is taboo but I rekcon its more common then people think.

Ballerina
15-02-2006, 06:13 PM
i read in a newspaper problem section the other day....about a women in her 30s who had a baby boy when she was 15 and gave it up for adoption. When he was 18 he found her and they had an incest relationship and have a baby together, and were hoping for another one!
Are they not tightly wrapped? Fair enough he may not feel like a son....but he is! And 15 years younger...just :no: :yuck:

Sofie
15-02-2006, 06:18 PM
i read in a newspaper problem section the other day....about a women in her 30s who had a baby boy when she was 15 and gave it up for adoption. When he was 18 he found her and they had an incest relationship and have a baby together, and were hoping for another one!
Are they not tightly wrapped? Fair enough he may not feel like a son....but he is! And 15 years younger...just :no: :yuck:

If you're on about the article I think you're talking about - didn't they get done for this or something?

That's just sick and wrong - I wonder how many of their relatives are talking to them now...

Ballerina
15-02-2006, 06:26 PM
If you're on about the article I think you're talking about - didn't they get done for this or something?

That's just sick and wrong - I wonder how many of their relatives are talking to them now...
i don't know, it was in the problems page near the back where people write into the agony aunt

my name
15-02-2006, 06:29 PM
Wasn't their first kid handicapped, and they still want another? or is that a myth.

Kermit
15-02-2006, 07:02 PM
There was a fascinating article about this in today's Metro.

It's not sick, but it is wrong and it is illegal. It's often found, two people feel very close to each other because of being relations, and when in the adult this feeling can often be interpreted as sexual because for most adults intimacy = sex.

If you haven't lived as family, then natural barriers to incest are not formed in the brain. So when you meet someone who is very similar to you, you like them and want to be intimate with them, and that feeling can be interpreted as sexual. People often fancy people who look like them, and who looks more like you than family?

He does need to keep away from her until it passes, if he cannot trust himself to not do something he would regret for a very very long time. It's not really his fault, its not her fault, and it is understandable, but it cannot be allowed to happen.

AConfusedState
15-02-2006, 08:26 PM
Now thats just nasty, the pervy uncle should stop it right away....you should tell someone in the family, eugh.

Kermit
15-02-2006, 08:55 PM
the pervy uncle

It doesn't sound like the niece is exactly a sweet innocent victim, truth be told.

The uncle should stop it as he's older, but saying "eew, pervy uncle" is something a 13-year-old Sun copywriter would be ashamed of.

Walkindude
16-02-2006, 02:37 PM
very true.

I mean they did say this girl has gone into his room at night and started the kissing.

I mean how many men could turn down a an attractive girl thats interested in them? Really? Especially if he is single and all.

I mean I reckon he should stp since he is a blood uncle but its not all his fault.

myhumps
16-02-2006, 04:00 PM
I mean how many men could turn down a an attractive girl thats interested in them? Really? Especially if he is single and all.

Yeah but she isnt just an attractive girl she's his niece. I take what your saying though and you're right he's not the only one at fault but he should be mature enough to put a stop to it right now.

I also agree with Kermit or as i like to call him 'the voice of reason'.

Kermit: "If you haven't lived as family, then natural barriers to incest are not formed in the brain. So when you meet someone who is very similar to you, you like them and want to be intimate with them, and that feeling can be interpreted as sexual. People often fancy people who look like them, and who looks more like you than family?"

The trouble is, in this case they have always lived as 'niece and uncle' so I dont think it applies and thats what freaks me out, she has probably looked up to him as an uncle as she grew up and now they are flirting and kissing, its so wrong.

x

Kermit
16-02-2006, 11:47 PM
The trouble is, in this case they have always lived as 'niece and uncle' so I dont think it applies and thats what freaks me out, she has probably looked up to him as an uncle as she grew up and now they are flirting and kissing, its so wrong.

The further removed the family is, the weaker the natural barriers to it.

Uncle and niece are not any less removed than cousin and cousin, which is a legal sexual relationship. But the uncle is (normally) in a position of seniority over the niece- something that doesn't seem to be quite so evident in this case.

There's no way he can be allowed to continue behaving like this, as he will be in a lot of trouble if anyone finds out. I think telling him straight that it's illegal, and he's no better than Graham Rix, should help him see things. It's easy to be blinded by lust, but he must stop it, and it is his responsibility to do so.

_guest
17-02-2006, 12:01 AM
I mean how many men could turn down a an attractive girl thats interested in them? Really? Especially if he is single and all.

Well I'd hope he'd be able to exercise some restraint since she's a relative; and regardless of who's instigating these "liaisons" I'm pretty sure he'd be the one with the finger pointed squarely at him if it ever came to light.

She could be the biggest cocktease in the world, it's irrelevant. This Uncle has a brain as well as a penis and should engage the former.

Walkindude
17-02-2006, 02:36 PM
True I take what you both say, but seriously, forget the uncle niece thing for a second. Your on your room, half asleep and this gorgeou sgirl come sin to your room, in ur bed and is giving you eyes or kissing you or whatever. Who among us would immediately throw the girl ou tof bed? Who wouldnt, in a half a daze kiss the girl or whatever? Thats what I meant.

You can't just say he is some evil pedo sucm or something.

She is 16 and the instigator an dhe is only 27 . WHo can blame the confusion?

And wone could ask, if the law didn't dictate it as "wrong" then would we all still see it as wrong?

Just posing questions, playing the advocate here.

Kermit
17-02-2006, 08:22 PM
But this isn't the place to be playing the devil's advocate. You might get the point one of these days.

This relationship is illegal. Their families will see it as immoral. It's gone beyond a quick drunken fumble, or a half-asleep peck.

It needs to stop. Reminding him that it is illegal, and that he will be on the Sex Offenders register, getting bummed at Her maj's pleasure, should help.

Walkindude
18-02-2006, 12:59 PM
yes because only uou are qualified and so high and mighty enough to actually make a posts kermit and non e of the thundres of other posters can make posts at all can they?

Yes what you say is true and would most probably work.

Or they could go the other way and carry on even more, as so often happens when you tell a teenager and young person not to do something.

LordOfCamelot
30-04-2009, 01:49 PM
Hi! This is my first post here so please be patient. I want to briefly outline something that happened the other day when i met my niece for lunch. I am her uncle and i'm 59 years years old. My niece is 25 and married with a small child. As we were leaving the restaurant, she turned to face me and then stuck her thumb into her mouth up to the hilt and, staring into my eyes, opened her mouth to show her teeth encircling the thumb. Then then got closer and stared at my mouth. Now being the master of female body language that I am, i interpreted this to be a comeone for oral sex and that she wanted more than the usual kotc. P.S.- i analyzed the teeth part for a bit and came up with- if done correctly (gliding up and down the shaft and glans without any biting) can be highly pleasurable for some. But if there is actual biting, very painful. Should I be worried that the limits might soon be broken? Comments please. TYVM- Frank

Jo7
30-04-2009, 01:56 PM
Hey there I'm going to close this thread as it's from 2006. Feel free to start a new thread :)