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lowther
18-08-2005, 12:29 AM
Ok guys i dont know if this thread should be in here but this forum is where people come for help most of the time is it not? If a 14/15 year old asks a question about sex maybe help them out rather than posting "your not legally old enough to be having sex" because it does'nt help them in any way. Do you really think people will stop having sex under the age of 16 because someone told them their too young over the internet? Im sure they know they are too young in the first place but if they are looking for help why not answer their question? :banghead:

Halloween
18-08-2005, 12:33 AM
The kiddies do get help, but you have to understand that the people on these boards are expressing opinions. In many peoples' perspectives, a 14 year old child shouldn't be having sex. Their questions are always answered however.

lowther
18-08-2005, 12:39 AM
from a thread by 14 year old

Today, 01:24 AM

Ballerina
Mega Poster

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 898

if you really are 13/14 you shouldn't really be having sex anyway....

Halloween
18-08-2005, 12:40 AM
What's your point? Like I said, Ballerina is expressing an opinion.

lowther
18-08-2005, 12:41 AM
and from same thread

Pretty Hate Machine
Fast Newbie

Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 48
Fourteen year olds aren't supposed to feel "sexy."

Halloween
18-08-2005, 12:42 AM
Rinse, repeat. :yeees:

lowther
18-08-2005, 12:42 AM
The kiddies do get help, but you have to understand that the people on these boards are expressing opinions. In many peoples' perspectives, a 14 year old child shouldn't be having sex. Their questions are always answered however.


As you said here they do get help here and their questions are always answered....

not picking on you at all but how do these to posts answer the girls question?

Halloween
18-08-2005, 12:47 AM
In any of my posts I offer advice. (unless someone is being extremely stupid) Some people chose to scathe or throw opinions about and that's fine, though it's not what the boards are for. Why all the questions? Did you know the girl asking advice? When people say "if you're 14 you shouldnt be having sex", it's an opinion shared by many because most 14 year olds aren't mature enough for a sexual relationship.

Although, I think any girl should be allowed to "feel" sexy. However,if it's kids we're talking about they shouldn't really be dressed as an 18 year old would dress, say.

lowther
18-08-2005, 12:53 AM
No i dont know the girl but thats not the point. People are looking for advice, not the opinion of someone on a forum has about the age people should be having sex.

I suppose if their opinion was backed with a reason why you should'nt be so sexually active at 14 and the paths it could lead to thered be nothing wrong with that but what is the point in people saying "sex before 16 isnt legal so dont do it"

Halloween
18-08-2005, 12:58 AM
No i dont know the girl but thats not the point. People are looking for advice, not the opinion of someone on a forum has about the age people should be having sex.


Then take it up with the mods or something if you have a complaint fs :rolleyes:
At the end of the day people are going to say what they want, and as long as it isn't offensive or in txt tlk then noone has a problem. Except you, for some bloody reason.

malteser monkay
18-08-2005, 01:07 AM
The problem though, is that there is a legal boundary - a person under the age of 16 in this country - cannot legally have sex. Aside from legally, there are physical differences - at 14, and even in later teens, your body is still developing. But at 14, you're body is just starting to fully develop...you've gotta be careful what you subject it to.

Also, your sexual knowledge at that age...whether you really know what you should be looking out for in terms of contraception and such...isn't gonna be as well built up. I went through the sex-ed thing properly when I was 15/16...before then, I came here to learn what I know so I'm a little more boned up on the relevant info.

Mentally - being in a relationship when you're younger, can feel incredibly intense. With all the other changes going on in your life, doesn't adding sex to the equation take it out of a teenage fling as you're engaging in more adult activities and a lot more is at stake.

People of all ages should come here for advice, but it should always be outlined in an appropriate way, that there are legal technicalities. That is advice as well...yeah it comes in the forms of opinions, but still - it's always gonna be relevant and so people shouldn't hold back. The person should also recieve advice, but they'll be repoccusions in some instances. If a person who is underage, is asking really 'big' questions in terms of sex, which should be known before engaging in it...then maybe they're not in the know enough to handle it.

Mist
18-08-2005, 07:29 AM
No i dont know the girl but thats not the point. People are looking for advice, not the opinion of someone on a forum has about the age people should be having sex.


The people who post here are just that, people, not advice machines. If they have an opinion on under-age sex then they are free to express it.



I suppose if their opinion was backed with a reason why you should'nt be so sexually active at 14 and the paths it could lead to thered be nothing wrong with that but what is the point in people saying "sex before 16 isnt legal so dont do it"

In almost every case the questions get answered as well. Maybe some people think that it is the right thing to point stuff out, hmm?

Kermit
18-08-2005, 11:43 AM
Pointing out the legality of their actions is the most important thing. The mods in particular are under an obligation to do this.

Questions are answered. The answer is "you are too young". Deal with it.

Ballerina
18-08-2005, 11:48 AM
from a thread by 14 year old

Today, 01:24 AM

Ballerina
Mega Poster

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Nottingham
Posts: 898

if you really are 13/14 you shouldn't really be having sex anyway....

Actually im 15....well personally it think it's good another minor is advising them not to instead of egging them on. I just think about 95% of people who do it underage regret it, and that they rushed....only trying to help.

**Summer-Raindrops**
18-08-2005, 11:50 AM
anyone over 16 giving advice on said subject has a moral responsibility to point out the law. we fully realise that it won't necessarily change anyones minds or actions, but if it you don't point it out, you are effectively saying "its ok to have sex at any age" - which it isn't.

the majority of us do realise that people are individuals and will do what they want, same as the people who post should realise by posting their queries you are subjecting yourself to other peoples oppinions, as well as advice.

_guest
18-08-2005, 01:10 PM
anyone over 16 giving advice on said subject has a moral responsibility to point out the law. we fully realise that it won't necessarily change anyones minds or actions, but if it you don't point it out, you are effectively saying "its ok to have sex at any age" - which it isn't.

the majority of us do realise that people are individuals and will do what they want, same as the people who post should realise by posting their queries you are subjecting yourself to other peoples oppinions, as well as advice.

I agree entirely with this. I rarely do more than read in this forum, but there are an awful lot of underage people, and advising them about the law is as much a part of answering the question as what they are looking for. Especially when it is an "am I ready" or "am I too young?" question.

HunnyPot
18-08-2005, 07:26 PM
By the way this Sex forum, and the whole website is aimed at people who are legal; aged 16 and over. Maybe the reason you have all these questions about sex is because you're too young to understand what sex is really about? I really believe in waiting until you're 16 at the very least so you fully understand what you're doing. At 14 I feel one is still developing physically and emotionally.

Jem
18-08-2005, 08:33 PM
By the way this Sex forum, and the whole website is aimed at people who are legal; aged 16 and over. Maybe the reason you have all these questions about sex is because you're too young to understand what sex is really about? I really believe in waiting until you're 16 at the very least so you fully understand what you're doing. At 14 I feel one is still developing physically and emotionally.

As true as that may be, it doesn't change the fact that underage people do have sex and whilst they are very much unlikely to start asking their parents for advice, and are equally unlikely to call a helpline/see a Family Planning clinic unless something is very serious, they can get info and advice from their peers as such, which might stop them from doing something stupid.

Boozy
18-08-2005, 09:18 PM
By the way this Sex forum, and the whole website is aimed at people who are legal; aged 16 and over. Maybe the reason you have all these questions about sex is because you're too young to understand what sex is really about? I really believe in waiting until you're 16 at the very least so you fully understand what you're doing. At 14 I feel one is still developing physically and emotionally.

What magically happens on a teenagers 16th birthday, one day she's a child, the next she's an adult, thats rubbish, girls mature at different rates, the law doesn't help anyone and doesn't protect anyone by saying you can have sex on your 16th birthday but not one day before, all it does is allienates people from the law and makes a mockery of the legal system.

Let's say a 15 year old girl is in a relationship with a guy, she doesn't feel ready for sex and uses the law as an excuse for not having sex, she turns 16 and she can't use that excuse anymore.

Underage girls have sex for a number of reasons, sometimes they make a decision based on a good level of maturity, they have found a guy who is right for them ( it does happen), and they both decide they don't want to wait.

Sometimes girls are pressurised into sex, either by peer pressure or by their boyfriend, now the law isn't much of a deterant to these girls having sex, wouldn't you agree that a better approach would be to empower these young women, show them that they own their own bodies, they have the right to say no.

Explain that they have choices, talk more about relationships, a lot of young people don't have the stability of a family home, they need to learn about relationships, but where are they getting the advice from.

And guys need to take responsibility as well, they need to know it's not big and cleaver to use pressure to get sex.

Having said all that, I have no problem with a 14/15 year old girl having a sexual relationship if she is mature enough and it's her decision.

If you use the law to stop people having sex, you give them contempt for the law, in the same way as if you fine people for being slightly over the limit on a clear motorway.

Talk to teenagers don't threaten them with the law.

FilthyChav
18-08-2005, 09:56 PM
What magically happens on a teenagers 16th birthday, one day she's a child, the next she's an adult, thats rubbish, girls mature at different rates, the law doesn't help anyone and doesn't protect anyone by saying you can have sex on your 16th birthday but not one day before, all it does is allienates people from the law and makes a mockery of the legal system.

Let's say a 15 year old girl is in a relationship with a guy, she doesn't feel ready for sex and uses the law as an excuse for not having sex, she turns 16 and she can't use that excuse anymore.

Underage girls have sex for a number of reasons, sometimes they make a decision based on a good level of maturity, they have found a guy who is right for them ( it does happen), and they both decide they don't want to wait.

Sometimes girls are pressurised into sex, either by peer pressure or by their boyfriend, now the law isn't much of a deterant to these girls having sex, wouldn't you agree that a better approach would be to empower these young women, show them that they own their own bodies, they have the right to say no.

Explain that they have choices, talk more about relationships, a lot of young people don't have the stability of a family home, they need to learn about relationships, but where are they getting the advice from.

And guys need to take responsibility as well, they need to know it's not big and cleaver to use pressure to get sex.

Having said all that, I have no problem with a 14/15 year old girl having a sexual relationship if she is mature enough and it's her decision.

If you use the law to stop people having sex, you give them contempt for the law, in the same way as if you fine people for being slightly over the limit on a clear motorway.

Talk to teenagers don't threaten them with the law.

At last! Someone I can agree with. I still find that even if I post something completely irrelevant to my age on the sex boards, it still seems to be dug up in a couple of replies.

I know that a lot of people here say that they didn't feel ready at that age, or that they didn't know about contraception, sex ed etc... but times change.. not every 14/15 year old has the same amount of knowledge
:rolleyes:

Kermit
18-08-2005, 11:11 PM
The thing that amuses me is that people consider the age of consent in the UK to be the ideal barometer of maturity. It isn't.

I'd say the Dutch were more mature about sex, and they can have sex much younger.

There was a girl on here a few days ago- she could have sex in the state she was in, but not in the one two doors down. Does she suddenly regress when she crosses the border?

The age of consent is merely a guideline.

It is important to point out the legality of their actions though. Breaking the law can have consequences that shouldn't be ignored.

Jem
18-08-2005, 11:40 PM
Indeed. The law is the law and even though you might not agree with it, its authority is supreme. And at the end of the day, that's the main thing.

Boozy
18-08-2005, 11:41 PM
The age of consent is merely a guideline.

It is important to point out the legality of their actions though. Breaking the law can have consequences that shouldn't be ignored.

Agree with you, the law is an ass.

What does the law do :
It turns hundreds of thousands of normal law abiding teenagers into lawbreakers.

It creates a situation where many teenagers who feel they want to confide in family or adult friends about their relationship, can't for fear that the relationship will be reported to the police.

It doesn't do a thing to protect vulnerable teenagers, who are more concerned by peer pressure.

I've no evidence for this last statement but seems plausable, by breaking a law that the teenager feels is unjust, it is then potentially easier to break other rules and laws.

Jem
18-08-2005, 11:45 PM
I think that last thing depends on the person's mindset and general upbringing. By rights that makes me a criminal, but I've no desire to break any other laws.

Boozy
18-08-2005, 11:59 PM
I think that last thing depends on the person's mindset and general upbringing. By rights that makes me a criminal, but I've no desire to break any other laws.

I hope you noticed I was very carefull how I worded that statement, but re-reading it, I could have worded it a bit more carefully.

Boozy
19-08-2005, 12:13 AM
I saw this on Yahoo a little while back, it refers to drugs rather than sex, but I've highlighted a few lines where it talks about attitudes to the law.

Survey Finds Fewer Drug-Free Schools

By REBECCA CARROLL, Associated Press Writer 4 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - More teens are saying there are drugs in their schools, and those who have access to them are more likely to try them, said a Columbia University survey released Thursday.
ADVERTISEMENT

Twenty-eight percent of middle-school-student respondents reported that drugs are used, kept or sold at their schools, a 47 percent jump since 2002, according to the 10th annual teen survey by Columbia's National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse.

The number of high schoolers saying drugs are at their schools rose 41 percent in the last three years, to 62 percent, the survey said.

Twelve- to 17-year-olds who report that there are drugs in their schools are three times likelier to try marijuana and twice as likely to drink alcohol than teens who say their schools are drug free, the survey showed.

"Availability is the mother of use," said Joseph Califano Jr., the center's president. "We really are putting an enormous number of 12- to 17-year-olds at great risk."

Most of the teens surveyed 58 percent said the legality of cigarettes has no effect on their decision to smoke or abstain, and 48 percent said the fact that marijuana is illegal doesn't affect whether they use or don't use the drug . Meanwhile, the survey found teens who viewed drugs as morally wrong were significantly less likely to try them, as were those who felt their parents would be "extremely upset" to discover drug use.

The report found that teens who confided in their parents were at much lower risk of drug abuse than teens who turn first to another adult.

"If this survey does anything, it really shouts to parents: You cannot outsource your responsibility to law enforcement or the schools," Califano said. "I think when parents feel as strongly about drugs in the schools as they do about asbestos in the schools, we'll start getting the drugs out of the schools."

The survey also found that teens who say they watch three or more R-rated movies in a typical month about 43 percent are seven times likelier to smoke cigarettes and six times likelier to try alcohol than teens who do not watch R-rated movies.

The correlation between R-rated movie watching and the risk of substance-abuse remains even after controlling for age, the report said. This was the first time the annual survey asked about R-rated movies.

"There's no question the correlation is very strong and it obviously wants further study," Califano said.

The survey was conducted by phone and involved 1,000 randomly selected teens aged 12 to 17 years old and 829 parents. Twenty-six percent of the teens said someone nearby could hear their answers. The margin of sampling error is plus or minus 3.1 percentage points for the teens and plus or minus 3.4 percentage point for the parents.

Mist
19-08-2005, 08:33 AM
It doesn't do a thing to protect vulnerable teenagers, who are more concerned by peer pressure.



So you think that there's no point in having an age of consent then? How would you deal with, for example, paedophiles?

I very much doubt that the age of consent law is, in the larger sense, designed or used to stop two consenting people from having sex.



I've no evidence for this last statement but seems plausable, by breaking a law that the teenager feels is unjust, it is then potentially easier to break other rules and laws.

This I find is largely just the same sort of scaremongering nonsense of the Daily Mail type that would be used in an argument such as that canabis in the start of a slippery slope of drugs, or such like.

I do not believe that if someone has under-age sex they become more likely to break other, non-related, laws.

_guest
19-08-2005, 10:58 AM
What magically happens on a teenagers 16th birthday, one day she's a child, the next she's an adult, thats rubbish, girls mature at different rates, the law doesn't help anyone and doesn't protect anyone by saying you can have sex on your 16th birthday but not one day before, all it does is allienates people from the law and makes a mockery of the legal system.

Nothing magically happens, other than it becoming legal. But if someone is 15 and mature, then they should be able to make an informed decision. But if someone is 13, they are hardly likely to be physically and mentlly mature enough to make that decision. Which is why it gets pointed out to people.

Boozy
19-08-2005, 04:31 PM
So you think that there's no point in having an age of consent then? How would you deal with, for example, paedophiles?

There was an interesting piece in the Daily Mail today, about an arsonist who as part of an ASBO order had been prevented from carrying matches or a lighter around with her, lawyers argued that a ban was against her human rights as this would prevent her from smoking, the lawyers won, so she can carry around matches or a lighter.

Now couldn't a 15 year old girl claim that her human rights are being infringed by not being able to have sex.

Do paedophile's think to themselves, "I'm going to be breaking the law if I abuse this 8 year old girl, I will wait untill she's 16. The same law that protects women over 16 can be used to protect girls under 16, if a person has sex or molests any girl/woman without her consent, then they can be charged under the rape laws.

Now I think it's ok to say that a girl of 13 and under is incapable of giving concent, but then you have a grey area, are you saying that a normal girl of 14 or 15 is incapable of understanding what sex is, is incapable of making an informed decision, of giving or witholding her concent.



I very much doubt that the age of consent law is, in the larger sense, designed or used to stop two consenting people from having sex.

No person under the age of 16 is thought capable of concenting to sex, thats why the law is there, and if I was 17 and had a 15 year old girlfriend, ( nothing unusual in that), as the law stands right now, if we had sex I could find myself placed on the sex offenders register and facing a prison sentence.

Now often the police turn a blind eye to underage sex, but thats a double edged sword, because on the one hand your saying it's against the law to have sex if your under 16, but then again your saying "yes your breaking the law but we will look the other way", thats a good example to set isn't it.



This I find is largely just the same sort of scaremongering nonsense of the Daily Mail type that would be used in an argument such as that canabis in the start of a slippery slope of drugs, or such like.

I do not believe that if someone has under-age sex they become more likely to break other, non-related, laws.

I hope reading the Daily Mail doesn't prevent me from posting on these forums :nervous: , I think there are enough studies that show evidence that some people can became addicted to cannabis and that it can lead to potentially serious physical and psycological problems.


In an ideal world, teenagers wouldn't start having sex until they were in stable relationships,I'm a christian and I believe that ideally marrage and sex go together, but I'm not going to preach about that, thats my view.

Studies have shown that a lot of girls having sex early regret doing this, I'd like to see girls empowered, given choices, shown how to say no, but treated like adults, if you try treating a 14 year old girl like a child what do you get ?.

Teenagers who have been taught to drink sensibly from an early age,tend not to binge drink and suffer less from alcohol related problems than teenagers who have been not been taught about alcohol.

The same way if you explain the choices about sex and empower teenagers, they tend not to have sex at a young age and have fewer sexual partners.

Treat 14/15 year olds as adults, treat them with respect then they will learn to respect their own bodies, don't try to use the law as a kop out, because it doesn't work.


And if a 14 year old girl says, I understand I have the right to say no, but this is my body and I feel ready to have sex with my partner, then who has the right to say she shouldn't.

billybob87
19-08-2005, 10:24 PM
well if they cant follow the law thats their problem, those who have sex under age often end of regreting it.
16 is ideal, I wasnt ready till 18 but im glad the law is 16, makes me feel more ready knowing I havent just had sex just because I can legally.

Boozy
19-08-2005, 11:47 PM
well if they cant follow the law thats their problem, those who have sex under age often end of regreting it.
16 is ideal, I wasnt ready till 18 but im glad the law is 16, makes me feel more ready knowing I havent just had sex just because I can legally.

What right have a group of mainly old men who sit in parliment to decide in who can and can't have sex.

billybob87
20-08-2005, 12:07 AM
you could say that about many laws, if your old enough to have sex your old enough to face the consequences in my view. e.g. a 14 year old can hardly bring up a child.so if your not old enough to face the risks, then dont!

Boozy
20-08-2005, 12:13 AM
you could say that about many laws, if your old enough to have sex your old enough to face the consequences in my view. e.g. a 14 year old can hardly bring up a child.so if your not old enough to face the risks, then dont!

Good point, but why discriminate against young people, why let drug addicts and alcoholics have sex.

billybob87
20-08-2005, 12:17 AM
Good point, but why discriminate against young people, why let drug addicts and alcoholics have sex.

lol cos they are too stoned/drunk to know what they are doing!
In many peoples eyes, sex is for adults not for children. I agree with the age but thats cos I wasnt interested untill then. People mature at different levels though.

billybob87
20-08-2005, 12:18 AM
What I dont understand is why you can have sex at 16, but cant go into ann summers untill your 18!

Boozy
20-08-2005, 12:27 AM
The point I've been trying to make throughout these debates is that the Law is not the best way to deal with underage sex, look at the statistics it doesn't work, it also forces young people into hiding what they are doing.

Treat 14/15 year olds like adults, show them respect, show them the choices explain to them that they own their bodies and that it's there right to say "no" to sex if they wish.

How can you tell a young girl that she own's her own body, that virginity is something presious, to be given away only when she is ready, then take the decision out of her hands by saying if you have sex you are breaking the law.

Boozy
20-08-2005, 12:29 AM
What I dont understand is why you can have sex at 16, but cant go into ann summers untill your 18!

I didn't know there was an age restriction at Ann Summers, my wife tries to drag me in there sometimes, and I've seen lots of people in there who look like there still at school.

billybob87
20-08-2005, 12:31 AM
yeah, if you look young (like me, but im18) they ask for i.d. which is fair enough!

Boozy
20-08-2005, 12:38 AM
I'm suprised by that, I wouldn't have thought the stuff they sell in there would be age restricted, as far as I know they don't sell pornography, not sure if vibrators are age restricted, I guess they might be.

billybob87
20-08-2005, 12:39 AM
its odd!

Boozy
20-08-2005, 12:42 AM
Well thats something new I've learn't today though.

Kermit
22-08-2005, 10:22 AM
I'm suprised by that, I wouldn't have thought the stuff they sell in there would be age restricted, as far as I know they don't sell pornography, not sure if vibrators are age restricted, I guess they might be.
You can go in Ann Summers at any age to buy the lingerie, but you can't go into the restricted section where the vibrators and sex-wear is sold until you are 18.

They aren't always arsey about it. If you are obviouslky 14 and taking the piss the staff will boot you out, if you are being sensible they normally won't.

Ballerina
22-08-2005, 11:06 AM
what i dont get is, you can have sex at 16, but can't look at pictures or watch someone else do it till you're 18

LilWy
22-08-2005, 04:31 PM
Well, I can surely see that this thread was started due to my own thread and would like to thank the one that started this. I know that legally I AM too young, but that wasn't exactly what I was looking for. Everybody is telling me stuff that I already knew and that's really not why I posted. I was curious about the moral side of the issue and very few gave me what I was looking for.

Deep Fathom
22-08-2005, 04:34 PM
what i dont get is, you can have sex at 16, but can't look at pictures or watch someone else do it till you're 18

The age restrictions can get out of hand, but I do agree that one age restriction should not contradict the second one. It just doesn't work that way. :lol:

G
22-08-2005, 07:17 PM
The age restrictions can get out of hand, but I do agree that one age restriction should not contradict the second one. It just doesn't work that way. :lol:

maybe its because its designed to help you learn things naturally in your own way, and learns things by your self as you are maturing