Love and SG - aargh!

[stargalaxy]

I don't know what I think of love anymore. On the one hand, I love being in love. But on the other, it's so powerful, destructive, able to tear someone apart. As I speak now, I'm trying to decide whether to take things further with a friend. We've met some time ago, we've both admitted we have deeper feelings towards each other than friendship. Infact, she's already said to me "I've fallen in love with you". And dammit, I feel the same way.

But why?! So confusing. The last time I was in love, I had my heart broken. The person I considered to be my first love told me back in January that she wasn't in love with me. I was heartbroken, I've been trying to nurse a broken heart since. But now that love comes along once more, I haven't a clue what to do. Go for it and risk being let down again? Or let it pass by but wonder what could have been? Ooh, why does love have to be so complicated?! :crying:

[Makoto]

Go for it if you actually feel you want to, you'll only end up kicking your self if you don't.

[Teh_Gerbil]

Whoah, your on my boat! Shit, yeah, its a hard life. But I think you'll have to take the chance. Better to take it and fail than not to and regret it later.

We live for those moments of love, no matter how short. It is better to have loved at one stage for a short a while than never at all, even if it does all go tits up. Don't let it get you down, and take it. If it fucks up, so what? There is always another time.

And one day I shall follow my own advice.

[malteser monkay]

Yes, it's destructive, evil - tears you up into loads of tiny little pieces and feels like someones plunged their hand into your chest and ripped out every ounce of you, and trampled on it infront of you. Well, when it's unrequited, or when your nursing a broken heart...it feels like that.

But then again, it's amazing. If I had humungous feelings for someone, they said I'm falling in love with you and I knew that I felt exactly the same...I wouldn't ever turn it down - I'd risk my heart time and time again because taking a risk means waking up some mornings and opening your eyes and they're their beside you beautiful, safe making you feel happy and loved...and just making you feel again and to be honest, given those moments any day, I'd risk it.

I've spoken to you what hell it was when I split with my ex, how it just seemed to screw me over and yet I'd still happily jump in at the deep end...go for it dammit!!

Malt xxxx

[stargalaxy]

I've spoken to you what hell it was when I split with my ex, how it just seemed to screw me over and yet I'd still happily jump in at the deep end...go for it dammit!! Well, I remember when I woke up next to her one morning last week. That was a strange feeling, but I liked it. Yes, I think I'm gonna go for this one. The only thing that seems to hold me back is fear - as it always seems to have done. Fight the fear? Alright!

[mystifymysoul]

Danny, if you like her, and really think you have something special- Go for it!

Don't miss the opportunity of happiness due to this fear.
Sure it might not work out in the end, but you would have had some good times, and will hold some great memories.

Try to think of the positive things. Just make sure that you are happy!

xxx

[stargalaxy]

Danny, if you like her, and really think you have something special- Go for it! Don't miss the opportunity of happiness due to this fear. Sure it might not work out in the end, but you would have had some good times, and will hold some great memories. The only "technicality" as such is she has a son from her previous relationship. Dealing with the father is not strictly an issue - he died a few years ago - but I'm gonna have to involve myself in her son's life in some way. The only worry now is how much? Must think...

[mystifymysoul]

If you really love her, the you will accept her son. I mean, have you asked her what she would expect from you in terms of your relationship with her son? Maybe you should talk it over with her. I don't think you should let her child get in the way of a potential relationship. Any obstacle, however big, can be tackled some how. xxxx

[stargalaxy]

If you really love her, the you will accept her son. I mean, have you asked her what she would expect from you in terms of your relationship with her son? Maybe you should talk it over with her. I don't think you should let her child get in the way of a potential relationship. Any obstacle, however big, can be tackled some how. xxxx

I've already accepted that her son and her come together, that's fine by me. What isn't so clear is how involved I'd actually be on a day-to-day basis. I'll have to talk it over with her. I've got work for the start of the week, so does she. I'll talk to her later in the week and we can start working out the practical nitty-gritty. Thanks Hannah, and also thanks Malt Monkay!

[1983]

Life is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too short and boring to deny yourself this pleasure.

Jump right in there. If you get hurt, you get hurt. But I'd rather be hurt knowing what it felt to have someone love me like I loved them, than being afraid all my days.

[littlemissy]

Life is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too short and boring to deny yourself this pleasure.

Jump right in there. If you get hurt, you get hurt. But I'd rather be hurt knowing what it felt to have someone love me like I loved them, than being afraid all my days.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all ;)

Seriously Danny. Go for it. You want to, she wants to. Give it a go. What is the worst that could happen?

[nicebutdim23]

indeed go for it, its better than regretting.
when kids are involved its best to talk to mum and see how close they want you to get and how soon. different mums have different feelings - one of my friends has a sixth month rule, another will introduce her son a.s.a.p

have you already been introduced and how old is he? i'd reccomend you don't go wading in with the whole parenting thing if he's older than 5, he may just get angry with you. give it time, and see what she has to say on the subject.

oh, and i'm really happy for you, you deserve the chance to be happy for once. :)

[Miffy]

I'd recommend you don't try to be his parent at all. Just try to make friends with him.

[1983]

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all ;)



See, I tried to incorporate my own wee motto, but it soooo did not happen. :p

[stargalaxy]

have you already been introduced and how old is he? i'd reccomend you don't go wading in with the whole parenting thing if he's older than 5, he may just get angry with you. give it time, and see what she has to say on the subject.

oh, and i'm really happy for you, you deserve the chance to be happy for once. :) Thank you. In reply - Yes, I've been introduced to her son. We've met a few times by now, he's six years old. I don't know what exactly she wants from me. She says she wants me to play a role in his life. OK, I'd love that, but how much of a role? In terms of practical day-to-day stuff comes deafening silence. Unless she actually tells me how much she wants me to do with him, this won't work.

Also, working at Haven has made me realise a few things. I'm 20 years old now. Do I really want to settle down now? Should I be "playing the field" a bit more? I really don't know...

[Blah]

i'd like to add that just because she has a child, it doesnt mean that she is looking for a replacement parent and wants to marry you, or in fact commit to anything serious.

[stargalaxy]

i'd like to add that just because she has a child, it doesnt mean that she is looking for a replacement parent and wants to marry you, or in fact commit to anything serious. True. It's just that I haven't a clue on what I'm meant to do with her son. I accept he's a part of her life, I rather like the guy actually. The only thing is I don't yet know how much she wants me to do with him. So far, she's said "I want you to play a role in his life". I replied "I'd love that, but how much of a role?" On that point, she was muted. Probably isn't sure herself yet... this may be cruel, but I've told her that unless this is sorted, our "relationship" is a non-starter.

[Blah]

True. It's just that I haven't a clue on what I'm meant to do with her son. I accept he's a part of her life, I rather like the guy actually. The only thing is I don't yet know how much she wants me to do with him. So far, she's said "I want you to play a role in his life". I replied "I'd love that, but how much of a role?" On that point, she was muted. Probably isn't sure herself yet... this may be cruel, but I've told her that unless this is sorted, our "relationship" is a non-starter.

Well im sure she wontbe asking you to play a father role.

Jut treat her like you would any other woman, and treat him like a little friend :)

[kate2419]

from reading this thread, i think its great your interested and wanting to play that part in her little boys life, but has already been said, when she doesnt tell you the role she wants you playing, it is probably because she doesnt know. I'd say enjoy it, take everyday as it comes with her, and him to an extent. try not to worry too much about the technicalities of the relationship, just enjoy yourselves, and everything should fall into place pretty well as youve accepted her son will be part of your life, you dont need to do anymore right now, just treat her as any other girl, and good luck with it x

[stargalaxy]

Well im sure she wontbe asking you to play a father role.
Jut treat her like you would any other woman, and treat him like a little friend :) Now the father issue is a difficult one. The biological father is dead. He was killed a few years ago in a motorcycling accident. It's a sensitive issue, maybe this is why she's struggling to answer my question. Maybe I've been too hard on her in this case.

As for treating her like any other woman, with the utmost respect then. Little friend? Not far off the mark, that...

[kate2419]

As for treating her like any other woman, with the utmost respect then. Little friend? Not far off the mark, that...

with that attitude, im sure you wont go far wrong :)

[stargalaxy]

Well, just a general update on how this one's playing along. I could never be a replacement for a dad. I think my biggest fear when I first thought about this was what might happen in a few years. He's gonna want to know where his dad is at some point, and I think he'll have a right to know. The fact that his father is dead is something that made this all the more poinient, and a very sensitive topic of discussion, but we seem to be making progress on it so far.

[November_Rain]

I think my biggest fear when I first thought about this was what might happen in a few years.


Few years?? How long have you been with this woman? Less than 3 months right??

If thats completely wrong I apoligise for my post but if im correct...

what makes you think you'll be around in a few years? Your dating the woman you fool not marrying her!!

Huzzah for you if you ARE still around in a few years.. but don't jump the gun!

[sexpod]

Wow, you guys really think about love lol. I mean it kind of came into my relationship and boy do I love the feeling, but then again might be different since neither of us has kids.........yet... thank god.....go patch ! Also, I dont see the problem at looking at a relationship as a potential marriage, some people do look at it like that having they chose/found the right partner. But then again, my relationship is not a "risk." Oh well, thats my 2 cents, I just never heard people debate so much over love.

[AmsyBamsy]

Think what'd happen if no one took chances on love because of a bad experience?

[stargalaxy]

What makes you think you'll be around in a few years? Your dating the woman you fool not marrying her!! Huzzah for you if you ARE still around in a few years.. but don't jump the gun! You = git. saying this, it's not the advice i would give! i never take my own advice, which would be...go for it if you have strong feelings for her. and if it goes wrong, you'll have to try and deal with it. but hopefully it will all work out and be well worth it.So far it's working, but early days yet.

[November_Rain]

You = git.
Becuase I said that it was to early to think of years n years time? :rolleyes:

[stargalaxy]

Becuase I said that it was to early to think of years n years time? :rolleyes: Actually, there may not be years and years to come following a few decisions I've made today. :( Maybe I was being carried away by love here. Sorry if I seemed rude earlier.