Nightbreed
08-05-2005, 11:22 AM
I have a confession to make, I cheated on my g/f of nearly five years, to make things worse it was with my best mates g/f, No matter how much anyone else might want me punished I dont think I can feel any more guilt,
That is not the reason for my post, the reason is this we both split with our partners and I had thought we could make a go of it together, she said she loved me and I felt the same. I was so happy when we were both single it was as if a weight had lifted and I could start showing how I felt to the world, she was unsure about jumping into anything and I understood that, but in private it was the same as it had been for months so I thought things would happen,
barely a few weeks had gone by when she changed her mind about me and everything. Now she has started seeing a mutual friend. I feel used and hurt but in the same instance I cant help but want her happy, I cant say I've behaved much better I've gone back to the girl I cheated on, I thought it was for the right reasons but part of me is unsure she loves me I know. Why is that not enough, why do I see the girl I cheated with and suddenly lose all my control I can build a shell around me and be happy but the pain is still there like a pit of acid burning into me.
thoughts run through my mind, I want her to be happy and I know me and her wouldnt work right now but I still dont know,
I look at her and the new guy and see pattens, shes getting close to him and also another friend of ours, it almost looks like how she was with me and my best mate, Am I reading to much into things am I trying to see the worst to make it easier to hate her, if I did it would give me strength instead I still want to see her smile,
things are so confusing, how do you know when your in love and not just caught in a game,
That is not the reason for my post, the reason is this we both split with our partners and I had thought we could make a go of it together, she said she loved me and I felt the same. I was so happy when we were both single it was as if a weight had lifted and I could start showing how I felt to the world, she was unsure about jumping into anything and I understood that, but in private it was the same as it had been for months so I thought things would happen,
barely a few weeks had gone by when she changed her mind about me and everything. Now she has started seeing a mutual friend. I feel used and hurt but in the same instance I cant help but want her happy, I cant say I've behaved much better I've gone back to the girl I cheated on, I thought it was for the right reasons but part of me is unsure she loves me I know. Why is that not enough, why do I see the girl I cheated with and suddenly lose all my control I can build a shell around me and be happy but the pain is still there like a pit of acid burning into me.
thoughts run through my mind, I want her to be happy and I know me and her wouldnt work right now but I still dont know,
I look at her and the new guy and see pattens, shes getting close to him and also another friend of ours, it almost looks like how she was with me and my best mate, Am I reading to much into things am I trying to see the worst to make it easier to hate her, if I did it would give me strength instead I still want to see her smile,
things are so confusing, how do you know when your in love and not just caught in a game,