online flirting

[Sparklie]

Ok so if you found out that your other half was flirting with other people online would you be pissed off?

I mean if they were on some form of instant messaging service such as MSN and they searched for people in their area to chat up. Not just a bit of harmless flirting with their mates but telling people that they didn't know that they were sexy and that they'd have sex with them.

Would you feel that you have a right to be pissed off or is it just harmless fun because it's all online and not real?
Would you be even more pissed off if this fact was hidden from you and constantly denied even though it's the truth?

As you can guess I'm having a dilemma.
Any input appreciated

[satehen]

If i found out my bloke was searching for women in his local area and telling them he'd have sex with them i'd seriously reconsidewr our relationship.

[Sparklie]

If i found out my bloke was searching for women in his local area and telling them he'd have sex with them i'd seriously reconsidewr our relationship.

ok let me change that bit a little. Not in so many words but just kinda comenting on sexiness ect.

[Cuddilicious]

***Ignore***

[Cuddilicious]

What satehen said above.
The whole online speech is not real life, so shouldn't matter annoys the hell out of me. Whether you're flirting online or face-to-face you are still talking to another human being with the intentions of being flirty not just for harmless fun but the possibility of wanting to cheat.

If this person of yours is suppose to be your boyfriend/girlfriend and is continuely denying it all, even though you know for a fact that they are lying... then I'd come clean with them and tell them what you already know and see what he/she has to say. And also try to thinks things carefully in deciding whether you want to be with this person anymore considering, they have been lying to you now and could quite possibly do it again. Could things ever be the same between yas?

[RepeatToFade]

Im kinda in the same situation. My bf talks and flirts with this girl who he met online, she doesnt live near him, thank god, cos i would be really worried. But it still annoys me. They met through a site like faceparty, and he was always commenting on her pictures, but it bugged me that he didnt say the same or even nicer things to me. It just seemed like he fancies her more. He doesn't even deny that he fancies her. Then I find out theyve been texting and then phoning each other. Ive spoken to my bf about this, and he knows im jealous, and he's admitted, he would be if it was the other way round. But it still hasn't stopped completely although it is better.

I'd say talk to your bf about this, as it must be ruining your relationship. I know my situation did, and nearly ended up in us spliting up. So talk to him, and get things sorted.

[Sparklie]

Repeat to Fade...it's nice to know it's not only me.

He just did it the once (or atleast that's what he told me) and i caught him at it. He was very drunk at the time but it really hurt me. It's not nice hearing your boyfriend call someone else sexy :no:

He knows how much it upset me and he promises it was a drunken one off for a laugh. I do trust him so I guess I have to believe him and continue to trust him. It was someone that he didn't even know so I guess it's better than it being someone he spoke to regularly.

[Exess]

Well sometimes online stuff can be just harmless flirting around but sometimes it can develop into something more (not trying to make anyone worry just been my experience) if you are really worried its always good to talk about it and sometimes people do dumb things when they are drunk like chatting up strange people online. I know I have done stuipder stuff than that though when drunk :naughty:

[RepeatToFade]

if he was drunk, and says it was a one off then i would believe him. But if it happens again, id have a word with him.

[Ballerina]

its the trick of not becoming too clingy - but still have to say something if its worrying you without causing a stir.

[NothingGoldCanStay]

I am also in that same situation, but my bf doesnt look for these girls.. and he doesnt really flirt back.. they're just like 15-17 years old and they're so obsessed with him, i think its rather cute.. but i know he wouldnt do anything.. but they text message him all the time, like while im out at the movies with him, and that angers me :mad:

[Zella]

Ok so if you found out that your other half was flirting with other people online would you be pissed off?

I mean if they were on some form of instant messaging service such as MSN and they searched for people in their area to chat up. Not just a bit of harmless flirting with their mates but telling people that they didn't know that they were sexy and that they'd have sex with them.

Would you feel that you have a right to be pissed off or is it just harmless fun because it's all online and not real?
Would you be even more pissed off if this fact was hidden from you and constantly denied even though it's the truth?

As you can guess I'm having a dilemma.
Any input appreciated
Sounds like part of what I went through with an ex of mine. The Wanker!

[blonde__batman]

if i found out my boyfriend was doing that i'd tell him to stop or it was over.
i wouldnt want him telling someone face to face that he knows they are sexy etc, so i dont want him telling someone he doesnt know it either.

that might sounds harsh but if he loved me, he wouldnt do it, and if he did love me and i told him it hurt me he'd stop. if he didnt stop, it'd be over.

[otter]

although it is online, it is being said to a real person... yes... i'd be pissed off!

[themouth]

im in this situation too, i confrunted my b and he said hed never meet anyone off the net!! and its just a bit of fun, but i dont know what too belive! there has been times were i have chatted on the net, but no flirting and defo not meeting anyone!!

[Kermit]

If someone is hunting out people to "fl;irt" with, purely for the flirting, then you would be prefectly right in being worried.

I flirt with mates online all the time, its meaningless because its a laugh, I'm not actively hunting for it.

[Sparklie]

If someone is hunting out people to "fl;irt" with, purely for the flirting, then you would be prefectly right in being worried.

I flirt with mates online all the time, its meaningless because its a laugh, I'm not actively hunting for it.

apparently not actively hunting for people...they added him.

i'll take his word that it was a one off...can't help still worrying a bit though

[littlemidgetsarah]

my boyfriend flirts with other girls all the time and it bugs me, but if he was denying it it and/or searching for people to flirt with then I would seriously look at where our relationship was going and probably end it.

[Bunnie]

I wouldn't be with my gf if i wanted someone else.
This is exactly it. if he wanted her, then no matter the distance he would do it. near to home, or 6 hours drive away. you cant honestly say that you havent flirted with another lad at some point throughout the relationship. and you probably do it more than you realise. please dont jeopardise your relationship for something like this. if it was anything more the signs would be there and then you would have to worry, but for the moment, i would just try leave it.
Take care
bunny
:heart: xxx :heart:

[Olive]

yes, it would upset me, depending on what was said. obviously not if i knew they were mates, and had that jokey flirty kind of relationship.

but if he was doing it with a total stranger i'd be tres pissed off. it's like - way to make me feel special, tell a total stranger they're sexy instead of spending that time with me.

i wonder how he would feel if you did it....

[littleminx]

I'm currently in a similar situation. My bf spends a lot of his time on msn messenger and faceparty (aided by a webcam), he denies he's using either of these to flirt or meet new women, however he has umpteen photos of these girls stored in files on his computer, I've also viewed his list of contacts on messenger, matching these to the photos. I'm not ok with this and I just feel like he lies when I ask him questions about it. Surely this can't be seen as innocent behaviour when you're in a relationship!!!?

[cuzican]

I can speak from experience on this matter... I caught my husband (I call it cheating and he calls it flirting) on line e-mailing a woman back and forth for over a few months. when I came across the emails he called her my pet name "sunshine" and ended his letter's with I love you. still to this day I am still hurt over it, and yes, it was 8 years ago but he ruined the trust in out relationship. do you think that falls under cheating? and how do you try and trust again? I just cringe everytime he is on line. glad I found this forum.

[Blah]

I can speak from experience on this matter... I caught my husband (I call it cheating and he calls it flirting) on line e-mailing a woman back and forth for over a few months. when I came across the emails he called her my pet name "sunshine" and ended his letter's with I love you. still to this day I am still hurt over it, and yes, it was 8 years ago but he ruined the trust in out relationship. do you think that falls under cheating? and how do you try and trust again? I just cringe everytime he is on line. glad I found this forum.

its not right for him to have told another women he loves her, online or not.

Yes i really do think that is classed as cheating. People seem to use the online part of it as an excuse claming its "not real" but its communication so therefore it most certainly is.

[cuzican]

its not right for him to have told another women he loves her, online or not.

Yes i really do think that is classed as cheating. People seem to use the online part of it as an excuse claming its "not real" but its communication so therefore it most certainly is.

thank you! I think so too, I feel so bad still bringing it up after all this time with my husband BUT all he has to say is that I was talking to much about work issues and I became very boring......which I guess I was. but I still believe that is no reason to say things like that to other women..I think those words are only meant to be said if you have feelings for someone and they sould be sacred...and all I get back is they are just words and he didn't mean it for her, she was just fun to talk to. and chat rooms were the newest and different thing.. thank goodness she lived hundred of miles away and I still wonder to this day if I never caught him would something have come out of it? and what's the chances of it happening again..if I have "life" happen and I become boring???? do you have any idea how I can learn to trust again? this may sound weird but I think it would have easier to swallow this whole thing if he actually would have slept with her.... the he would have been gone out of my life....I love him with everything I have and I know he loves me and he wants to do anything to gain my trust again..... but this just keeps on coming up (which we still fight about this) I get so angry sometimes and I wish I could do the same to him.so he can REALLY see what it feels like...but I am a faithful person through and through. thanks for listening......I would love to hear different opinions on this...thanks! :banghead:

[VinylVicky]

ive been in exactly the same situation and at first i was so mad and he was so desperate to make it up and denying it was anything more and i promised to stop checking up on him.
i did for a while but then started again but i couldnt tell him cos i wold have broke my promise and i wanted to carry on checking.
it got to me real bad that i started picking fights over other stuff as i coldnt tell him.
eventually we split because of my moods and the bastard dumped me.

[Blairx0]

Yes I would be pissed off. Just claiming to have the desire to sleep w/ other ppl would upset me. Regardless, if the person they are talking to is online or in person I would taKE Discussing cheating on me to be a big show of disrespect and may end things

[Sparklie]

Just to say...

Me and my boyfriend discussed things. He knows how much it hurt me and he assures me that it was a stupid one off. It's all fine now, I'm not worried because I know how much he loves me and if he made a stupid mistake then atleast it was an online mistake.

Some people have said that they'd ditch their other half if they did the same thing. I think that's a bit harsh. I wouldn't throw away my otherwise great relationship over one mistake. Yes it hurt but it could have been worse.

Thanks for the advice from everyone

[punkprincess1984]

I'm in a similar situation but was hoping for some more advice as it's a bit different. Basically my boyfriends been telling me that I'm a bit chubby around my bottom (and I'm only a UK size 8, and he's roughly 2 stone overweight) and that I need to lose weight and "tone up". There's been a girl on his msn who he used to be in a band with who's always flirted with him although he's never noticed this. In the last week since my boyfriends been criticising my body he's been chatting to her everyday for a couple of hours. I pointed out to him that she was flirting and he said he hadn't noticed. I commented that she has always made comments to me about being lucky to have him and he said I was imagining things and that it meant nothing and was just a bit of fun. The earlier this week I was crying in our room as I'm having a stressful time at uni with exams(we live together) and she came online. He kept looking over at the screen of his computer whilst cuddling me so I told him to go and talk to her if he was so bothered....and he did. I later checked his message history to find that he was calling her cute and saying things like "I'm glad you remember things about me" before finishing off with a couple of kisses. This bothers me because I was clearky upset and needed him but he wanted to talk to her. From what he's said it sounds like I bore him and am now too fat for him to be with. He also swears at me a lot if I disagree with him over things and he constantly asks his twin brother to join us if we go anywhere eg we couldn't go out for dinner on Valentines day due to other commitments so we arranged to go 2 days later. When it came to going he asked his brother to come along. And last weekend he said e'd go and have a day together because I told him how I felt about not seeing him alone anymore and then five minutes before we left he asked me if hos brother could come because he thought that would make the day cool.
Am I overeacting....or does it sound like he's more interested in this other girl? He talks to her in a way that he's never talked to me and I feel that he's just now bored of me. What should I do? He gets defensive and shouts at me if I try and tell him how I feel.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

[nicebutdim23]

chuck him for being a wanker and criticising you, FAT and a size 8? tosspot

[punkprincess1984]

Thats what I thought....I know my body's not perfect but I don't think I'm fat. But it's hard because it hurts that he went and flirted with that other girl when I was crying.....am I being unreasonable and is that why he does this to me? I think that it's all my fault and that I should try harder to be better although part of me knows I'm being pathetic.

[mystifymysoul]

I'm sorry but get rid of this guy, seriously. You can do better than him...your not being unreasonable, plus you have reason to be angry with him.

He has no right calling you overweight, especially when he is himself! Loser. Chuck him, please. Do yourself a favour and find a nice guy :)

xx

[punkprincess1984]

OK so I told him that I thought he was being unreasonable about my weight and he just muttered comments about my "saggy ass" under his breath and so I told him I wanted to finish it. We got into a huge fight and I told him that if he liked the other girl so much then he should go to her. He slapped me round the face (only he reckons he lightly tapped me). Anyway one of our housemates came up and asked what all the noise was and he just made an excuse. He later stormed out and called the same housemate to "make sure I didn't do anything stupid". Now he's gone home and has texted me to tell me I should be happy that he's coming back tomorrow to sort things out. I want it to be over for good now but I'm stuck in a house tonight with his twin brother and the other two housemates who are both more his friends than mine. He thinks that because he says he's sorry for calling me fat he can come back and it'll all be fine. I'm so embarrassed to be left here but I can't really go anywhere as I've got an exam tomorrow morning at 9.30 and there's nowhere nearby that I can stay. I can't help but think that I handled this all wrong and that it's my fault he's so mad at me.