View Full Version : Boyfriend's nervous break down.
Kermit
19-03-2005, 08:45 PM
The very very very most important thing is that you don't forget yourself, and ensure that you have someone to talk to and confide in about it all.
It's awful having to hold up someone who's so low, the weight is a lot to carry. Please make sure you talk to other people, and get them to help you to help him.
Zella
19-03-2005, 09:02 PM
I know I've not been in this exact situation before but the feelings of aloneness and not knowing what to do were the same. When lee first started having his black out I shit it. I tired my best to keep him calm and explian to everyone what was going on. Because he didnt remember anything about blacking out I had to explian to the several doctors over and over and over again. This was just on the first day. 9 months, several hospital appointments, tests, over night stays later its still hard.
You get used to it. You just have to do your best. Dont rely on him making his own food, do it for him for a while and when he feels better do it together as a fun activity that isnt so draining or stress inducing. Making sure he keeps a balance diet is important becuase it will have an effect on his emotions. Also exersice will help him too. Will help him to sweat out his stresses and it will help you a bit too.
Just stand by him as much as you can, but dont let him drag you down. You need to still have some alone time for youself to keep you sane. Maybe have a good cry and shout at the mirror. I know it helps me sometimes when things get tough. I was never scared that he would top himself, I was scared he'd drown in the bath or hit his head and die. I still get nightmares every now and again.
Your not being selfish for feeling the way you do, most people wouldnt give a damn and would have walked away a long time ago. The thing about being strong for someone is when they see you and when others see you, they see nothing but inner strength when inside you just feel so weak and helpless. It is hard but you find a way to balance things out a bit.
Make sure every now and again you make time for you to go out with your mates with out him or you'll end up with feelings of being trapped. Even if its just going shopping and a liquid lunch with the girls before going to see him would help.
Wanna know what my trick is? Studying. If I feel like I cant cope I block everything out and do some homework. Most of the time it dont even need doing but it keeps my mind busy on somthing that isnt stressy.
Good luck with it all, I know we never really got on before but if you want to PM me or something just to rant about how hard it is feel free. I know how your feeling and its not nice.
Zella
19-03-2005, 09:07 PM
I tried to take him out for a walk today away from crowds in the park, as he thinks everyone is eyeing him in the wrong way, or judging him, and he still felt really panicky and awkward.
I keep trying to think of daft wee things to occupy his mind away from everything but then I forget he doesn't know how to enjoy things just now. It's so horrible just now.
Start with small inside the house thinys. Spring cleaning his room with him, learning how to cook new things, watching new films then chatting about them and stuff, reading, massage to get him to relax(but make sure you get one too), board games like monopoly and dirty scrabble. Chess is a good one too. I know they sound boring but once you get going they get fun and cos your doing them with someone you love its makes them cool lol.
Start with small inside the house thinys. Spring cleaning his room with him, learning how to cook new things, watching new films then chatting about them and stuff, reading, massage to get him to relax(but make sure you get one too), board games like monopoly and dirty scrabble. Chess is a good one too. I know they sound boring but once you get going they get fun and cos your doing them with someone you love its makes them cool lol.
Well I'm going to look out some daft photos of me when I was wee and take them over to him and make him come down the road and get a DVD or something.
I know things will be okay, it's just scary because I've not had this happen to me before who's not in my family but who I love almost as much. :(
morrocan roll
19-03-2005, 09:35 PM
honesty is vital ...if he won't give all the facts then you must.
everything has to come out.
Olive
19-03-2005, 09:56 PM
He says all he wants is help, but he doesn't want help.
wanting help is one thing. but accepting help easily when you've been lying and ignoring and pushing everyone away for SO long is very different. he probably does desperately want help. but he's going to have to learn to take the help he's given. saying it out loud once is very scary. saying it again and again can be torture.
My Mum says it's far too much for me to take on, but when someone is as desperate cries for help as what Scott is, I can't walk away. I can only walk away once I know he's okay.
getting yourself strung out over this won't do you any good, and it won't do him any good. i'd say, if you're going to walk away, walk now. staying put til he's ok and then doing a runner may just send him back to square one. don't feel you have to stick around just cause he's in a state.
some horrible stuff obviously happened to him, but at no point did that give him any excuse to treat you like he did. you can forgive him, but only if you want, not cause you feel you owe him anything, and not cause you feel sorry for him. and if you're going to stay, stay because you want to, and not because you feel you have to.
and good luck sorting.
satehen
19-03-2005, 10:00 PM
The cannabis problem will only exacerbate his mental health problems, especially paranoia. It's very commendable that your sticking by him, i can tell you love him very much! Be sure to talk to people about it though, friends and family etc. Don't carry this burdon by yourself!
Olive
19-03-2005, 11:45 PM
i'm not trying to be the devil on your shoulder saying you should leg it, cause i don't necessarily think you should.
it's just that people's reactions to these situations tends to be 'well good on your for staying', and it can feel a little bit like you're trapped. and i want to be the little voice that reminds you that you don't have to. cause i think you need one. even if you stay for the rest of your life, having the little voice saying you don't have to means that you're staying cause you want to. if that makes sense.
my other piece of advice is never to forget yourself. you might think that sounds a bit selfish, but how can you ever be a rock for someone if you're falling apart too?
morrocan roll
20-03-2005, 12:17 AM
1983 ...you sound like an amazing woman.
i pray all goes well for you.
Panthro
20-03-2005, 01:48 AM
1983 ...you sound like an amazing woman.
i pray all goes well for you.
Very much agreed.
Take care
Namaste
20-03-2005, 02:27 AM
Just thought I'd say how much I respect people who stick by their friends and partners through things like mental illness. -hug- Loyalty is an honourable trait. Be proud.
i dont think blind loyalty is a good thing, it can be abused to easily if you are loyal to someone who puts on a good facade
but true friendship, which encompasses many attributes, is something that can never be broken
piccolo
20-03-2005, 02:56 AM
I don't know what to say except that I'm joining the others in praying for you.
All the best and keep taking care of you. x
Namaste
20-03-2005, 03:23 AM
i dont think blind loyalty is a good thing, it can be abused to easily if you are loyal to someone who puts on a good facade
but true friendship, which encompasses many attributes, is something that can never be broken
I didn't say it isn't dangerous... I said that it's an honourable trait.
Hi Becky
I can only really offer you good luck for the future, as by the sounds of it you are both at the start of what could be a fairly long road towards him getting better. I think probably the best thing that you can do is try to make sure that he continues to use the professional help, whilst just being there for him in the times when he needs you. Also, there might be some times where he maybe wont want you to be so close, so then you have to remember not to take it as a personal rejection.
swank
20-03-2005, 11:20 AM
*gone*
Babyshambler
20-03-2005, 02:14 PM
I think maybe you need to start a new thread for that swank...
Good luck with everything Becky, you know we're all here for you to talk to. <3
Namaste
20-03-2005, 02:40 PM
I don't mean to cause offence, but I never understood "nervous breakdowns" how do people have all these problems build up but it goes from being miserable to "nervous breakdown" can soemone explain the turning point?
When I was younger and my aunt had one, I just thought it was sometihng wrong with her brain and she woke up one day had some kinda of fit and she'd take ages to get over it becuase it made her sad... even now I don't undrstand the differncebetween someoen having depression and someoen having a nervous breakdown. Can someone explain that to me?
I think it happened to me... Like I just broke down one day and everything went dark and I remember just lying on the kitchen floor unable to take care of myself. I remember it was like what you'd imagine being really deep in the sea is like... Pressure all around, y'know?
I remember once I couldn't stop rocking and I painted my face blue to stop me from doing bad stuff...
I dunno what that counts as.
SuzyCreamcheese
20-03-2005, 05:13 PM
No advice, but didnt want to read something like this and then pass it by.
Thinking of you and wishing you strengthhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v380/hairylegsandall/cuddle.gif
lucifer devil
20-03-2005, 08:42 PM
No advice, but didnt want to read something like this and then pass it by.
Thinking of you and wishing you strengthhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v380/hairylegsandall/cuddle.gif
same here.
vBulletin® v3.6.4, Copyright ©2000-2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.