Holding a grudge?

[peabrain]

Hello.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half months, we'rre very close and it's all good and groovy except for one thing:

About 3 weeks in to our relationship we went out with some friends and got very drunk and I ended up kissing a (female) friend of mine (I am straight, she is bisexual) at the time it was a laugh between friends, and I have since spoken to her about it and she insists that a laugh was all it was and she has no futher feelings for me other than as a friend.

Unfortunately my boyfriend took this rather badly, got very paranoid about it and upset, which of course I can understand. I have apologised over and over and I really am sorry about hurting him.

He does not want to break up over this and nor do I as I love him very much, after the incident he forgave me and said he wanted to move on, but the problem is he keeps bringing the incident up against me. I understand that I did something wrong, but is it unfair for him to hold this against me?

For example when we were at a party recently he told me he didnt like me and [insert friends name here] spending time together, when I asked 'why?' he replied with 'you know why'.

I have explained to him that we are still friends, and only friends and that nothing will ever happen and he always says he's over it, but if he keeps mentioning it he's obviously not! What should I do?

:confused: I feel like I'm at a loss, as I'm obviously in the wrong, but the guilt is really getting me down and I dont know what else I can do to show how sorry I am.

Thanks, and sorry about the lengthy post xx

[StupidGirl]

Hmm...this is difficult as I can see both points of view...but you have to try and see it his way if you really want to make it better. If you had found out he'd kissed someone else - male or female - wouldn't you feel the same, and still be a bit funny about him spending time with that person, no matter how much he apologised and denied there was anything going on? I'm not too sure how you can make the situation better - it will probably improve with time if you do as much as you can to show him he's the only one you want. I do think it might be wise to keep a bit of a distance from this friend of yours for a while, just for his sake. That will hopefully prove to him that you understand and respect how he feels - and hopefully he will then realise he has nothing to worry about and will stop fretting about it all.

[Kermit]

It's not unfair for him to be very deeply wounded about that incident. What is unfair that you expect him to just brush it off as a "laugh" and not be upset about it at all.

Yeah, you're sorry, but sorry doesn't mend things.

In his own time either he will get over it and trust you again, or you will split because of the huge betrayal of trust you inflicted on him. It's up to him to get over it; you need to help him, reassure him, work at the relationship, but only he can decide whether he truly can or has got over it.

He very probably wants to get over it, and feels daft for feeling so hurt and used- after all, a girl and her mate is supposedly every man's wet dream. That's why he's making an effort, but it was a huge betrayal of trust and it is unreasonable for you to expect him to just forget it and trust you immediately.

For the short term, you will probably have to decide who means more to you- your bloke or your mate.

[morrocan roll]

holding a grudge never realy hurt the person the grudge is against but it always seeme=s to har=m the holder.

[Jah]

My mum made me think recently...she (as good as) said that I shouldn't hold grudges as you never know when it'll be the last time you see someone...

...a bit deep, I know...but here it is all the same.

.

[morrocan roll]

a grudge is a kind of envy ...

[spellboundSH]

It sounds to me like he's a bit insecure, and the reason he keeps bringing it up is because he has the fear that you might have liked it.... And he hates the idea of losing you. I say make sure he knows you wouldn't leave him over a silly thing like that, make him feel more secure. Go easy on him.