View Full Version : i need sum1 to talk to
my boyfriend is leaving me because we have a 2yr old little boy and ive just found out im pregnant (i cant kill it)
i made an appointment for an abortion because we cannot afford another child at all, but he couldnt even be botherd coming with me, so i cancelled it. ive got no one to speak to! im 3 month gone!! my partner decided that he wouldnt come with me i now have no choice but to keep it. all my friends are my boyfriends too so i cant put them in the middle of this. my first child i had when i was 18 was conceived by accident, i decided to keep him.
but now it happend again because of a health problem with my bowel. not through my fault and my partner says its my fault.
im not a deppresive sort of person im always chilled out!!
its just i need some1 to talk to thats nice.
Kentish
16-03-2005, 03:42 PM
Sorry to hear that judi.
Do you have any friends or family that you could confide in, or perhaps you have a social worker or health visitor who you could contact?
As for the abortion, you can get free and confidential counselling locally.
Try this link (http://www.pregnancy.org.uk/index.htm)
Good luck.
otter
16-03-2005, 04:02 PM
although you are probably feeling pretty crap at the moment. you need to get your head straight and really think about what you want to do. how many weeks pregnant are you now??? - time, is not exactly on your side!!! and you need to be making and implimenting decisions NOW - whether you want to keep the baby or abort it.
if you are unsure about making such a decision, which is what it sounds like from your post - talk to your gp as soon as possible - they can refer you to a specialised counsellor who you can discuss your feelings with. or alternatively, try that link kentish gave you.
if you need to talk to someone in the mean time about your feelings and experiences, you can either carry on opening up on here; or you could phone the samaritans - which is confidential. their phone no. is 08457 90 90 90 - you can talk to them about anything that is getting you down.
but also, if you want the baby and think that you would have trouble with financing another child - esp. as a single mum - give your local social services a ring, their no. will be in the phone book. they will be able to discuss and advise you on benefits, etc which you might be entitled to being a single mum with 2 children. and they can also provide you with further support if necessary.
and lastly, *hugs* . don't do anything you don't want to do. esp. for the sake of money. you need to take care of yourself.
go_away
16-03-2005, 04:08 PM
Judi - to have an abortion is something you must be 100% sure about, it really doesn't sound like it would be your decision and it must be YOUR decision and yours alone. Your partner is being very insensitive and unsupportive. Do you have anyone else you can talk to ? Friends? Family?
There are many places you can turn to for support. The link that Kentish mentioned is opposed to abortion - if you intend on continuing with the pregnancy, they can provide means of support for you
Your local advice finder (http://www.thesite.org/community/localadvicefinder) can help you to find support in your local area.
Good luck, let us know how you get on x
thanks if your want to kno details ive edited my post
judixX
go_away
16-03-2005, 04:30 PM
Judi - you're three months pregnant, but you're still in the legal limits for abortion.
That said, it really doesn't sound like it's what you want. Your partner sounds like a nasty piece of work, bordering on bullying and abusive. How is it totally your fault? He had a part to play too! Believe me, if you feel forced into something that wasn't your decision, it would be very difficult for you to come to terms with.
If you need to talk to someone further, you can always give myself or other users a PM. We don't have all the answers, but we can listen. x
nicebutdim23
16-03-2005, 04:58 PM
pm'd you.
there are loads of caring people on here. :yes:
Kentish
16-03-2005, 05:04 PM
The link that Kentish mentioned is opposed to abortion - if you intend on continuing with the pregnancy, they can provide means of support for you
I didn't realise - I just googled "pre abortion counselling".
judi, if you just wanted to offload everything that's on your mind, you may find the Samaritans helpful (no. above), or maybe phone NHS Direct on 0845 4647 and ask for the details of local counselling or listening services.
go_away
16-03-2005, 05:15 PM
I wasn't having a go or anything Kentish, Care and LIFE do provide means of support for women who want to continue with their pregnancy, however, they have a biased view, and I believe every woman has the right to the correct information to all 3 options, so she can make an informed decision for herself :)
Kentish
16-03-2005, 05:18 PM
I wasn't having a go or anything Kentish, Care and LIFE do provide means of support for women who want to continue with their pregnancy, however, they have a biased view, and I believe every woman has the right to the correct information to all 3 options, so she can make an informed decision for herself :)
Absolutely, but I went for Brook, BPAS, fpa, MSI...first and they didn't seem to offer simple pre-abortion counselling; rather counselling as part of the process of the abortion. I felt judi needed a listening ear first, before taking that step.
ive been to docs, midwife dad, mum, sis, cuz every one says the same but doesnt listen to me.
you lot are ok. was upset wen i posted that 1st thing bet you think im crazy?!
otter
16-03-2005, 05:28 PM
you lot are ok
thats because you're completly anonomous. and we're unbias. but we don't have any answers for you - you need to find them for yourself.
docs, midwife
their advice should also be unbias. they don't have anything to gain / loose by whatever decision you make. sometimes, you find that is the problems within families - that their advice is too subjective and based on what they want rather than what you want.
has anyone mentioned pre abortion counselling to you?
go_away
16-03-2005, 05:31 PM
Absolutely, but I went for Brook, BPAS, fpa, MSI...first and they didn't seem to offer simple pre-abortion counselling; rather counselling as part of the process of the abortion. I felt judi needed a listening ear first, before taking that step.
Sure. During our training at MSI, we're encouraged to call places like Care, and LIFE, and it's very one directional. My workmate was told that she would most likely become depressed and suicial after an abortion. The videos and information they give out can often include 'abortion' pictures, and give false statistics i.e having an abortion will double the risk of breast cancer. I trust these places as much as I trust the Nigerian businessman who wants to make me a millionaire.
Judi - we don't think you're crazy at all. I can imagine everything's up in the air for you. Def give a place like the Samaritans a call or NHS direct. When someone needs pregnancy advice, I think the best places to go are places which have no pro-life or choice agenda.
i cant do it. i can already feel it kicking. my partner is just an idiot id do better without him
otter
16-03-2005, 05:35 PM
I think the best places to go are places which have no pro-life or choice agenda.
which is why your gp (on the nhs) can refer you to a good one.
and judi, pre abortion counselling does not by any means, mean you have to go ahead with the abortion - its about exploring your feelings and helping you make the right decision.
going now back 2morra
thanks all xX
otter
16-03-2005, 05:36 PM
my partner is just an idiot id do better without him
get rid of the bastard then!
go_away
16-03-2005, 05:37 PM
Judi, have you looked at thesites section on pregnancy and parenthood (http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/pregnacyandparenthood). You sound very sure in your decision to continue with the pregnancy, and it includes information on family benefits etc.
Have you told your partner yet that you are not going to have an abortion? It might be a good idea to have a friend with you or someone to be with you in case he kicks off.
Judi, have you looked at thesites section on pregnancy and parenthood (http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/familyandfriends/pregnacyandparenthood). You sound very sure in your decision to continue with the pregnancy, and it includes information on family benefits etc.
will do.
Have you told your partner yet that you are not going to have an abortion? It might be a good idea to have a friend with you or someone to be with you in case he kicks off.
already have thats why hes leaving if he kicked off id batter him no one should be bullied
nicebutdim23
16-03-2005, 11:14 PM
if its any help - he may come round after he's gotten used to the idea , my dad was like that with my sister.
he does sound a bit of a git though who you are probably better off without. GINGERBREAD are a single parent support group and are very good. they have a website too, and will help it sink in that you aren't alone.
take care xx
01j01
17-03-2005, 08:20 AM
what a truley awful situation to be in. *hugs*, without meaning any offence your boyfriend sounds like a right selfish prat!
what kind of boyfriend leaves his girlfriend in such an emotional crisis.
i think you would be better off bringing your children up without him around if he cannot face upto HIS responsibilitys.
most users on here will be more than willing to listen to you and chat about most things, if you need a friendly ear then feel free to p.m. me or other users. :razz:
thank you will let you all know how it goes!
judiXx
Micro
17-03-2005, 11:09 AM
im 3 month gone!! .
You wil not have any say in abortion, since it is past ur first trimest so the government will step in due to bill passed last year. Since it is already a life.
when i found out i had a scan witch concluded its heart was not beating. but it starts beating at 6wks that to me any way is when its a life! im keeping it just dont know weather im going to be alone (without a partner)
nicebutdim23
17-03-2005, 11:28 AM
You wil not have any say in abortion, since it is past ur first trimest so the government will step in due to bill passed last year. Since it is already a life.
what you talking about? abortion is allowed up to 24weeks at the moment.
>>>>read the abortion threads in P &D
what you talking about? abortion is allowed up to 24weeks at the moment.
>>>>read the abortion threads in P &D
not in my area its 12weeks!!
Hellfire
17-03-2005, 12:21 PM
your a sad strange little woman you and sort your life out and stop bothering other people with your problems
your a sad strange little woman you and sort your life out and stop bothering other people with your problems
what the hell is your problem? freak i take it youll be one of these weirdos that thinks there higher in sociaty than any one elce?
stargalaxy
17-03-2005, 12:28 PM
what the hell is your problem? freak i take it youll be one of these weirdos that thinks there higher in sociaty than any one elce? I think what annoys him is you saying abortion in your area is illegal. Or saying you're beyond the time limit. So, just to confirm: (a) how far gone are you in your pregnancy? and (b) what country are you in? :)
Kiezo
17-03-2005, 12:29 PM
what the hell is your problem? freak i take it youll be one of these weirdos that thinks there higher in sociaty than any one elce?
Trust me, he's about as high up in society as the fungal growth on the pizza box in the corner of my room that's been lying there the past two weeks.
Don't worry, the irony police are coming to arrest him.
hes very inconsidorate!! my doctor has told me that no one in the area will do one after 12wks. and i am but that wont be his problem because above that ive said im keepin it any way. due to what i personaly feel. ;-)
Trust me, he's about as high up in society as the fungal growth on the pizza box in the corner of my room that's been lying there the past two weeks.
Don't worry, the irony police are coming to arrest him.
i said thinks!! he is higher than any one elce well at least i know to stay away frm him now
Kiezo
17-03-2005, 12:41 PM
i said thinks!! he is higher than any one elce well at least i know to stay away frm him now
I know, I was just confirming that he's an asshat :razz:
how do you get the smilies on the thread iv tried dragin them and clickin on them is my cpu just broke or am i doing something wrong?
Wyetry
17-03-2005, 12:57 PM
I really do worry
stargalaxy
17-03-2005, 12:57 PM
how do you get the smilies on the thread iv tried dragin them and clickin on them is my cpu just broke or am i doing something wrong? No need to drag. Just click on the relevant smilie. For example, to get the smile icon, click once on the :).
your a sad strange little woman you and sort your life out and stop bothering other people with your problems
Shut up Hellfire you stupid insensitive arsehole.
Judi, I don't really have much advice, just pass my best wishes and hope everything goes OK for you whatever you decide.
nah its my cpu ive just got broadband ive had loads of probs
Shut up Hellfire you stupid insensitive arsehole.
Judi, I don't really have much advice, just pass my best wishes and hope everything goes OK for you whatever you decide.
i think i scared him away i dont think he expected me to stick up for myself!?
thanks due october 16th keeping it! you lot made me railise what an idiot my boyf is!!
nicebutdim23
17-03-2005, 01:19 PM
then you wonder why you get flamed Hellfire! :rolleyes:
i think i scared him away i dont think he expected me to stick up for myself!?
thanks due october 16th keeping it! you lot made me railise what an idiot my boyf is!!
Its easier just to ignore him hes a fool.
Its easier just to ignore him hes a fool.
dont worry i will there isnt any1 elce lik him on here is there? i hope not!
dont worry i will there isnt any1 elce lik him on here is there? i hope not!
noone else, just that prat.
thats ok then every1 elce ive spoke to seems ok!
rachie004
17-03-2005, 03:47 PM
your a sad strange little woman you and sort your life out and stop bothering other people with your problems
Says YOU?
You've had enough shit going on in your life and have brought it onto the boards so you are in no fucking position to tell anyone what to be doing
Judi, your other half seems like a twat to be treating you this way (sorry, I hate it when people say it to me :( ) hope you're ok, and we're all here to listen/read if you want to talk or rant :)
go_away
17-03-2005, 04:05 PM
Judi, I know you're going to continue with your pregnancy, but for the benefit of people who might see this on a search later on:
* Abortion, regardless of the area, is permitted up until 24 weeks.
* For severe foetal abnormality it is permitted at any gestation.
As a side note: There were no bills passed last year in this country with respect to limiting abortion. I think Micro's username is based on their brain capacity. And Hellfire needs to be introduced to the word hypocrite.
MzInnocent
28-03-2005, 08:16 AM
my partner is just an idiot id do better without him
sounds about right! who does he think he is telling u its ur fault, wanting u to get an abortion then not even wanting to support u???
i dont mean to be rude but he sounds like a complete dickhead.
lucifer devil
28-03-2005, 01:52 PM
your a sad strange little woman you and sort your life out and stop bothering other people with your problems
you're a fine one to talk!! :cool:
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