Does he need to know everything about that inexclusive period?

[whattodo8]

So, when my boyfriend Evan and I started out it was all really casual and I definitely was not even looking for a relationship. We slept together really early on, and then I moved back to school only a few days later. We kept in touch surprisingly but I did not expect much of anything to come of it. I was in play the field mode and to make a long story short, slept with one of my roommates Josh at the time, twice. It was probably about 2 weeks after I moved back. It wasn't anything great and was just a nothing fling for both of us and neither of us ever even talked about it again.

Then things started picking up with Evan. There was no way I could tell him about Josh because I was still living with the guy, and I couldn't expect Evan to be okay with that. Evan and I finally had "the talk" about becoming exclusive (which we definitely had not been before then) nearly 3 months later. He asked me straight out whether I had been with anyone else while we were inexclusive, and I lied.

Now it is a year later and I haven't been able to stop feeling guilty about lying. I didn't cheat on him, but somehow I feel like he would see it that way. He's even told me since then that he asked me that question because if the answer was 'yes' he wouldn't have wanted to go any further with the relationship. I really feel like that would be unfair for him to have that attitude, but what can I do about it. I really love the guy and he is a wonderful boyfriend and we're really happy together. I want to tell him and have him accept me and love me for who I am, but at the same time, if he can't handle the truth...I can't bear ruining the relationship over something like this. I just don't know what I should do. Is it wrong that I lied and should I confess and beg forgiveness? Or should I let the past stay there and go on in the relationship? What do you guys think?

[cornishangel24]

your boyfriend seems like he wanted the best of both worlds, and a hand in 2 biscuit tins!

1. A girl that he could sleep with whenever but without the emotional side and without the phone calls.

2. Not making you two exclusive but not wanting you to be with anyone else.

Were you supposed to wait at home and twiddle your thumbs and knit????He has no right to expect that of you, which he obviously did at the time.

Although i am thrilled for you that he eventually realised your fantastic and wanted to commit!

Because you are still thinking and worrying about this a year after the fact, you obviously think it is a big deal. I would say tell him, he has the right to know the truth and you need to not feel like you are lying to the man you love. He should appreciate your honesty, and if not he will either come around and realise he was being an arrogant twat, or he will look for someone else.

To be honest, what would be his reason if things did fall apart? 'well you slept with someone when we weren't seeing each other!' becasue that would definetly hold up in court!

[Blah]

oh my god its a friends moment!

sorry, erm, i reckon you should tell him, because when he asked you and you didnt admit you were lying, and do you want to have a relationship that is full of lies? constantly knowing you are keeping something from him? if he loves you and has any sense he will keep you

[whattodo8]

But what if I find I am able to make peace with it and not feel guilty, let it go...would it be wrong to not ever tell him? I feel like if I tell him it could be the end of our relationship or at least screw it up a good bit and I don't want that. I've been lied to before and I know how much that can screw up a relationship. I agree that he would be pretty harsh to not forgive me, but is it even worth rocking the boat and taking that risk?

[cornishangel24]

At the end of the day i still think you should tell him. He shouldn't apply one set of rules to himslef and another to you. You relationship (in regards to that) is already inbalanced. I think it is worth rocking the boat. No relationship is perfect but he sounds like he needs to do some growing up.

[Diamond Ace]

Same thing happened between me and my ex!!

NOTE: he is now my ex!

Lies destroy relationships!!

[whattodo8]

Thank you for your input cornish. I am going to drive down and tell him tonight. I don't think I've ever been this scared before, but at the same time I think I am doing the right thing for me. I guess I have to know that he can accept all of me, and if he can't...then we aren't right for one another. That is a really difficult thing for me to accept, but I think I have come to terms with it. He needs to be able to accept this for him to be someone I want to be with long term. Thanks again for your honest advice, wish me luck.

[peabrain]

I think it's probably a bit late now, but good luck and I hope it turns out well for you x Let us know! :thumb: