help... advice please.. i'm so empty... but i cannot understand why!?

[collisions]

here i am just turned 24 and i feel empty... i have a great boyfriend whom i love dearly... we are living on our own and i have a 5 hour a week job..(who should complain)...

i dont know who i am anymore... i feel lifeless... i contiously worry about every little thing... just writting the shopping list could stress me out to a point of anxiety!!?

when asked what are my interests/hobbies i dont have an answer... we have no money for recreation... i use to be in the same boat but i: painted, sketched, played music, did some mosaics, wrote a pile of philisophical theories and opinions, (these days my head feels so full of day to day stress i havnt room for an opinion yet 2 years ago i was the most opinionated person you'd ever meet AND proud of it!)

these days i stress, calculate our budget (sometimes 2 times a day usually once), stress some more, and veg out to a t.v when i have no more energy to stress anymore...then i go to bed and start again the next day... i dont even feel depressed just numb!

i'd love to find a couple of forums for advice and talk it through with many opinions till i find one that clicks for me... i need help finding myself again!!..please

kelly

(p.s: hi all btw :blush: ...i put this here as i seen some forward advice in another topic in this section and thought the people with harsh yet true advice come to this section... sorry for any trouble if it shoudlnt be here by far...kelly)

[Jaloux]

Do you have any friends that you meet?

[collisions]

no... me and my boyfriend are both happy with not having friends...

he hated my friends i hated his... we both hard out grown them and smartened up when we met eachother...

[collisions]

when i moved out of home for the first time 2 years ago with my partner... understandably real world hit and i started stressing but now its become obsessive... i have even fallen into a whole i had many years ago of being afraid to leave the hosue on my own... and its causing strain on a perfect relationship.... i dont understand it... i was such a level headed person relaxed, arty, opinionated, had a really wild imagination for art and conversation now i'm a stiff

[collisions]

oh... i hope i didnt scare you off? :(

[Kentish]

You sound depressed.

Have you been to talk to your GP about how you're feeling?

[collisions]

no i'm worried he'll either tell me i'm over reacting or offer me long term drugs like valium ? shoudl i try and explain this mess to him you think?

[Kentish]

Yes.

How are you sleeping? Why do you think you've lost interest in things you used to enjoy (eg painting, music, philosophising...)?

[collisions]

i sleep most nights all teh way through... sometimes i get up to check the budget crunch the figures make sure i didnt mess up and then i can sleep again...

i think the reason is stress... it consumes my every thoughts leaving me drained and uninterested in my enjoyments..

does that make sense?

i have to go as i have a tax appointment in the morning... but please leave some msgs... and i will be back within the next 2 days.,

i appreciate your time... thank you... hope to catch you soon to further this convo...
kelly

[Blah]

if money is a stress why dont you both work more so that you have money to do things and go out and live with no money worries?

the fact that neither of you have friends other than eachother is worrying.

[Wyetry]

Have you considered upping the hours you work or getting another part time job?

That might get you out of the house a bit more, give you something else to focus on and alleviate some of your money worries as well.

[nicebutdim23]

was that really a five hours a week job or supposed to be 50?
if it is just 5, maybe work a bit more and spend the money on you going out together and having a bit of fun.

also , you do really need friends and time to be with other people besides your partner all the time - regardless of whether you like each others friends.

[Jaloux]

the fact that neither of you have friends other than eachother is worrying.

I'd have to agree with that. It is important to socialise and get out of the house. It can help to take your mind off things and maybe help you deal with your worries.

--------
collisions:
Maybe you could try to join some sport or go to the gym? If money is a problem then you could also just go for walks or run. Physical activities can be of great help.

A few years ago I started isolating myself. It was the worst decision I ever made because all it did was to help with making me even more depressed. I never left the house, just stayed at home in front of the computer. Then after a long time I realised what I was doing to myself and with help changed a whole lot in my life. I went to see a psychologist a few times, got a job, regained a friend, made new ones and challenged myself. It's not always easy, but I feel so much more content now because I'm closer to having found some balance in my life.

Isn't there something you can do during the day to take your mind off the stress and worries? Or do like others suggested, try to work more hours? And what kind of job do you do? Are there any people you talk to at work?

And talking to your GP would probably be a good idea. If you obsess so badly about money you may need help to tackle that. I'm sure you realise that constantly worrying is not going to help.

[lauretta]

I know this'll sound harsh but to be honest, I reckon I'd be bored silly if I were in your situation.

You say you work 5hours a week, you have no friends other than your boyfriend and you spend your free time watching TV.

I'm not blaming you for the stress, but I'm not surprised you're feeling crap and I'm sure you must understand it too if you really think about it - I think you really need to do more with your life!

You say that before you were an interesting, opinionated person with lots of hobbies... and now you're not. And what else has changed since then? Don't you think it has a connection with the fact you don't see other people and you don't work more? Fun conversations/arguments with friends, and interacting with people in the work place, are things which make you a more interesting person and make your life feel more interesting and fulfilling. I really don't understand why you don't think you 'need' friends. Don't you ever have the urge to have a gossip with a girl friend? Or chat to someone else other than your boyfriend who has different opinions from him, or different experiences, different stories to tell and so on? I really think that the biggest step for you to take is to get out there again and meet new people, or get in touch with some old friends again. Also, try to get yourself another job. What is it you work in, at the moment? Maybe you could get another job that's related, or if necessary just get some bar work in the evenings or a Saturday job or something else part-time. Not only will it bring you money and ease your financial worries, but it'll also be something else more fulfilling to do, and it'll bring you into the social sphere again. Of course you're going to be scared of the outside world if you're not part of it, but if you take the first few crucial steps, I'm sure things'll get easier.

Anyway sorry about the long reply, I just feel like you need a bit of a proverbial kick up the arse, because while I do feel for you (honestly, and I hope you pull through, and agree with this others' advice about maybe seeing your GP), I think there are some easy things you can do to solve your problems. You just need to get out there and do them.

[VinylVicky]

No friends, n social life, no money....just 4 walls n a lot of time to think about what u havent got...

[satehen]

here i am just turned 24 and i feel empty... i have a great boyfriend whom i love dearly... we are living on our own and i have a 5 hour a week job..(who should complain)...

i dont know who i am anymore... i feel lifeless... i contiously worry about every little thing... just writting the shopping list could stress me out to a point of anxiety!!?

when asked what are my interests/hobbies i dont have an answer... we have no money for recreation... i use to be in the same boat but i: painted, sketched, played music, did some mosaics, wrote a pile of philisophical theories and opinions, (these days my head feels so full of day to day stress i havnt room for an opinion yet 2 years ago i was the most opinionated person you'd ever meet AND proud of it!)

these days i stress, calculate our budget (sometimes 2 times a day usually once), stress some more, and veg out to a t.v when i have no more energy to stress anymore...then i go to bed and start again the next day... i dont even feel depressed just numb!

i'd love to find a couple of forums for advice and talk it through with many opinions till i find one that clicks for me... i need help finding myself again!!..please

kelly

(p.s: hi all btw :blush: ...i put this here as i seen some forward advice in another topic in this section and thought the people with harsh yet true advice come to this section... sorry for any trouble if it shoudlnt be here by far...kelly)

Sounds like it could be depression exacerbated by finantial issues. Is there a reason why you only work 5 hours? Maybe you should work more, then you'd have more money for recreation and wouldnt stress so much?

[whattodo8]

It sounds like you are depressed...I've had a lot of personal experience with that as well as being a psych major. There is a great book called "Feeling Good: The new mood therapy" that is great, but it's a little old. There is also a program called "Attacking Anxiety and Depression" by the midwest center. If you search for midwest center in google you'll find it. The program has a 30day $$ guarantee and it is really great as well, but a bit more pricey than just a book. If you go to a doc and tell them, they won't give you valium, most likely they'd give you prozac or zoloft or some kind of SSRI (family of anti-depressants), which also help but I wouldn't reccommend just taking medicine and not getting some kind of other help with a program or therapist in addition. Good luck...try to focus on what is positive in your life. What you think about affects your emotions

[collisions]

i only have 5 hours a week despite me begging for more work in a warehouse/tools shop as my boss has majoy issue with people who dont flirt with him!...

i am trying to look for new work i understand money is an issue... i apply for 2-6 jobs a DAY.. not a joke...

its hard to get a new job in such a highly unemployed area... but i am still trying very hard...

as for friends... my boyfriend seems to get jelouse of me talking to other people... he's not agressive or anything but i know it bothers him..maybe because he has no one? we'r are made for eachother and he's not a monster ... just has a good eye for bad personailities which is my poor point i always pick bad friends...

i dont really talk to anyone at work... i do my job and (everyone elses as i find it hard to say no... get paid min wages and go home... i dont tell many people but i get pushed around, yelled at, picked on, made to do others jobs that they take credit for etc in my work place but i dont think i'm worth the troiuble of starting an issue with it... i have bruses most weeks... all from a damn 5 hour shift?!...)

but yet i still ask for more hours..

i think i might go see my GP... but other then that i respect everyone opinions... i do beleive i need to start with the little things but understand even a simple task of writting a shopping lest these days stresses me out to the point where i feel sick..(just incase i dont get all the major stuff we need and end up with no money to get what i messed up on the list.... so you can imagine the crazyness in my head when bigger things (which still seem small to most) are put infront of me...

i dont want sympothy... i hope this dosnt look like its a sad person having a sook... and i really dont want depressant drugs that will harm my body in the long run.....

i think i'm here to see if i really do need help other then my own means... if its normal for someone my age... and if outside the bubble looking in.. i am a sook i guess..

[collisions]

also..my partner has a disability so i encourage him not to work... as his body isnt built for stressfull activities... he has a wonderful mind though but hard to utilies in such a small area...
so i am very happy to bring the money in.... and he keeps the house in check (as much as he can... i do the rest)...


i agree i do need a honest perspective on this.. and please dont feel badly for being critically honest that is what i am after..

thank you everyone
kel

[Jaloux]

as for friends... my boyfriend seems to get jelouse of me talking to other people... he's not agressive or anything but i know it bothers him..maybe because he has no one? we'r are made for eachother and he's not a monster ... just has a good eye for bad personailities which is my poor point i always pick bad friends...

Honestly, don't you think it's a bit wrong for you to stop seeing other people because he's jealous and cannot deal with it? The fact that you say you "always pick bad friends" is also rather worrying, if I am to be completely honest with you. Are you sure it's not because you don't want to upset him that you don't socialise more, that you tell yourself beforehand that you're no good in picking friends?

Also, is his disability severe? I do know that a lot of people with minor disabilities opt to work because it helps them lead a more fulfilling life, knowing that they are making an effort to support themselves and their family.
I am just wondering because you say you discourage him from working.

It's good to know that you're trying to find a different job, the one you seem to be doing doesn't seem to be helping at all. If you keep trying you're bound to find something eventually.

[mich22]

Hi collisions

It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment. I think you should talk to your partner. You shouldn't have to feel alone in this and if you are ok with not having other friends you can talk to then you should be able to talk to him. Maybe you could socialise together and make mutual friends.

In terms of finances, it might be useful to speak to an account manager at your bank, you may get some good advice on how to manage your finances and what options are available to make life easier for you.

TheSite gives some information on anxiety and stress here (http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/anxietyandstress) . I hope it helps a little. You need to combat the problem before you go into full blown depression which is really hard to come out of.

I hope things work out for you.
*hugs*

Mich