Sex- Before and After

[IsoberImswear]

OK so this is the approach my bf always takes to sex- he basically pulls of both our pants, goes at it, and when he is done, he gets up and goes on his computer. am i the only one that sees this as a problem? how do i get him to play with me before sex so that the sex is enjoyable for me too, and how do i get him to stay in bed with me for a little bit afterwards?

[Nichobo]

Have you ever told him that really sux? Or not depending how you look at it? No offence but Selfish dude!!!! Do you ever give him head?

[IsoberImswear]

yeah i tell him that, and i tell him hes selfish, but hes like "no im not' being a typical male, lol. and whenever i give him head, right after he either goes on his comp or he just says "oh im tired" or "ill play with you in a few mins" and never does. ugh i just dont know what to do about it because i feel like he doesnt respond to anything i do or say

[Nichobo]

This may be a bit harsh, but seriously dump him!!! If you have tried talking to him and he blantantly ignores you pleas for a decent sex life then tell him to kiss your ass and be off, to be quite honest!!! Also the longer you allow him to walk all over you in the bedroom the less likely he will put any effort in.

How is the rest of your relationship - is this the only issue that you have?

[IsoberImswear]

umm its up and down, i think its very unpredictable, we fight a lot, but i also have very strong feelings for him. everytime we get in a fight im like ok this is it, but its a lot easier said than done, we've been together for about a year, and i really dont want to not be with him. i just feel like all of out problems stem from our sex life. we fight more after we have sex than anything else, and i feel like its because as long as he has sex, he doesnt have to work to make me happy because if im not happy then there is no sex. i dunno tell me what you think

[Nichobo]

I really think that he is very selfish and after a year I really don't think that it is going to get better. I understand that you have strong feelings for him, but if he is not willing to put the effort in in order to please you then he is SO NOT WORTH THE TIME!!! And I don't just mean in a sexual sense. A relationship is a two way street and right now he seems to be sitting on a gold mine because he gets what he wants without having to give anything back.

I say send him packing and find someone who is actually worth your time.

[Hellfire]

what a cunt... the last thing i would do after sex/fun with my gf is go on the pc.. we norm clean up.. and then lay there with each other,

imho, i think he's using you for the sex, no offence but if you want to keep him.. refuse to sleep with him or do anything for awhile, soon he'll crack, but bewarned if he doesn't care about you this could make him go after another guy,

OR dump the asshole.. tbh this is what i do.. I mean.. DUdeeeeeeeeeeeee your gf might want a bit of fun.. Come on... Thats fucking harsh what he is doing,

Either way best of luck with it.

[Doofay]

what a cunt... the last thing i would do after sex/fun with my gf is go on the pc.. we norm clean up.. and then lay there with each other,

imho, i think he's using you for the sex, no offence but if you want to keep him.. refuse to sleep with him or do anything for awhile, soon he'll crack, but bewarned if he doesn't care about you this could make him go after another guy,

OR dump the asshole.. tbh this is what i do.. I mean.. DUdeeeeeeeeeeeee your gf might want a bit of fun.. Come on... Thats fucking harsh what he is doing,

Either way best of luck with it.

Worst advice ever.

Talk to him about it properly.

[Halloween]

Worst advice ever.


Not necessarily. He is being an asshole and no respectable male would go and play on his computer right after sex. If my boyfriend did I'd cut his balls off.

DUMP HIM.

[Mist]

It does sound like he's being insensitive or a bit of a shit lover or both. He may not be aware of it, or he may be scared of something.

Tell him what you want. if he doesn't change, *then* you should consider if you want to leave him over the sex.

[lexijb]

Not got a webcam has he....??

Just talk to him, tease him alot more.
Tell him what you want him to do.
make him wanna stay in bed longer.

def gotta talk to him about it.
Its almost like hes scared/worried about bein close to you!!

[Doofay]

Not necessarily. He is being an asshole and no respectable male would go and play on his computer right after sex. If my boyfriend did I'd cut his balls off.

DUMP HIM.

Oh my god.

You mean to tell me that she should just assume that because a bunch of people on an internet forum say so that he's a wanker?

You haven't seen shit from his point of view. Maybe next time you'd like to ask a few more questions before you advise she dumps him.

Oh, and since when were you the judge of what a respectable male is?

[Olive]

Tell him what you want. if he doesn't change, *then* you should consider if you want to leave him over the sex.

i agree. give him a chance to change.

then if he doesn't, you can leave knowing you tried.

[budda]

The way you have phrased it does suggest a real lack of understanding for any pleasure you might gain, which isnt a great indicator.

However, he may well just be a bit dim, so you'll have to tell him exactly whats going on and why it cant continue.

Dont allow yourself to get used though, dont just have sex because he wants to, that really isnt good.

[loki]

sounds like quite the selfish guy to me. talk to him once. lay it on the line, that you need a bit more fore and afterplay, otherwise you're outta there. seems to be more sex than lovemaking going on, and the sex can't be that good if it's just pants off, a quickie, with ocasional head, and back to the computer. and i would guess if he is selfish about this, he's selfish about almost everything. you can do better!

loki

[go_away]

I would hold back the sex until he brings it up i.e why won't you have sex with me anymore? That way, you can sit down and have a proper chat about your concerns and how sex is a two way thing instead of you being a replacement for his hand (believe me, I know what it's like!)

If it doesn't work out, like others said, you can walk away knowing you tried

[Hellfire]

But she said she tried to talk with him but he didn't listen to her.. what else can she do, yes hold back on sex is a good idea ;)

[Mist]

But she said she tried to talk with him but he didn't listen to her.. what else can she do, yes hold back on sex is a good idea ;)

Well she could try talking again and maybe be more direct.

Clearly a whole load of people just saying "walk out" when they only know half the facts isn't going to help anyone much.

If, for example, she just left him now without talking about stuff then he would be left thinking "what the fuck did I do?", and they'd spend the next six months dancing around each other. Then he'd probably move on and do exactly the same with someone else. Noone wins.

[Hellfire]

I understand, I mean yes it's hard to base advice since we have only had her side of the story, but from what i can tell he is being un resonable, be firm and stern and serious, don't let him be "oh im sorry" then try and give u make up sex, Serious, be strick and don't let him get away with it, from what you've said, and if it's the complete truth of the situation he is being an ass, all of what i have said is based on this being the full truth.

[nicebutdim23]

i would go with the sex ban until he's willing to be more considerate to you and communicate better- if u love him and want to be with him it needs sorting.

[Doofay]

I understand, I mean yes it's hard to base advice since we have only had her side of the story, but from what i can tell he is being un resonable, be firm and stern and serious, don't let him be "oh im sorry" then try and give u make up sex, Serious, be strick and don't let him get away with it, from what you've said, and if it's the complete truth of the situation he is being an ass, all of what i have said is based on this being the full truth.

No, you can't say fuck all. Just assuming that you know whats going on is moronic, as we only have part of a story here. Mist is right.

[Halloween]

"You haven't seen shit from his point of view. Maybe next time you'd like to ask a few more questions before you advise she dumps him."

Look, the guy isnt here to give his point of view so naturally I am bias towards her POV. If someone comes on these boards with a predicament like that, with no other opinion, of course my first reaction isn't going to be Gee I wonder what his opinion is, its going to be more like "Gee, what an insensitive arsehole."


"Oh, and since when were you the judge of what a respectable male is?"

as for my persepctive of the "respectable" male- Ive had enough boyfriends to realise something just isn't on when he leaves the bed to play on his PC straight after sex. Don't know what your definition of what the resectable male should be but I should imagine caring, understanding, and willing to please.

[piccolo]

imho, i think he's using you for the sex, no offence but if you want to keep him.. refuse to sleep with him or do anything for awhile, soon he'll crack, but bewarned if he doesn't care about you this could make him go after another guy, Did anyone else notice the Freudian slip?! :lol:

[Doofay]

Look, the guy isnt here to give his point of view so naturally I am bias towards her POV. If someone comes on these boards with a predicament like that, with no other opinion, of course my first reaction isn't going to be Gee I wonder what his opinion is, its going to be more like "Gee, what an insensitive arsehole."


So you're seriously telling me that in 3 lines of text, about what, 60 odd words you can get a full picture of the scenario as it stands? Nope, you're just reeling out the usual "men are insensitive dicks" thing. I know theres pretty much fuck all you can say in 3 lines that would make me say "dump them". You're jumping to conclusions based on all thats been said when if you had any sense, you'd ask one or two questions. Maybe he doesn't know any better? Maybe he's embarrased? Maybe he doesn't know that she wants to sit about afterwards? No wait, lets not think about any of that. How about we all go running straight in screaming "MEN R FUKIN DIX N U SHUD DUMP HIM! U GO GIRLFRIEND!".


as for my persepctive of the "respectable" male- Ive had enough boyfriends to realise something just isn't on when he leaves the bed to play on his PC straight after sex. Don't know what your definition of what the resectable male should be but I should imagine caring, understanding, and willing to please.

What the fuck? You mean to be a respectable male you have to be capable of performing fantastic sex acts and be just like the token male in the sex scene in films? Well fuck me, sorry, i didn't realise you had some kind of doctorate on sex and its role within relationships.

Its not a perfect world, and things aren't like in the films. Not all of us blokes know exactly what you want. You need to talk to them, and no thats not just the passing "yeah well wish u wouldn't go on the PC so much".

Sunk in yet?

[IsoberImswear]

Just to let everyone know, i am in no way saying he is an insensitive dick, just that i want to feel more attention in the bedroom. i think that i am prob part of the problem, because im sure that im a bit cold afterword. who wouldnt be, but still. i just wanted to know how to get him to change it. i mean ive talked to him about it bfore and clearly did not get through to him, and im just wondering if it was my approach, or if he really couldnt care less. but thanks for all the different points of view, its good to be able to see all the sides of it

[VinylVicky]

take the lead and do what u fancy

[Doofay]

Just to let everyone know, i am in no way saying he is an insensitive dick, just that i want to feel more attention in the bedroom. i think that i am prob part of the problem, because im sure that im a bit cold afterword. who wouldnt be, but still. i just wanted to know how to get him to change it. i mean ive talked to him about it bfore and clearly did not get through to him, and im just wondering if it was my approach, or if he really couldnt care less. but thanks for all the different points of view, its good to be able to see all the sides of it

What tactics did you go for when you talked to him though? Was it a case of "Yeah well i've noticed you like your computer games.. don't play em as much cheers." Or like did you actually sit him down and have a proper chat with him?

[Halloween]

. How about we all go running straight in screaming "MEN R FUKIN DIX N U SHUD DUMP HIM! U GO GIRLFRIEND!".

Christ. Get laid or something. Im not anti-male in any way so stop trying to use that as an excuse.

.
What the fuck? You mean to be a respectable male you have to be capable of performing fantastic sex acts and be just like the token male in the sex scene in films? Well fuck me, sorry, i didn't realise you had some kind of doctorate on sex and its role within relationships.


Please note, that I said a man should be
CARING
UNDERSTANDING
WILLING TO PLEASE

How are those sex sterotypes? Where did I ever say that a guy needs to be fantastic in bed? Nowhere.
If isoberimswear had been male they would have gotten the exact same response so GET OFF MY BACK...
You're a blueprint for building an idiot.

[Doofay]

Christ. Get laid or something. Im not anti-male in any way so stop trying to use that as an excuse.
[QUOTE]

Right, what a good idea. Assume i have no sex life. That's sure to increase your argument winning potential by up to 37.4%!

[QUOTE]
Please note, that I said a man should be
CARING
UNDERSTANDING
WILLING TO PLEASE

How are those sex sterotypes? Where did I ever say that a guy needs to be fantastic in bed? Nowhere.
If isoberimswear had been male they would have gotten the exact same response so GET OFF MY BACK...
You're a blueprint for building an idiot.

Right, so if i said that a woman should be
ATTRACTIVE
HAVE BIG BREASTS
WILLING TO SUCK COCK

Then that would be perfectly acceptable? Obviously all this new man stuff is getting out of proportion. I guess you also think that you'd never change for a man? In which case, the more capitalized things you shove in that list, the more blokes you're asking to be left to be alone forever. Think of the poor men :(

Right, secondly you come flying in with the whole "Where have i said that then? WHERE?!?!?! SEE?!!?" argument. Theres this whole concept of "implications" - things you say without actually putting down in words. I could look you up a quote in the dictionary if you'd like? :)

You've already said that you've let bias dictate your decision to post that she should finish him. Possibly the stupidest idea ever.

And you go on to call me an idiot. Really, well done. How inventive. Did you learn how to do that at primary school?

[Mist]

Everyone, be cool.

[Doofay]

Everyone, be cool.

Lyrics from one of the worst songs ever :(

[Kermit]

Thsi girl is 18, I would imagine that her bloke is about the same too.

And how many teenage boys are good in bed?

If you don't tell him what you want, in very clear terms with big red arrows then he won't know. Teenagers are crap in bed without some tutoring, fact.

[dr sad]

if hes being a fuckhead be a cock teasin bastid back, get ur own way.
either that or staple his bollocks :crazyeyes /hand cuff him to the bed
and sit on his face and FART :shocking:

[spanner]

Everyone, be cool.

:yes:

Somehow this has descended into a discussion/argument/debate (delete as appropriate) about feminism. a) it's getting off the point and b) from what I can gather, opinions are being misinterpreted. Maybe we should get back to the original question and stop the bickering?

[Nichobo]

Just to let everyone know, i am in no way saying he is an insensitive dick, just that i want to feel more attention in the bedroom. i think that i am prob part of the problem, because im sure that im a bit cold afterword. who wouldnt be, but still. i just wanted to know how to get him to change it. i mean ive talked to him about it bfore and clearly did not get through to him, and im just wondering if it was my approach, or if he really couldnt care less. but thanks for all the different points of view, its good to be able to see all the sides of it

Have you spoken with him yet?

[stargalaxy]

...the approach my bf always takes to sex- pulls of our pants, goes at it, and when he is done, he gets up and goes on his computer... Try telling him to stop being such a selfish git, for a start. Either he's selfish or doesn't want to be anywhere near you for longer than necessary. Do you really want to sleep with someone who just treats you as a sex object in the bedroom? Isn't sex supposed to be about two people showing they love each other?

[dr sad]

or when he wants a shag tell him where to get off

[IsoberImswear]

i just wanted to let everyone know that i talked to my boyfriend, and when we had sex there was plenty of foreplay, AND he stayed in bed an cuddled with me for about an hour. thank you guys so much, i think that i just needed tpo have a more direct approach when i talk to him. all the advice you guys gave me was great! :yes:

[Nichobo]

You go girl! Glad it worked out! :thumb:

[Mist]

i just wanted to let everyone know that i talked to my boyfriend, and when we had sex there was plenty of foreplay, AND he stayed in bed an cuddled with me for about an hour. thank you guys so much, i think that i just needed tpo have a more direct approach when i talk to him. all the advice you guys gave me was great! :yes:


See, we have solved the world's problems! :yes:

[cherridrop]

Not necessarily. He is being an asshole and no respectable male would go and play on his computer right after sex. If my boyfriend did I'd cut his balls off.

DUMP HIM.
i wud too. he is being a right dick. i too think he is using u. :(

[cherridrop]

if hes being a fuckhead be a cock teasin bastid back, get ur own way.
either that or staple his bollocks :crazyeyes /hand cuff him to the bed
and sit on his face and FART :shocking:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[nicebutdim23]

i just wanted to let everyone know that i talked to my boyfriend, and when we had sex there was plenty of foreplay, AND he stayed in bed an cuddled with me for about an hour. thank you guys so much, i think that i just needed tpo have a more direct approach when i talk to him. all the advice you guys gave me was great! :yes:

thats good news :thumb:

[Kermit]

The sound of people taking back their offensive comments about "he's a selfish dick!!111!11!!!" is truly deafening.

[freak]

lol, obviously just needed some talking to :)

[JsT]

The sound of people taking back their offensive comments about "he's a selfish dick!!111!11!!!" is truly deafening.
Quite.

I'm sliughtly amazed by the number of views this thread has too :|

[Mist]

i wud too. he is being a right dick. i too think he is using u. :(

Did you even read the last page of the thread?


i just wanted to let everyone know that i talked to my boyfriend, and when we had sex there was plenty of foreplay, AND he stayed in bed an cuddled with me for about an hour. thank you guys so much, i think that i just needed tpo have a more direct approach when i talk to him. all the advice you guys gave me was great!

[nicebutdim23]

it might have that many views coz the only way some people can get into the message boards is by clicking on the links with quotes from the message boards. this has been the first on the list for a few days and if you click on it it brings u straight here.

[dr sad]

glad u sorted it out sober thin is though dont slack cos hell be rite back to the computer

[Kermit]

glad u sorted it out sober thin is though dont slack cos hell be rite back to the computer
Learn to speak English.

[***kellie***]

if there is no foreplay then there is no fuckin point

xx

[cherridrop]

Did you even read the last page of the thread?
hmmmmmmmmmm :chin: . i must have skipped it. :yeees: