Would you?

[Smack]

I'm one of those guys who thinks "3 strikes and she's out" and I have this friend. There was potential, for a while, for us to be more than that but it kinda fizzled out when she started being bitchy (this was after she told me she liked me, too), so I just now think of her as a mate, but I still care about her somewhat.

She went out with a guy for 3 years and he took drugs, eventually he started treating her like shit (strike one), cheated on her (strike two) and got her pregnant and didn't visit her in hospital when she had to have an abortion (strike three).
Lately he's wormed his way back into her life with pretty words and phrases. She was talking to one of her friends the other day that she'd been seeing him for a while, I overheard since I was opposite her. I know this has gone on since about before Christmas, and she repeatedly lied to me about it (during that part where we both we interested in each other as more than friends), saying they were just mates and all that.
She says that this guy has been really nice, and makes her feel so happy even though I hate him because of what she told me he did to her, and I am not ever going to shake that feeling.
She says she won't let him hurt her again and all her other mates pretty much say she's making a big mistake letting him back in. I definitely think she's making a huge mistake. If I was a girl and any man did that shit to me I'd never talk to the bastard again no matter how nice he acted.

So I just wanna ask this, would you? If he seemed to have changed for the better, and all that, would you accept this person back into your life after all the strife he'd put you through? I just wanna know that I'm right in thinking she's completely stupid.

[twisted_trinity]

i did do exactly the same thing. and i got hurt again. and lost a hell of a lot of friends in the process. if he did really treat her like that and wasn't just saying that for sympathy, ok i don't know her that might not be the case, but if he did then she's being highly stupid. but you have to let her find out the hard way. unfortunatly.

[otter]

So I just wanna ask this, would you? If he seemed to have changed for the better, and all that, would you accept this person back into your life after all the strife he'd put you through? I just wanna know that I'm right in thinking she's completely stupid.

Probably not no.
But, i don't think it is as simple as that sometimes love is just so unconditional and dependant that some people will allow themselves to be treated like shit just to have somebodys love, and will go back to shit to get it, and will believe all sorts of nonsence of "people changing for the better" - they believe it becasue they want to.
You are entitled to your thoughts that she is stupid, but, it is her decision and nobody really has the right to force her hand either way.

[Jaloux]

It can be hard to do the right thing. I personally thought I could be able to tell when to end a destructive relationship, but as of late I've realised that it can be hard (especially if you're not strong willed). You want the other person to have changed and they may actually have done so for a bit, but then after a while you realise that you've been living a lie. But even then it may not be easy to not take that person back because you forgive them and continue fooling yourself.

And all the time you will not listen to the people telling you the truth, not until you realise what kind of mistake you have been making and are willing to learn from it.

[Smack]

Yeah, apparantly he's broken her heart about 12 times. Seems a bit much to me to take someone back. 13th try's a charm though, maybe, or could just be unlucky for some.

[SweetSurrender]

It's good that you're concerned, it shows you do value this person's friendship.

Unfortunately, some people have to make their own mistakes (If this turns out to be the case). However much it hurts to stand on the sidelines and watch, you have no other choice.

I would personally try to be strong and not let someone whose hurt me back into my life, but it's difficult when you love that person a lot and honestly believe that they can change.

Just be ready to give her a big hug and have a spare shoulder ready for her to cry on incase it does all go wrong again - She'll appreciate that a lot more than an 'I told you so' lecture.

[Olive]

three strikes? you're joking.

my motto is that everyone deserves a second chance. but only one. after strike two, that guy would be history.

[Smack]

Well I suppose it depends on how they strike out, if you catch my drift. I'd be hard pressed to forgive someone even if they treated me like shit for no reason. I treat others as I'd like to be treated myself.. I'm a nice guy!

Maybe they'd have one strike, maybe two. But I just say I'd never go over three. She'd have to be damned special to get to the three mark in the first place, I suppose. It was a good phrase anyway, I thought.